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Lisa Hall-Wilson

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4 Ways To Replace Dialogue With Subtext Even New Writers Can Master

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Once I realized what subtext was and the different ways I could use it effectively, it became a go-to tool for deep point of view. I had a reader ask: Can subtext replace dialogue and how would that look?

Subtext is silent communication. It’s the body language (posture, facial expressions, gestures), tone of voice — all the ways we send signals and communicate without using words. Subtext can add a layer of realism and authenticity to our stories and is a necessary technique when using deep point of view.

Subtext Is Often Added In Rewrites

It’s hard to effectively use subtext in a first draft. In order to use subtext, you have to really know your characters. If I can’t get subtext to work for me, it’s usually because I don’t know the characters involved well enough.

Subtext is art more than mechanics. It’s the polish to the story so to speak. Once I really understand the story arc, the emotional arc of each POVC and the goal of each scene, then I go back and tighten things up for the subtext. In a first draft, I’m more likely to just write what the character’s thinking. Subtext is about what isn’t said, right. So the rewrites is where you can objectively study a scene and decide if using subtext would add authenticity or tension for readers.

Leave Them Hanging

One trick that’s effective with subtext is to take a question and answer exchange in a scene and cut one or the other. Have a character ask a question and then cut the answer — use facial expressions or body language (subtext) to answer. Or, cut the question (use subtext) and let the character answer what they think the question was. Yes, they might get it wrong. We get it wrong all the time in real life. Let that add tension, conflict, and complexity to your story.

Done strategically, this is very effective at showing relationship, familiarity, or a shared history/goals.

Here’s an example from the WIP I have out with beta readers right now.

She picked up the first stone between her hands. She turned it over in her hands and stared at Ulrik. Would make a sizable dent in a man’s head.

“Get to it, Felora.” He rested his hand on the handle of his sword. Easy way or hard way?

Were her expressions so transparent? She needed to work on that.

One of my all-time favorite movies is Dirty Dancing. There’s this scene between Johnny and Baby where they have this really personal, vulnerable conversation and it gets awkward, he’s annoyed. She asks him to dance.

The entire dance is subtext. It’s question and answer over and over as the intimacy escalates. I don’t use many romance examples, but I couldn’t resist here.

Facial Expression Gold

Watch the people around you, particularly people you’re close with, and see how they use their facial expressions to communicate. Here’s an example:

Sarah waited to Bobby to open the trunk and then set her bags of groceries in the car. She wiped her forehead with the back of her wrist and glared at the searing sun overhead. 

Bobby shut the trunk. They both turned to get into the car when an elderly woman hobbled past trying to wrangle three overflowing shopping bags, a walking cane, and her purse.

Sarah glanced at Bobby but he hadn’t noticed the old woman’s plight. Sarah tipped her head to the side.

Bobby’s eyes narrowed. She repeated the gesture and he finally looked at the old woman for a moment. He shrugged and opened his car door.

Sarah cleared her throat. Bobby looked over the roof of the car at her. Sarah tipped her head towards the old woman again and owled her eyes. Do something.

He straightened and his brows shot up. What did she want him to do?

She slammed her hand on the top of the car. His jaw tensed, but he shut his car door and approached the old woman to see if he could help.

We all have a variety of go-to expressions to communicate questions and answers.

Something That Can’t Be Said

Do you have a scene where two characters are talking, but they can’t mention what they’re talking about? Or maybe they don’t want to acknowledge what they’re really talking about? Sometimes we all seek a little bit of deniability, right.

Maybe this is a long-standing argument — who’s going to take out the trash this week. Maybe there are others present who don’t/can’t know what’s really being talked about? Mom and Dad arranging a little one on one time with little ears still in the room for instance.

In these situations, subtext can be the whole other conversation happening that’s unrelated to what’s actually being said. These are fun to write because they’re challenging and rewarding when you can pull it off.

I love this scene from Captain America: The First Avenger. Steve Roger’s plane is going down, it’s a suicide mission and he contacts Peggy one last time to say goodbye. But instead they talk about rescheduling a dance at the Stork Club. It’s heartbreaking to watch.

Backstory Kills Subtext

Backstory serves you, the writer, better than the reader often. Remember, backstory answers one question and leaves the reader with two more. It gets dripped into the story. Save the backstory drips for exposition or internal dialogue. Keep the backstory out of your subtext.

When subtext is being used in place of dialogue, keep it snappy and the pace moving. Keep the internal dialogue to a minimum if you can. If the dialogue is more of a mix between spoken dialogue and subtext, you’ll need the internal dialogue for readers to follow along.

Do you think you’ll use subtext in place of dialogue? Where in your current WIP would this add a deeper layer of meaning or authenticity for readers?

I am doing a free 5 Day Deep Point Of View Challenge on Facebook starting October 22. It’ll be in a closed Facebook group. You can sign up for the waiting list here so you don’t miss out when I have all the details put together.

3 Tips On Writing Internal Conflict With Emotional Punch

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Does your main character have a line in the sand, a personal boundary or belief they will not violate? This internal conflict is central stories written in deep point of view often. What happens if the character violates their belief or boundary? What would they sacrifice in order to avoid crossing that line? What would either action show readers about what kind of person they are?

In Mission Impossible: Fallout near the very beginning of the movie, Tom Cruise’s character Ethan Hunt draws a line in the sand that defines his actions for the rest of the movie. Benji is anxious about a deal they’re trying to make happen and Hunt turns to him and says, “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

That line in the sand isn’t just about Benji. Hunt means it for anyone he cares about or works with. If he feels responsible for you, he won’t let anything happen to you. (Nothing permanent, anyway.)

In the movie Law Abiding Citizen with Jamie Fox and Gerard Butler, the goal of Butler’s antagonist is to convince Fox’s lawyer character: I don’t make deals with criminals. That’s the line in the sand.

I’ll never be hungry again! – Scarlet O’Hara

What Does Internal Conflict Look Like?

Internal conflict is the experience of having opposing psychological beliefs, desires, impulses or feelings — when you believe one thing and act in a different way. If you want to Google it and learn more, you’ll want to search for cognitive dissonance. This internal conflict is often a battle between what we know and what we feel. Most of the time, people crave consistency, so this internal conflict is when we’re basically at war with ourselves but it’s how we justify our behavior or correct course. This can lead to irrational behavior.

People struggling with internal conflict are squeamish. They might turn pale or lose color. They might feel dizzy or lightheaded. They might tremble or even pass out. Most of these reactions are observable, so another character could comment on them. A character in deep point of view can share the feeling of being dizzy, trembling, feeling lightheaded, queasy or nauseous.

People justify their actions, often audibly. Consider the guy who finds the courage to talk to or ask a girl out and she brushes him off. He’ll have this inner conflict, knowing he hasn’t really lost anything and feeling rejected or unwanted. One way he might choose to create consistency again, regain control of his feelings, is to justify why it didn’t work out. She wasn’t as pretty up close. She’s actually a snob and I’m better off without her. Or perhaps he decides she wants him to work harder so he doubles down and creates consistency between what he believes and how he feels that way.

Another facet of the above point is ignoring what’s plain to everyone else. The woman in an abusive relationship might know her boyfriend is toxic to her wellbeing, but feels like she can’t leave. Leaving means being alone, means supporting herself, means not knowing what tomorrow might bring.

It could mean that every derogatory thing he’s ever said to her is actually true, and she’s sure she’d face any negative consequences he’s threatened. So to create consistency between what she knows and feels, she avoids acknowledging the abuse. She justifies or explains away his behavior so that she doesn’t have to do anything about it.

What Emotional Layers Could Be At Play With Internal Conflict

There are dozens of emotions possible with internal conflict based on what’s at stake, right. In Laurel K. Hamilton’s Blue Moon, the protagonist Anita Blake doesn’t believe in torture. But there’s a short scene where she’s desperate to get the truth from someone and resorts to torture. She crossed her own line in the sand. She’s disregarded what she knows and gave in to how she felt.

The fallout of that is her renewed faith in the boundary that she won’t torture, and when it comes up again in the novel where she needs information from someone and is encouraged to expedite the process with pain, she refuses and that costs her emotionally. As soon as a character questions their abilities or self-worth and sees themselves falling short in some way, we have shame.

Shame is a very powerful emotion to play with as a writer. Shame doesn’t tell us we did a bad thing, shame says we are bad. Shame is so heavy, such a burden emotionally that typically people will do anything to get out from under that weight. But shame is a secondary emotion, so work backwards and identify the primary emotions that would cause shame.

Subtext Is Needed For Internal Conflict

The only way internal conflict works as a story device for emotional arc is when the reader is aware of the conflict in the protagonist. The best way to show this to readers is to use subtext. This is a more advanced fiction writing tool, but if you can master subtext you’ll take your writing to another level. Subtext is what’s not being said, it’s the unspoken communication. I’ve written about subtext here and here and here.

Can you think of a movie or book that had really great internal conflict that ratcheted up the stakes for the protagonist?

 

 

Get your copy of Method Acting for Writers: Learn Deep Point of View Using Emotional Layers on Amazon or Kobo.

3 Ways To Ramp Up Setting And Description With Subtext

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How do we use subtext to communicate setting and description?

Subtext is all about what’s not said. It’s about what’s implied, the innuendo and euphemism; it’s layered implication, it’s infused into facial expressions and tone of voice–it’s illusive. Subtext is about the underlying or secondary meanings we want to convey to readers.

I’ve had a few emails asking for help with setting. These tips help pull my readers deeper into the story every time.

What Forces Are At Work?

You must take into account all of the forces at work for and against your POV character in any scene and let that influence their words, their body language, their thoughts, and how they see and interact with the world around them. You shouldn’t need to TELL your readers anything, they will infer how your character FEELS through your description and setting — that’s subtext.

Let’s consider this scenario:

Ed and Sarah are in love and want to make plans together for that night.

Ed and Sarah are in love, but Sarah is Ed’s boss’ daughter and if Dad finds out Ed will lose his job, so they hide their love.

Ed and Sarah are in love and want to make plans without Dad finding out, but Ed also doesn’t want Sarah to think he’s ashamed of her or afraid to tell her father.

Ed and Sarah are in love and want to make plans without Dad finding out. Ed doesn’t want Sarah to think he’s ashamed of being with her and then his boss asks him to work late.

All of these things are at play in Ed’s head and heart. How would these factors color how he sees and interacts with the world? Because how he views the world at any given time will affect the way he describes settings and people.

If Ed is hopeful he can keep all the balls in the air, then that arrogance and confidence will shine through.

Ed strode into the office, the room lit with the last orange rays of the day promising a warm evening.

If he’s tired and questioning whether the girl or the job is worth all the trouble, that will similarly affect the way he interprets and filters the world around him.

Ed trudged into the office and shut the door with a soft click. The boss wouldn’t turn on the lights until the sun had gone completely down and the only light in the room was the glow from his calculator display.

Consider if he’s afraid, or prone to anger? This whole thing could go sideways and then what?

There would be a mighty push/pull tug-of-war going on inside him because he has a lot at stake. With subtext, always be aware of what the character has at stake, what they need to communicate but not say outright.

Use Setting To Mirror How A Character Feels

This is building on the last point. By using devices like personification, pathetic fallacy, and others you can infuse the setting and description with feelings. By giving the natural world and inanimate objects feelings and human behavior, readers can infer how the character feels. Let’s look at some examples.

“Nothing says hell has to be fire, thought Ralph Truitt, standing in his sober clothes on the platform of the tiny train station in the froze middle of frozen nowhere. Hell could be like this. It could be darker every minute. It could be cold enough to sear the skin from your bones.”

A Reliable Wife, Robert Goolrick

Standing on the train platform in the frozen middle of frozen nowhere. How does Ralph Truitt feel about where he lives? About having to wait on the train platform? Does it matter what the train platform looks like? Can you picture a tiny frozen train platform? Readers will do 90% of the work with description.

“He bought a ticket for the first bus out, no matter where it was going. Which turned out to be an end-of-the-line place way north and west, on the shore of Lake Superior. Fundamentally the wrong direction. Colder, not warmer. But rules were rules, so he climbed aboard. He sat and watched out the window. Wisconsin flashed by, it’s hayfields baled and stubbly, it’s pastures worn, its trees dark and heavy. It was the end of summer.” The Midnight Line, Lee Child

How does Jack Reacher describe Wisconsin in fall? Not terribly flattering is it. It’s actually quite beautiful there in fall, but Reacher is headed somewhere he doesn’t want to be, alone-again, leaving town after a relationship has ended. Do you see that how Reacher FEELS colors everything he sees. He’s going to an “end-of-the-line place” that’s “colder, not warmer” where the pastures look worn and the trees dark and heavy.

He doesn’t see the bounty of harvest, the colored leaves, or the sunsets over pastures. He doesn’t sigh with relief at the cooler temperatures or welcome the approach of fall. The way Reacher describes the setting mirrors how he feels and allows readers to infer through subtext how he feels.

Precise Word Choice For Description With Punch

Once again, we’re building on the last two points. Here’s an example:

“Yes, father,” Bran told him. He looked up. Wrapped in his furs and leathers, mounted on his great warhorse, his lord father loomed over him like a giant.” Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin

Martin emphasizes his point of view character’s stature (a child) as well as how he feels about his father. Bran is impressed and intimidated by his father, yet knows he holds a privileged position. His lord father loomed. Bran could have described his father a million different ways, but Bran sees that his father casts a long shadow. Just a word and we can infer how Bran feels about his father through his description.

“But I ain’t never seen a baby yell like Mae Mobley Leefolt. First day I walk in the door, there she be, red-hot and hollering with the colic, fighting the bottle like it’s a rotten turnip.” The Help, Kathryn Stockett

The baby is red-hot and hollering — that’s not a normal sight for this character. We can infer she isn’t used to seeing infants this upset. The baby is fighting the bottle like it’s a rotten turnip. 0_0 What’s that tell us about the point of view character?

We use items we’re familiar with for comparisons. Turnips, typically, aren’t the chosen fare of the wealthy is it? Do you see the subtext at play here?

“I was dreaming of cool flesh and sheets the color of blood.” Blue Moon, Laurell Hamilton

Not how one typically describes their bed or their dreams, is it? What’s the subtext here? First, Anita is the point of view character and her lover is a vampire. Now, with that context does this line of description help with the subtext? Her lover isn’t normal and the sex is HOT – at least, that’s the subtext I drew from that line. What can we infer about Anita from that? Hmmm…

The setting and description should mirror how the character feels. The setting and description should lend subtext to a character’s goals and motivations. That seems like a lot, but it’s simply precise word choice and word associations.

Share your best line of description or setting and see what others infer from the subtext.

Don’t forget, you can get the free Writing Emotions in Layers 5-day e course here.

Writing Emotions In Layers – What Does It Look Like

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On Tuesday, I did the first Deep Dive Live on Facebook where I geeked out over deep point of view. We talked about the body language of fear/excitement, shame, anger, and attraction and how to write them in deep point of view. A question came in during the live asking to see an example of what emotional layering looks like.

So, let’s back up the train a smidge and catch you up in case you haven’t seen the video.

Psychology tells us there are primary emotions and secondary emotions. Primary emotions are the instinctual, gut-reaction emotions we have no control over. Secondary emotions are caused by or are reactions to primary emotions. Anger is a secondary emotion. You don’t immediately jump to anger, something’s caused you to be angry. Maybe you were frustrated, tired, jealous, or resentful – maybe you were all of those.

The way to show and not tell these emotions in deep point of view is to portray the primary emotions as they happen, layer one upon the other, and let the secondary emotion be what’s seen externally – often. This way you don’t have to TELL readers your character is happy or sad or angry or envious. You SHOW them what those emotions look like, and then when your character blows up the reader doesn’t have to guess why.

That’s a super simplified version. If you want/need more info on how this works, you can check out my free 5-day e course on writing emotions in layers here.

Search the Video Tab – Confident Writers Page on Facebook for past Deep Dives.

What Does Emotional Layering Look Like?

I’ve taken a sample from my current WIP to show this. I’d love to pull sections from bestsellers, and I might at another time, but I’m not sure of the copyright legality of it so for now you’re stuck with my writing.

In this scene, Felora is the point of view character. I’ll add my thoughts on the body language, emotions, and subtext in parenthesis so you can see this technique.

Chin up, she walked straight to Barric where he sat in the head councilman’s chair, leaned in and pressed a kiss to her husband’s lips. (she’s adopting an authoritative/in-command body language here) He hesitated only a moment before kissing her back. (Subtext – this is his permission to stay) She had missed him leaving this morning. “I heard my father had returned.”

A fleeting smile flashed across his lips. He gave a curt nod and gestured to the space next to him. (Explicit permission everyone else could see to stay) She put a hand on his shoulder (a claiming gesture, a power gesture) and glared at the other elders, daring them to complain that a woman stood among them.

Pause the scene here. What have you learned about Felora so far? Here’s what I’m hoping you’ve gleaned. She’s confident and defiant. She’s not afraid to be the only girl in the old boy’s club. She’s not a submissive meek wife and her husband is OK with that. But I haven’t TOLD you any of that, you’ve had to glean that from her body language and how she interprets what’s going on around her. Let’s keep going.

“I’m concerned that we’ve received no word from your father or mine about how the battle went.” Barric put a hand over hers. (A subtle power struggle – he’s still the leader in the room) “If they’ve been ransomed, we’ll get them back.”

The soldiers entered the hall and set a wood box at Barric’s feet. The men stared at the floor, none spoke. Felora couldn’t help staring at the box too. (this isn’t normal – the box isn’t what anyone is expecting and the men bearing it feel shame)

Barric sat straighter. (fear/suspicion kicks in) “So open it.”

One soldier bent and pulled the pin securing the lid, lifted the top and stepped back.

Her father’s lifeless eyes stared up at the ceiling, his mouth gaped as if he’d died mid-scream. Like she’d been punched in the gut, she coughed and sputtered. (shock) Her hand covered her mouth and she dropped to her knees. (grief, disbelief) Crawling the short distance, she reached for the box and drew it closer. There was no mistaking Wyne’s features. Her father was dead. Her fingers trembled and tears blurred her vision. (fear – fight, flight or freeze instinct kicks in) She shut the box. How had this happened? She turned towards Barric but no words formed.

Pause the scene here. You can see the various primary emotions I’m hoping come across to readers. You see them pile up one upon another. There’s an intentional lack of internal dialogue, because right now all she can do is feel. She can’t make sense of anything. There’s a number of primary emotions all clamoring to be her priority and her brain shuts down. Each primary emotion could be a sentence or a sentence fragment. Let them blend together and add to the mental confusion.

Barric pulled her to her feet. She couldn’t stop the tears. (now I switch out of deep point of view briefly – she’s disassociating from the pain and shock and grief) A moaning sound filled the hall. The deep guttural bawl rattled her—snaked down her spine and raised the hair on her arms. Barric pulled her against his chest and the sound became muffled. The foreign voice was hers.

She pressed a hand to her belly, sucked in one breath and then another. (back in deep pov – seeks control of the situation and begins with controlling herself) She was a warrior. She knew how to take a hit and get back up again. That’s what her father had taught her. (military training enables her to squelch enough emotions to make a decision – thinking is impaired) She pushed away from Barric and swiped at her wet cheeks with an open palm. (this is an I-don’t-care-who-sees-my-grief gesture as well as a get-it-together-soldier gesture)

(now she’s angry – but her anger is misdirected – she can’t get to the actual person responsible so she turns on the messengers) “Where’s the rest of him? How can I bury him like that? Like a traitor?” (indignation) She reached to touch the box and then recoiled. It wasn’t her father any longer. (revulsion)

Among the bedraggled soldiers who had come in she recognized Dell, her father’s best friend. His clothes were filthy and ragged. Blood seeped through the bandages around his hand and upper arm. His shoulders seemed to carry the whole city. (this observation of his physical state is an acknowledgement that he didn’t abandon her father – he stayed and fought when it would’ve been easier to run – they all had – respect)

Pause here. The next few lines incorporate the use of subtext. This is super important in deep point of view, for readers and your point of view character to read between the lines. You can read more about subtext here and here.

Dell went down on one knee in front of Barric’s chair. His voice wavered. “There were too many to bury and too few left to dig graves. We searched the dead for those we knew to bring something back for their kin.” He sucked in a breath like he needed to bolster his voice and just nodded his chin at the box. “Took his head down from a pike.”

Her father was tortured? (subtext – as a soldier she understands what he’s not saying, what he’s maybe trying to save her from) She covered her mouth and swallowed the bile that erupted in her throat. (revulsion, grief again) Fresh tears welled up again. (fight, flight or freeze)

Furrows stretched across Barric’s brow (fear) and he cleared his throat (searching for control). “We’ve had no word. Tell us what happened.”

“They knew we were comin. Hemmed us in front and back.” Dell reached into a pouch on his belt and held out the Council signet ring—Barric’s father’s ring. “Your father gave me that. Wanted me to relay that if you have a son would you name the child after him?” (subtext again – letting Felora’s observations that Dell remained on the battlefield to the end be confirmed. She’s a reliable narrator)

Barric’s face reddened and he closed his fist around the ring. (grief, sadness)

Dell turned to her and pulled a seax from his belt. “Your father would have wanted you to have this.”

She held her father’s blade across her palms. She couldn’t make sense of any of it. “He was strong. He would not have been felled easily…” She looked up and met Dell’s gaze. “How?”

“How did this happen?” Barric’s voice cracked. He pointed at the box. “What aren’t you saying?” His voice echoed off the uncaring walls of the whitewashed hall. (personification – uncaring walls – still Felora’s perspective filtering the setting for readers)

Dell swiped a wrist across his brow. (shows vulnerability, uncertainty, exhaustion) “Some of our men fled, but most—” He sucked in a breath. (determination, courage) “Most of our men fell where they stood. Wyne ordered me to get Garvin out and we almost made it. Took three arrows to fell him. I buried his body to protect it from scavengers. Marked it so you could bring him back here for a proper burial.” He nodded towards the door that led to the crypt caves beneath the hall. (subtext, to help readers understand traditions – he feels responsible, guilty even – but there’s no shame)

Barric turned away. (hiding vulernability)

“How did my father fall?” Dell had been as much a father to her as Wyne, he would tell her the truth. (respect, shows a need for justice)

Dell finally met her gaze and stood. (now he’s back to a topic he feels more confident about, he shares no guilt in this new topic) “The men of Ijon captured him. Would’ve wanted to know where to find this city and its weaknesses. They’d be at our gates if they’d broken him. I killed the man who’d taken the seax as loot.” (displays respect, subtext – Wyne was an honorable man to the end)

“Our men—how many fell…” Barric’s voice grew quiet. (shock sinks in)

Dell glanced back at those with him. A couple shrugged and a third shook his head. (subtext – these men have served together for a while are familiar with each other, survivor guilt) “I’d guess most of those who survived are standing here with me.”

Her mouth gaped. Fewer than fifty men had come through the gates with Dell, but two hundred had left with her father. This wasn’t possible. (shock)

“The men of Ijon did this? Not the man-wolves? You’re sure?” Barric lifted a hand to quiet the elders who stood murmuring and whispering amongst themselves. (back in command)

“I should have been there. I could have helped.” (shame) Why had Wynne and Garvin made her stay behind? “I might’ve been able to stop—”

“Girl, there was nothin anyone could’ve done. You’d have shared his fate, like as not. Your Fa kept ya here on purpose.” Dell met her gaze. (body language of open honesty – he’s not hiding anything) “We were betrayed from within. Musta been.”

She stared at the floor. (thinking body language – concentrate on her thoughts) But only the elders knew the battle plan. Fa wouldn’t even tell her. She turned to Barric. “Did you know of Wyne’s battle plans?” He shook his head and she looked to Edric, her father’s replacement, and he shook his head also.

(anger) Surely they would reveal their guilt under the right circumstances. She pointed the blade at the elders, first one and then another. (reckless) “You did this. All of you. You’re to blame.” She pointed at the box. “Wyne advised against this war, spoke out against the corruption that banished the man-wolves and crippled our defenses. And now he’s dead.” Her voice rose to a feminine screech. (outward loss of control) “They’re all dead!”

Pause the scene here. Hopefully at the beginning of the scene readers picked up on how controlled Felora is normally. She thinks through how things will look, where she needs to stand to get the upper hand, etc. Now, she’s lost that control. Out of fight, flight or freeze, she’s chosen fight. What does that tell you about her character?

Barric held up his hands palms out. “We’ll investigate Dell’s claim. This isn’t the time or place to assign blame, not when the grief is so near.” (asserting dominance)

The edges of her mouth turned down and her throat constricted. She pressed the tip of the seax against the elder her father had blamed for the foolhardy idea to go to war. “Was this your plan all along? Get rid of the only two men with enough spine to oppose you?”

Maxton looked to Barric, his back arched away from her blade. “Do something.”

“Everything I have done. Have worked for. Wanted to become—was for my father.” Her words were punctuated with short breaths. “And now he’s gone. And it’s your fault. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you.”

Sweat trickled down his temple and his eyes widened. (fear) “Barric?”

“Felora, please. You’re upset. We all are. We need time to think through what’s happened.” Barric held out a hand and waved his fingers for her to relinquish the blade.

She wiped her nose on her sleeve and choked back a sob. “I don’t need time to think. I’m done talking.” She ignored the snot crawling toward her lips. “Talking got us here.”

Dell grabbed her wrist with his bandaged hand. “Put it down, girl.” He pressed down on her arm. She resisted. “Won’t do anyone any good. Won’t bring him back. He’d tear a strip off ya one side and down the other if he saw ya like this. That’s no toy.” (subtext and backstory – one of the only people who could talk sense into her was her father – also juxtaposing Dell’s handling of her anger and Barric’s and which one was effective – what does that show us?)

“I know how to use this.” Spittle mixed with tears sprayed from her lips. (trying to keep control of the situation – anger)

“You’re lethal with it, I know—that’s what I’m afraid of.” Dell pushed her arm down to her side. (fear/excitement are over quickly – the adrenaline is wearing off) “That’s it. We’ll get it sorted.”

The elders retreated from the hall and Barric dismissed Dell and the soldiers. She knelt in front of the box on the floor. “How do I fix this? What would you have me do?” The box didn’t answer. (anger spent, grief surfaces as the predominant emotion at the moment)

This is a long post, but hopefully being able see how the emotions are layered in helps. Each emotion doesn’t need it’s own paragraph. Sometimes it’s a gesture, a short bit of internal dialogue, or a piece of body language. Give your readers credit – put them to work in figuring it out. This is why you have beta readers to test your work. Also, see how there’s very little extraneous narrative here. Most gestures, body language cues, internal dialogue, etc. are all working as evidence to SHOW emotions and put the reader IN the story. This is the power of deep point of view.

Dive Deep!

Want to learn more about deep point of view? Heard about it and don’t know what it’s really about? Been told readers struggle to connect with your characters emotionally? Know about deep point of view, but stumped trying to find intermediate-level resources? Registration is now open for Method Acting For Writers: Learn To Write In Deep Point Of View. Class begins May 7 and the cost is $165CDN (approx $130USD).

 

How Relationships Affects How We Write Subtext

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This is part two to Monday’s post on writing subtext. On Monday, we talked about how power and power imbalances affect subtext. Today, I’m over at Jami Gold’s blog talking about how relationships affect subtext.

Here’s a sneak peak at that post (or just click over there now):

Subtext is the silent conversation that happens while another topic is being discussed. Subtext can use euphemisms and other diversionary tactics to have a private or intimate conversation in public–when we need this to mean that. Take the example below of a mother speaking with her teenage son the morning after he’s missed his curfew:

Mom: Came in pretty late last night.

Son: Yep.

Mom: You promised it wouldn’t happen again.

Son: I know.

Without internal dialogue and some beats, we don’t really know what the subtext of this conversation is. Did the son miss curfew because he pulled an all-nighter at the library studying, and mom is really just concerned for his health? Is the son frequently abusive and this conversation is more of a power struggle — a what are you gonna do about it conversation? Either way, adding layers of meaning for readers behind the dialogue adds some rich texture, conflict, authenticity, and understanding to the story.

What about the two criminals who have a conversation about a topic that’s mutually understood?

Bad Guy #1: You do it?

Bad Guy #2: Yeah.

Bad Guy #1: Any problems?

Bad Guy #2: Nothin’ I couldn’t handle.

Did they just kill someone or take out the trash? Without the subtext, or an understanding of their shared knowledge, there’s no way for an outsider to interpret what they’re really talking about (the outsider in this case could be the cleaning lady, or the law enforcement listening through a wire tap).

 

 

Visit Jami’s blog and check out that post. Leave a comment – I’ll be hanging out there for a few days.

Sign up for a free 5 day course on writing emotions in layers! You’ll get five lessons with a practice exercise via email every day for a week to catapult the emotional intensity of your writing to the next level faster than Tigger on a trampoline!

 

6 Ways Power Imbalance Affects Subtext In Fiction

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What is subtext? Subtext is the non-verbal communication expressed through what Psychology Today called “a silent orchestra” which is a combination of facial expression, tone of voice, posture, and body language. Subtext can be subtle, nuanced with many layers of meaning that leave miles of room for misunderstanding. It can also be as blatant as a shout in a quiet room. Subtext is a more advanced writing technique, but it’s vital for writing in deep point of view (Deep POV).

Subtext includes hidden meanings and double ententes, conversations where this is about that, and also when communication happens through gestures and facial expressions.

A husband taps his watch at his chatty wife in a crowded party. Subtext.

A man stares at a woman across a crowded coffee shop. When she notices, she rolls her eyes and goes back to reading her book. Subtext.

What’s being spoken of on the surface might have nothing to do with what’s actually being discussed. Two coworkers have an argument, and the one in the wrong goes to the other as their shift ends trying to make amends.

Hey, let me buy you a coffee after work? (Sorry, can I make it up to you?)

The offended coworker understands what’s really being asked so they can respond to the surface question but answer the subtext at the same time.

  • Sure. Let me grab my stuff. (All is forgiven.)
  • Maybe later. I’m busy. (I’m still mad, but I’ll get over it.)
  • Can’t. I have plans. (I’m still mad.)

How Does Power Affect Subtext?

At home, big sister is frequently put in a position of authority over her younger brother. At school, big sister is a bullied nerd and little brother is social elite. These two are not allies, they’re frenemies at best. This see-saw of power imbalance between school and home will influence the subtext between the siblings. There will be implied and blatant blackmail going on as each try to retain or gain power in each setting. Every slight in each setting will be interpreted through what they believe the other’s intent is, and that filter will influence their perception of what’s actually being said. Innocent comments may be interpreted as threats and honest efforts to reconcile may be seen as patronizing or ridicule.

Power or authority applies a filter to subtext, it affects how we perceive or interpret what we believe is actually being said.

In cases of sexual harassment and abuse, power imbalances are closely looked at, because the person in power doesn’t need to use force or physical threats in order to command compliance. The boss who could get a woman fired doesn’t have to threaten physical violence to coerce her into doing something she doesn’t want to. He might not even have to blatantly state what he wants from her. You see?

Questions To Ask Your Characters

When your character finds themselves trying to interpret subtext from someone in a position of power over them, consider:

  • What’s at stake if they say no?
  • Is saying no an option?
  • What’s being withheld or withdrawn?
  • Is the power imbalance personal, professional, social, economical (is the power imbalance limited to a particular situation or setting or is it over their whole life – do they have an escape)?
  • Is this person a threat or a help?
  • Is the perception of power true? A husband who believes his wife has one foot out the door thinks she has all the power. That wife might believe he doesn’t find her attractive, so in her perception he has all the power. They’ve both abdicated their power because of shame. Oooh – what a tangled web we weave.

The Power of Touch

Touch is an expression of authority and power, and relationship. We choose who we allow close enough to touch us. There are some benign touches that are socially acceptable: a handshake, a kiss on the cheek in greeting, an inadvertent brush as you pass another, being squeezed in a crowded space (like an elevator), etc. Touch can imply possession.

A touch that’s not wanted is seen (typically) as a threat or at least an invasion and the threat of an unwanted touch can be just as intimidating. An abusive husband who is drunk raises his hand — he doesn’t have to actually hit to exercise his power over his wife and children.

Power imbalances don’t only apply in situations where something nefarious is going on.

This is an example from a work in progress. Kaduis is next in line to the throne and Arun is a concubine – not even a wife. There’s a disparate power imbalance here. Arun can’t oppose Kaduis (her well-being depends on his favor) or make any demands of him overtly, but he does care for her so there’s leverage. They are discussing the fact that their infant daughter doesn’t have a name yet.

Arun touched the gold earrings he’d given her the day their daughter was born and captured his gaze with her own. “She needs a name.”

He cupped Arun’s cheek in his palm. “Then give her one. She is old enough.”

Arun lowered her gaze and turned her face away from his touch.

Kaduis straightened and sighed. “I cannot. At least not publicly.”

Do you get a sense of the power struggle here communicated through touch or the rejection of it? The power imbalance has forced Arun to instead rely on implied guilt (touching the earrings Kaduis had given her at the child’s birth, where he’d promised to always take care of them) to provoke him to publicly claim the child as his.

His touch is more about dominance than affection and she rejects that authority by rejecting his touch. His reaction to the rejection tells us much about who he is and how he treats women. Another man might have asserted his dominance, dismissed or ridiculed Arun. Instead, Kaduis cuts to the chase and answers her subtext. So much can be implied with eye contact and touch, the withdrawal of it, and whether it’s wanted or not.

Can you think of a favorite scene from a book or movie where the subtext was influenced by the imbalance of power? Share it in the comments below. Let’s create a list of reference material to get a better idea of the different ways this can play out.

 

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