Learn Deep Point of View Using Emotional Layers

June 13, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 3 Comments

Deep point of view lets your readers experience story through a virtual reality headset. Readers want to take an emotional journey alongside the main character in every scene. This style puts readers IN the story as much as possible.

To achieve this, writers have to avoid summarizing or telling how a character feels. Instead, writers have to present evidence to the reader about how the character feels. Not enough evidence and the reader is lost, too much and the reader is bored.

To do this, the writer must know the WHY in every scene. Why did your point of view character (POVC) say that, do that, hide that, run away or stand and fight—all of it.

I’m constantly looking for a way to break things down, create an actionable process, so I can understand things. Deep point of view makes sense to me by writing in emotional layers. Every action (or in the case of fiction every thought) has an equal and opposite reaction.

Layer 1: Primary or Basic Emotions

These are the unthinking instinctive emotions. Some examples would be: attraction, lust, disgust, joy, fear, excitement, sadness, surprise, etc. Most often, we show readers primary emotions through body language and physiology—what’s going on inside: heart rate, skin prickles, sweating, etc.

Been told you should learn Deep Point Of View? Had an editor or critique partner tell you to “go deeper” with the emotions in your fiction? Looking for a community of writers seeking to create emotional connections with readers? Check out the Free Resource Hub and then join the Going Deeper With Emotions In Fiction Facebook group.

3 Ways To Ramp Up Setting And Description With Subtext

May 30, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

How do we use subtext to communicate setting and description?

Subtext is all about what’s not said. It’s about what’s implied, the innuendo and euphemism; it’s layered implication, it’s infused into facial expressions and tone of voice–it’s illusive. Subtext is about the underlying or secondary meanings we want to convey to readers.

I’ve had a few emails asking for help with setting. These tips help pull my readers deeper into the story every time.

What Forces Are At Work?

You must take into account all of the forces at work for and against your POV character in any scene and let that influence their words, their body language, their thoughts, and how they see and interact with the world around them. You shouldn’t need to TELL your readers anything, they will infer how your character FEELS through your description and setting — that’s subtext.

Let’s consider this scenario:

Ed and Sarah are in love and want to make plans together for that night.

Ed and Sarah are in love, but Sarah is Ed’s boss’ daughter and if Dad finds out Ed will lose his job, so they hide their love.

Ed and Sarah are in love and want to make plans without Dad finding out, but Ed also doesn’t want Sarah to think he’s ashamed of her or afraid to tell her father.

Ed and Sarah are in love and want to make plans without Dad finding out. Ed doesn’t want Sarah to think he’s ashamed of being with her and then his boss asks him to work late.

All of these things are at play in Ed’s head and heart. How would these factors color how he sees and interacts with the world? Because how he views the world at any given time will affect the way he describes settings and people.

If Ed is hopeful he can keep all the balls in the air, then that arrogance and confidence will shine through.

Ed strode into the office, the room lit with the last orange rays of the day promising a warm evening.

If he’s tired and questioning whether the girl or the job is worth all the trouble, that will similarly affect the way he interprets and filters the world around him.

Ed trudged into the office and shut the door with a soft click. The boss wouldn’t turn on the lights until the sun had gone completely down and the only light in the room was the glow from his calculator display.

Consider if he’s afraid, or prone to anger? This whole thing could go sideways and then what?

There would be a mighty push/pull tug-of-war going on inside him because he has a lot at stake. With subtext, always be aware of what the character has at stake, what they need to communicate but not say outright.

Use Setting To Mirror How A Character Feels

This is building on the last point. By using devices like personification, pathetic fallacy, and others you can infuse the setting and description with feelings. By giving the natural world and inanimate objects feelings and human behavior, readers can infer how the character feels. Let’s look at some examples.

“Nothing says hell has to be fire, thought Ralph Truitt, standing in his sober clothes on the platform of the tiny train station in the froze middle of frozen nowhere. Hell could be like this. It could be darker every minute. It could be cold enough to sear the skin from your bones.”

A Reliable Wife, Robert Goolrick

Standing on the train platform in the frozen middle of frozen nowhere. How does Ralph Truitt feel about where he lives? About having to wait on the train platform? Does it matter what the train platform looks like? Can you picture a tiny frozen train platform? Readers will do 90% of the work with description.

“He bought a ticket for the first bus out, no matter where it was going. Which turned out to be an end-of-the-line place way north and west, on the shore of Lake Superior. Fundamentally the wrong direction. Colder, not warmer. But rules were rules, so he climbed aboard. He sat and watched out the window. Wisconsin flashed by, it’s hayfields baled and stubbly, it’s pastures worn, its trees dark and heavy. It was the end of summer.” The Midnight Line, Lee Child

How does Jack Reacher describe Wisconsin in fall? Not terribly flattering is it. It’s actually quite beautiful there in fall, but Reacher is headed somewhere he doesn’t want to be, alone-again, leaving town after a relationship has ended. Do you see that how Reacher FEELS colors everything he sees. He’s going to an “end-of-the-line place” that’s “colder, not warmer” where the pastures look worn and the trees dark and heavy.

He doesn’t see the bounty of harvest, the colored leaves, or the sunsets over pastures. He doesn’t sigh with relief at the cooler temperatures or welcome the approach of fall. The way Reacher describes the setting mirrors how he feels and allows readers to infer through subtext how he feels.

Precise Word Choice For Description With Punch

Once again, we’re building on the last two points. Here’s an example:

“Yes, father,” Bran told him. He looked up. Wrapped in his furs and leathers, mounted on his great warhorse, his lord father loomed over him like a giant.” Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin

Martin emphasizes his point of view character’s stature (a child) as well as how he feels about his father. Bran is impressed and intimidated by his father, yet knows he holds a privileged position. His lord father loomed. Bran could have described his father a million different ways, but Bran sees that his father casts a long shadow. Just a word and we can infer how Bran feels about his father through his description.

“But I ain’t never seen a baby yell like Mae Mobley Leefolt. First day I walk in the door, there she be, red-hot and hollering with the colic, fighting the bottle like it’s a rotten turnip.” The Help, Kathryn Stockett

The baby is red-hot and hollering — that’s not a normal sight for this character. We can infer she isn’t used to seeing infants this upset. The baby is fighting the bottle like it’s a rotten turnip. 0_0 What’s that tell us about the point of view character?

We use items we’re familiar with for comparisons. Turnips, typically, aren’t the chosen fare of the wealthy is it? Do you see the subtext at play here?

“I was dreaming of cool flesh and sheets the color of blood.” Blue Moon, Laurell Hamilton

Not how one typically describes their bed or their dreams, is it? What’s the subtext here? First, Anita is the point of view character and her lover is a vampire. Now, with that context does this line of description help with the subtext? Her lover isn’t normal and the sex is HOT – at least, that’s the subtext I drew from that line. What can we infer about Anita from that? Hmmm…

The setting and description should mirror how the character feels. The setting and description should lend subtext to a character’s goals and motivations. That seems like a lot, but it’s simply precise word choice and word associations.

Share your best line of description or setting and see what others infer from the subtext.

5 Deep Point of View Errors Every Writer Makes

March 21, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

Shifting Your Story Into Deep Point Of View Often Isn’t Intuitive!

Deep point of view is a stylistic choice writers can use throughout an entire novel or to add emotional punch to important scenes, but it isn’t an intuitive technique for many. It’s not difficult, don’t misunderstand me, but this technique requires a shift in how you capture the story for your readers.

With this technique, readers aren’t looking for an objective reporting of what’s going on, they want to be IN THE ACTION. Of course there are times where you use telling or utilize a shallow point of view for effect, but if your whole novel is in deep point of view readers want to see inside the mind of the point of view character.

Think of the reader like a judge. You, the writer, are the lawyer presenting evidence to the judge about how your character feels. All you have in the way of evidence is what the character is thinking, doing, and saying, along with physiology and body language. The reader decides what the character is feeling.

When I am beta-reading or giving feedback in my course Method Acting For Writers: Learn To Write In Deep Point Of View, there are a few questions I end up asking over and over. These are questions that every writer working to deepen the emotional intensity of their writing should ask of each scene. Making these errors isn’t a sign of bad writing at all. Writing in deep point of view is a mental shift, you’re not telling the story–your character is.

You’re telling – show me how he/she feels about this.

Emotions are such an integral part of writing in deep point of view, but you must show them. Don’t tell me the character is sad, anxious, happy, worrying, etc. Don’t think you can slip in an anxious wave or a nervous laugh either. There’s no, he threw her a condescending look. In more distant points of view, these are all acceptable, but not in deep pov. Show me, give me the evidence that proves how your character is feeling.

Frustrated, Ryan threw the game controller across the room.

becomes…

“This game is stupid.” Ryan chucked the game controller and dented the wall.

I could have said Ryan tossed the controller, or threw it on the table or on the floor. I wanted more escalation than that, something that felt over-the-top, disproportionate, to show frustration. Do you see the difference?

You’re Showing AND Telling. Trust Your Readers.

This happens when writers understand showing and telling but don’t trust their readers. It looks something like:

Shane stuffed his hands deep in his pockets and kicked a can down the street. Depressed, he trudged home. “Stupid party. Stupid people. I didn’t want to go anyway.”

The bolded portion is the telling. I could lose that and make this more interesting for readers. There’s good showing here, but I didn’t trust the reader to figure it out. This is also an example of author intrusion in deep point of view. The character wouldn’t think this likely, it’s the author inserting themselves into the story to give the reader information.

What Else Is Going On? What Other Sensory Details Can You Add?

There’s a tendency to focus on just sight. Sight is closely linked to decision-making so it’s going to be the predominant sense much of the time. However, our senses are a backdoor into our character’s emotions. Smell and taste are both closely linked with memory. Don’t dump backstory on me, take me back through the memory evoked by the senses. Make me care about that memory, good or bad, too. Sound/hearing is closely linked to emotions. This is why soundtracks are so vital in movies. Two notes, the Jaws theme, evokes a feeling in you, right? Use sound to ratchet up the emotional tension.

And don’t include every sense in every scene. Overwhelming your reader with details will send them packing.

Why Is He/She Behaving Like This? What Is She/He Thinking?

This comment often stems from a character’s actions not being fully fleshed out in the narrative. The point of view character turns around and punches another character in the face. The writer has to tip off the reader about why this has happened. In deep pov, the point of view character doesn’t get to keep secrets from the reader. The reader is in on ALL of it. Thought then action, action then reaction. What thought triggered that action? It doesn’t have to be a long, articulated thought, but some thought triggered that action.

There was a knock at the door, that two-knuckled double-time rap. James leapt from the couch and escaped through the window to the fire escape.

becomes…

There was a knock at the door, that two-knuckled double-time rap. Landlord. James glanced at the calendar on the fridge. First of the month. Already? He leapt from the couch and escaped through the window to the fire escape.

The first example is just reporting. It’s a director with a camera capturing the action. You’re not writing for a newspaper, you’re writing a novel. In deep pov, we want to put readers inside the head of your point of view characters. This means you have to show why the character is making the decisions they do.

How Does He/She Feel About This?

This is kind of the reverse of the above question. Emotion draws us into story. That’s how we care. We can sympathize and identify with the emotional struggles of the characters we love. But if the writer doesn’t let us in on the character’s emotional journey, the reader is left out in the cold. Also, instead of adding in body language or internal dialogue to show readers how a character feels, show how a character feels about the setting. Katniss in The Hunger Games describes her sister’s cat as being the color of rotting squash. How do you think she feels about that cat? What’s her outlook on life that day?

“Hey, you busy after work?” Sally picked up her jacket and patted her pockets to check for her car keys.

“Yeah. Promised the wife I’d help paint the living room.” Jake snatched up his keys and wallet.

He was married? “Yeah, OK–sure. Some other time?” She gave a wave and fled out the door to the parking lot.

becomes…

“Hey, you busy after work?” Heat flushed her cheeks. Sally reached to play with her hair and instead patted her chest pockets like she was checking for car keys. Who kept car keys in their breast pockets?

“Yeah. Promised the wife I’d help paint the living room.” Jake snatched up his keys and wallet.

He’d been flirting with her for a month. Her throat constricted and she swallowed bile. What a creep. Sally had to clear her throat to speak. “Yeah, OK–sure. Some other time?” She fled out the door to the parking lot.

Hopefully, the second example put you in the story with Sally. You could sense maybe the courage she’d worked up to ask him out after work, second guessing herself–making herself vulnerable to rejection, and then her surprise at finding out he wasn’t who she’d thought he was.

Editing In Layers Part 5: Layering Emotions

January 2, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 4 Comments

This is part 5 in a 6 part series on getting a manuscript ready for beta readers. This is a systematic process where you read through your work 5 times and each pass focus on a specific element. This makes the editing more efficient and consistent. In the end, you’ve got something so much better than what you first envisioned when you sat down and typed that first word in chapter one (or wherever you started).

You can’t skip ahead. There may be early layers that you work through in the planning stage, but confirming the structure underpinning these beginning layers is crucial. If those first layers aren’t solid, the rest is a house of cards. If you don’t have a first draft or are struggling to complete one, this post on fast drafting might help.

Let’s recap:

Prep Work: Goals
Layer 1: Plot
Layer 2: Scenes and Sequels (Pacing)
Layer 3: (Weakness) Plus Characterization
Layer 4: Emotions (you are here)
Layer 5: Consistency

The emotional punch is why readers pick up a book. They want to be entertained, to escape, to sigh and laugh and cry–this is where all that magic gets examined. In this layer, what you’re doing is making stylistic choices. So what I mean by that is there’s no right or wrong. You need to choose where to intensify the emotions, intensify the introspection, slow the pace and ask your characters some hard questions. I find it most helpful to get to a place where I won’t be interrupted for an afternoon or two and get down and dirty with this character.

This layer follows the layer on characterization intentionally, because you should know your character inside and out at this point. If you are working your way through this layer and realize you don’t have an answer to something, you might have a problem you haven’t spotted in a previous layer.

Be Objective…

It’s so important to be objective at each stage of this intense revision process. If you need to take a few days off between each layer go ahead and do that. Set yourself a specific time away where you’re going to work on other projects and then come back to it with fresh perspective.

I purchased Donald Maass’ book The Emotional Craft Of Fiction and basically work through the questions he has throughout the book. I sit with a notebook and force myself to answer two or three questions from each chapter.

Here’s an example of the kinds of questions he asks:

Select any moment in your story when your protagonist feels something strongly. Identify the feeling. Next, ask your protagonist, ‘What else are you feeling at this moment?’ Write that down, too. Then ask, ‘Okay, what else are you feeling now?’ Write that down. Now begin to work with that third, lower-layer emotion. What does it feel like to have this emotion? Is it good or bad to feel this way? Why? What would a better person feel instead? Justify this feeling – it’s the only possible thing to feel at this moment and here is why.

Here’s another:

Choose any small thing that happens somewhere in the middle of your manuscript. When you find it, write down your answers to the following questions: This small event is symbolic, but symbolic of what? What does it mean to your POV character personally? What meaning might anyone see if they bothered to look? How is your POV character’s understanding of himself changed in this moment even in a small way?

This won’t be easy. This is where you have to really pause. You have to simultaneously be objective and think through your story but also give yourself freedom to really FEEL your way through key scenes in your manuscript. I find this layer the most intense and physically draining.

Be Strategic…

Sorry to ruin the magic if you thought things like symbolism or emotional layering happened organically in the first draft. In this layer you are making stylistic choices, they must be intentional. You may find in this layer that there are layers of emotions to explore you hadn’t even thought of. You may find your character sharing things with you that you’d never thought to ask. Once you work through these questions, take those small snippets of emotional layering and skip to those places and edit accordingly. It might be as simple as changing a few words or as much as adding a paragraph. This layer shouldn’t change the plot or character arc but intensify the emotional arc.

When To Go Deep And When To Tell

In Layer 2 you examined and tweaked the pacing of your story. This layer deals more with the emotional pace. It’s OK to slow the action for a moment to add an emotional throat punch for readers. It’s OK to tell and use a shallow POV for specific effects such as showing your character is so overwhelmed they’ve stopped feeling anything at all. This is effective to show a character intentionally stepping away emotionally from a person or situation. That moment the character realizes their small place in a giant cog or puzzle, when they realize the consequences of failure or what they have to lose. Keep these emotional punches brief, a paragraph or two at the most.

You might find it effective in a moment of high tension to really back off the introspection and use a more wide angle lens to tell this part of the story. That could last for a mere sentence before you’re back to the action. You’re the director of a film and you can use showing and telling like a director uses his lens. They do with a brief shot of a actor’s face, a pause in the action for grief to flicker across their features–that’s what I’m talking about here.

How It Looks In Action…

Here are some questions I asked the protagonists in the novel I most recently edited to give you an idea of how I used the questions in the book as a jumping off point to intensify the emotional punch of the story. The character’s answers as I recorded them are in parenthesis:

Where are you most concerned about how others view you? What are you most afraid of? (*Points to a scene.* Will they still follow me? Will they think I’m a day late and a penny short?) What does that feel like? (Shame – they’ve been doing their duty and giving their lives for something I chose to ignore.) BOOM!
How would a braver person act in this situation? How would a more reckless person respond to this injustice? (He needs to DO something for the sake of those girls. Stop blaming others for his inaction. Stop hiding behind indecision.) What do you want to say to him? What are you afraid to say? (I need to stand up for her no matter what it costs me right now.) BOOM!
What’s something small that happens that’s symbolic of something much bigger? (When we take a moment to bandage each other up after the big fight.) What’s it symbolic of? What’s really being said without words? (It’s symbolic of forgiveness and responsibility. It means acceptance, a truce, humility.) How did that change you? (I set aside my first impressions and gave him the freedom to show me who he really is. Who he wants to be.) What did he teach you? (That the scars we have aren’t failures but show we survived what should have taken us down. That setting aside my first impressions scares me because if he’s not what I thought he was he might be someone I could love.)
What’s the worst thing that happens to you? The most traumatic, damaging, not-sure-you’ll-survive event? (This – points to scene at the 75% mark.) What else are you feeling? (Angry at myself because I couldn’t stop it.) What else? (Powerless because I couldn’t fight.) What else? (Unseen and unheard again. Worthless, not worth searching for.) That’s shame – what primary emotions are fueling that shame? (Fear, sadness, failure, embarrassment, regret, self-blame…) BOOM!
When did you learn something that surprised you? That made you stop and rethink something you’d thought to be true about yourself? (Here – points to a scene.) What were you feeling? (Anxious – new place, wanted to impress him — wanted him to be proud of me.) What are you afraid of? (That he’ll second guess his decision to marry me.) What do you want right now that would help you feel less anxious? (Be more in control. Desperate for control.) Is that what you’re really feeling or is that a cover up for something? What is seeking control helping you ignore? (I really want to feel safe. I’ve confused control with security.) BOOM!

It’s important to understand the difference between primary and secondary emotions, or emotions and feelings if that’s easier to understand. For the rest of this week, you can get my Writing Emotions In Layers 5-day E-course for free here.

How are you doing so far with these editing layers? I’d love to address any questions you might have in a future blog post. Send me an email or post the question below!