emotional layering Archives - Lisa Hall-Wilson

How To Get Inside Our Character’s Heads And Make Readers Care

July 20, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

Getting readers to care and have an emotional connection to our characters is the gold medal run for most novelists. If readers don’t care, if there’s no emotional pull, it gets easy to place a bookmark in a page and walk away. *womp womp*

I’m continuing in my summer series of answering reader questions. Today’s question comes from Jenette who wrote:

“I want to get better at really getting into my character’s head and making readers feel.”

Seeking the answer to this question is what led me to really begin learning about deep point of view and ultimately to writing Method Acting For Writers: Learn Deep Point of View Using Emotional Layers and begin teaching about deep point of view.

Method Acting For Writers

Actors crawl into another person’s or a character’s skin and live out that reality. A writer crawls into a character’s head. What’s common to both is what Stanislavski and Strasberg called affective or emotional memory. It’s the idea of “write what you know”.

The range of emotions available to us now is the same range available to those in any other time or place. Society or culture will dictate how acceptable the expression of various emotions are, time and place, and may even deny other emotions, but whatever your character’s going through you’ve already experienced to some degree. Share that with your readers to make them care!

“I thought the drama was when actors cried. But drama is when the audience cries.” Frank Capra

Let’s walk through a potential scene. Tina is a teenage girl who is pregnant (unplanned) and now has to tell her parents.

Tina has to confess to something she knows will disappoint her parents. Ever had to confess to something you knew would hurt someone you care about? Ever made a decision that disappointed someone you cared about?

Tina’s pregnant because she got drunk at a party and slept with her boyfriend without protection. Ever got caught up in the moment and then regretted it later? Ever had someone with more experience, someone who was older, lead you down the wrong path regardless of the harm it might cause you? (I might have once convinced my little brother a broken dog biscuit was a cookie…)

Tina’s worked really hard to earn an athletic scholarship to university in the fall and now all of that is at risk. Ever had a situation where something you’d been planning for, a dream even, just fell apart? Ever been forced to choose between bad and worse?

Sharing our emotional memories with our characters helps readers connect in deeper ways. This is method acting for writers!Click To Tweet

The collection of emotions at this stage is likely primary emotions. Read more about primary and secondary emotions here.

The Emotional Stakes

Maybe you have more in common with Tina’s character than you thought, right. Now, let’s measure what’s at stake for Tina. We have to filter the storytelling through Tina’s worldview, so we have to know what her family’s “rules” (spoken or unspoken) are about unplanned or unwed pregnancies.

Will she walk into this situation expecting a verbal assault or support? Does admitting she’s pregnant require her to admit to other things like lying or sneaking out or underage drinking or seeing a boy her parents disapprove of? How does she feel about the pregnancy–is she excited or full of dread or indifferent? How does she feel about the father?

All of these additional stakes will help amplify the emotions in the scene.

Now Layer In The WHY.

Why is Tina facing her parents instead of running away, going to a clinic, or simply ignoring the problem for now? What is her goal in this scene? Is she looking for a confrontation or hoping for support to make a difficult decision? Is this pregnancy a way out of a future she didn’t want, a road block, or imminent disaster?

To use emotional memory, recall a situation where you experienced the same emotion. Take confessing something hurtful. What did that really feel like? Close your eyes and really let that memory well up. Swim in it for a short time. What’s happening to your body with that memory? Are you tense? Jumpy? Are you having a hard time sitting still? Now, the degree which you felt that emotion (dread, regret, shame) isn’t as important as being able to amplify it to the appropriate intensity for your character. You then layer in the stakes, your character’s own backstory, etc.

The Ultimate “Write What You Know”

The kernel for this idea came from an interview I did in 2014 with bestselling fantasy and thriller author Ted Dekker. His writing is visceral and full of emotional truth, so I asked him about that process (back when I was still a journalist. Had the chance to meet him in person a few months later – pictured below). Here’s what he said:

“I think that my writing is reflection of my own journey and I use writing to discover. It’s one thing to say that this bulb won’t break if you step on it. It’s an idea, a doctrine. In a story, you take the bulb and you have your characters step on it – you’re testing those theories those ideas in story with real characters stepping on bulbs and seeing what happens.

I write to explore what I’ve been taught or what it means to be who I am…my understanding of who I am has shifted as a result of my writing and my exploration. I’m very real with myself and my characters…I’m writing for my own journey. People who read my books are not afraid of an authentic journey…It’s a journey of transformation. Becoming aware of who we are in a whole new way. I speak out of my own experience and I speak out of some very difficult times that I’ve gone through and there’s nothing more beautiful than becoming aware of who are you.”

By using emotional memory, you can create an intimate perspective for readers that will draw them deeper into the story. In most scenarios, there are shared experiences you can draw on even if the circumstances or intensity doesn’t line up precisely.

Take a minute and sit down with your POVC. Pick a scene from your WIP and ask them a few crucial questions so you can see what you have in common (in terms of experiences). What do they want? What are they afraid of? What they hoping for? How are they afraid this will change them? How does this disappointment hurt–what emotions are touched off? Once I’ve been able to answer those questions, often I’m able to think back on some event from my past. Ahhh, this is just like that time I… and then I’m good.

Will you try this out? Let me know how it goes!

Check out my new book Method Acting For Writers: Learn Deep Point of View Using Emotional Layers. It’s on Amazon in ebook and print.

Check out my free 5-day ecourse on writing emotions in layers here.

Using Deep Point Of View Without Dragging Down The Pace Of Your Novel

July 18, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 1 Comment

Deep point of view is a great writing technique when used well, but if you’re not careful, deep POV will bloat your word count and tie an anchor to the pace of your story.

Pace Must Be Strategic

I’ve met very few bestselling authors who, when asked, can’t tell you the pace they were intentionally aiming for with any particular novel. Whether your intent is to create a fast-paced action-packed crime novel or thriller, a slower-paced romance or contemplative literary novel, or something in between, this is an intentional choice (aka not a happy accident). Some writers use deep POV strategically in key scenes and others use deep POV throughout their whole novel. If you’re using deep POV throughout your whole novel, lean in. These tips are for you.

Avoid Writing On The Nose

Technically in deep POV, you would capture each moment and thought in a play-by-play sort of action.

Shane shuffled across the foyer and reached for the brass knob. The cold metal echoed the frosty temperatures outside. He turned the knob and pulled open the door. The metal hinges creaked and groaned…

Unless there’s a reason to stay in deep POV there, it’s OK if Shane just opens the door. If you spend this much time describing your character opening a door (slowing the pace), there had better be something important behind that door. The more time you spend describing something, the more importance a reader will assume it to have.

Sometimes your character just opens the door, goes to work, drives across town, or jets across the globe. If that journey isn’t important to the plot, if nothing happens in that journey to move the story ahead, using a shallower POV is appropriate.

Create An Effect Of Time Flying By

This is a guest post on the Writers In The Storm blog. Head over there to read the rest of the post.

5 Ways Deep Point of View Delivers Punch To An Action Scene

June 22, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 1 Comment

I’m working through some of the reader questions I’ve received, so this week we’re looking at writing action scenes in deep point of view. Here’s the question:

“I struggle most with action scenes. How deep is too deep POV where the reader loses a sense of what’s happening in the scene? And how do I balance the character’s inner dialogue and reactions with the action?” – Rabecka

Great question. Thanks for asking, Rabecka. Let’s dive in!

Know The Why Of The Action Scene

Just like in every other kind of scene written in deep point of view, know the why for your point of view character (POVC). Why are they fighting right now? Most people take quite a bit of nudging before they’re pushed far enough to take a swing at someone. The why must be specific to that character in that moment. That why should give the reader insight into the POVCs motives, their character, their priorities, their passion, etc. All fight/action scenes should move the story or the emotional plot ahead. If you can remove that scene without changing the story, it’s not essential. Only essential fight/action scenes get to stay.

Emotions In Action Scenes

What mix of primary emotions are at play? That mix will trigger fight, flight, or freeze which triggers a secondary emotion — where we have a thinking response TO DO something. In action sequences this must happen fast *snaps fingers* In most cases, you wouldn’t dwell on this. Let’s have a look at an example:

“Reacher chose the path of least resistance. He ducked his head and let the punch scythe through the empty air above it. Then he bounced back up, and launched to his feet, and twisted, and used his falling-backward momentum to jerk his elbow into the guy’s kidney, which was rotating around into position just in time. It was a good solid hit. The guy went down hard. Reacher fell back in his chair and sat there like absolutely nothing had happened.”

Lee Child, The Midnight Line, ch 3

So, we have Reacher in a situation that’s escalated to violence. I haven’t included the primary emotions here, but Reacher’s already placed his scarred giant-sized left fist on the table, and then the even bigger more-scarred right fist in a failed attempt to intimidate. He’s watching the guys around him for tension, for anything that tips him off to action about to happen. So, the primary emotions at play here would be anticipation – hyper vigilance, wariness plus maybe dread or suspicion that’s led him to seek the information to begin with.

So, the secondary emotion then isn’t anger. It colors more like frustration or irritation because they’re making him work harder than he thinks he should have to to get the information he needs, but he’s flexible. (Many primary emotions can also be secondary emotions depending on the context — if that emotion is a thinking reaction to a primary emotion.) “It was a good solid hit.” <- This is the internal dialogue in this sequence. This is his thinking reaction to the primary emotions he’s experiencing. He hasn’t even broken a sweat — he never felt out of control or in danger, he never exerts himself. His internal dialogue reflects this inner state.

Who your character is must dictate the action and the internal dialogue in any action/fight scene.

Internal Dialogue In Action Scenes

Internal dialogue is where we communicate/show secondary emotions. Let’s look at a writer whose POVC is a bit more… thoughty than Reacher.

“…George deliberately bumping against her. She [Anna] pulled back from him and instinctively wrapped her arms protectively around herself. He gave her a sneer he hid quickly from the others.

‘Illegitimis nil carborundum,’ she murmured. It was stupid. She knew it even before George’s fist struck out.

She ducked and dodged. Instead of a fist in her stomach, she took it in the shoulder and rolled with it. The small entryway didn’t give her much room to get away from a second blow.

There wasn’t one.

Boyd had George pinned on the ground with a knee in the middle of his back. George wasn’t fighting him, just talking fast…”

Patricia Briggs, Cry Wolf

So, the primary emotions are shown through Anna’s body language. She’s wary, afraid, jumpy, hyper-vigilant. So, how does she react to those emotions (the secondary emotion)? Defiance. “It was stupid.” That’s the internal dialogue here. This scene feels like it moves a little slower than the Reacher scene. Any romance subgenre tends to be more focused on relationships so that’s reflected here. There’s more internal dialogue, more description in this scene, because that’s Anna’s thinking response to the primary emotions. Fighting back with her fists would be useless, all she has to fight with is her wit and her mouth. Do you see the difference?

Blow By Blow Action Scenes

There are some action scenes that by necessity are stark in their lack of description and internal dialogue. The intention is to create this snap snap snap response to the violence. There’s no time to think, just survive.

The shot thundered across the beach, an echo of the waves. The lead bullet broke his bottom right incisor, tore through his palate, just above his upper teeth, punched through the lower bone of his eye socket, and broke through the skin just in front of his left ear. He staggered back, then dropped down into a sitting position. Pain shot through his head. The blood dripped warmly down his cheek. His left eye wouldn’t focus.

But he was alive.

Deon Meyer, Dead Before Dying

This is a stylistic choice. There isn’t a right or wrong amount of internal dialogue or description as long as what you keep the pace moving, reveal character, and push the emotional/story arc ahead. This blow-by-blow account is visceral, it makes you want to wince. The only internal dialogue is, “But he was alive.” Where another writer using deep pov throughout the novel might widen the lens and use a shallower point of view to show an out-of-body experience or use a summary technique to force the reader to lean in, Deon Meyer has zoomed way in to create the same but opposite effect for readers.

Be intentional about this. What effect are you trying to create? I had a situation where I had two POVCs in an action scene. I had initially written the scene from the female perspective, the victim of the violence. But I rewrote it in the male POVCs voice as a sytlistic choice based on where I wanted to focus readers’ attention. If we were making movies, we might think of this in terms of which camera angle tells the story best in this scene?

What Tone Are You Creating?

The tone of the fight scene should dictate how deep the point of view is in an action/fight scene. Are you trying to create a feeling of raw shock and awe like the last example? Zoom in close and use cold, fast verbs (broke, tore, punch). Cold efficiency and proficiency like in the Reacher example? The action will be clean, fast-paced, and without a lot of description. The reader does most of the heavy lifting because the description is so sparse. The underdog facing a bully’s fists like in the Patricia Briggs example? There’s more internal dialogue, more description of what’s being felt – physically and emotionally.

Use similes and metaphors and descriptors that readers can relate to. Short, quick descriptions can be very powerful. Describing a character’s clothes as wet with blood for instance, not many of us will have been drenched with blood (thankfully) but we’ve all been thoroughly soaked while still clothed. This pairs an unfamiliar experience with a familiar physical sensation. In this way, we can write what we know even in action scenes.

Make sure you check out Method Acting For Writers: Learn Deep Point Of View Using Emotional Layers available July 1st.

Thanks for the question, Rabecka! Do you have a writing question you’d like to see me answer on the blog? Leave a comment below or on Facebook!

Do you have a favorite action/fight scene from a novel?

Readers Want More Than The Body Language Of Love — They Want The Why

June 20, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

Last week I visited Writers In The Storm and wrote about writing deep point of view using layers of emotions and I promised this week to share about writing love in deep point of view. If you missed last week’s post, make sure you check it out.

Let’s recap for a moment. A secondary emotion is our thinking response to primary (instinctive, unthinking) emotions. A secondary emotion could be triggered by one or a dozen primary emotions, and that blend will be unique for every character in every situation.

In deep point of view, it’s vital to understand the why of an emotion. Why is your POVC attracted to that other character? What need or desire are they trying to ease or fill? What emotions (or mix of emotions) is fuelling that feeling of love?

“I opened the door and there he was. It was like I was a magician and had thrown aside the curtain to show my lovely assistant. The sight of him caught my breath in my throat.”

Laurel K. Hamilton, Blue Moon

When it comes to love there isn’t a one size fits all kind of love, is there? It’s nuanced and varied, the relationships don’t all have to look the same or be founded on the same primary emotions. The Greeks have/had 7 words for love:

Eros – erotic-sexual love

Agape – selfless, sacrificial love

Ludus – playful love, overt flirting/teasing/seduction with no strings attached

Philia – deep friendship, platonic and sincere

Pragma – standing in love (as opposed to falling in love) the longstanding practical love as shared by a couple married for a long time

Philautia – self-love – could be meant in a narcissistic way, or in the way of taking care of yourself enabling you to better love others

Storge – familial love as between parent and child

I would guess there’s a lot of books out there that focus on ludus moreso than eros or even pragma. So, let’s reframe how we think about writing love…

Read the rest of this post on the Writers In The Storm blog.

Learn Deep Point of View Using Emotional Layers

June 13, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

Deep point of view lets your readers experience story through a virtual reality headset. Readers want to take an emotional journey alongside the main character in every scene. This style puts readers IN the story as much as possible.

To achieve this, writers have to avoid summarizing or telling how a character feels. Instead, writers have to present evidence to the reader about how the character feels. Not enough evidence and the reader is lost, too much and the reader is bored.

To do this, the writer must know the WHY in every scene. Why did your point of view character (POVC) say that, do that, hide that, run away or stand and fight—all of it.

I’m constantly looking for a way to break things down, create an actionable process, so I can understand things. Deep point of view makes sense to me by writing in emotional layers. Every action (or in the case of fiction every thought) has an equal and opposite reaction.

Layer 1: Primary or Basic Emotions

These are the unthinking instinctive emotions. Some examples would be: attraction, lust, disgust, joy, fear, excitement, sadness, surprise, etc. Most often, we show readers primary emotions through body language and physiology—what’s going on inside: heart rate, skin prickles, sweating, etc.

This is a guest post on Writers In The Storm. Read the rest of this post here.

Writing Emotions In Layers – What Does It Look Like

April 12, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

On Tuesday, I did the first Deep Dive Live on Facebook where I geeked out over deep point of view. We talked about the body language of fear/excitement, shame, anger, and attraction and how to write them in deep point of view. A question came in during the live asking to see an example of what emotional layering looks like.

So, let’s back up the train a smidge and catch you up in case you haven’t seen the video.

Psychology tells us there are primary emotions and secondary emotions. Primary emotions are the instinctual, gut-reaction emotions we have no control over. Secondary emotions are caused by or are reactions to primary emotions. Anger is a secondary emotion. You don’t immediately jump to anger, something’s caused you to be angry. Maybe you were frustrated, tired, jealous, or resentful – maybe you were all of those.

The way to show and not tell these emotions in deep point of view is to portray the primary emotions as they happen, layer one upon the other, and let the secondary emotion be what’s seen externally – often. This way you don’t have to TELL readers your character is happy or sad or angry or envious. You SHOW them what those emotions look like, and then when your character blows up the reader doesn’t have to guess why.

That’s a super simplified version. If you want/need more info on how this works, you can check out my free 5-day e course on writing emotions in layers here.

Search the Video Tab – Confident Writers Page on Facebook for past Deep Dives.

What Does Emotional Layering Look Like?

I’ve taken a sample from my current WIP to show this. I’d love to pull sections from bestsellers, and I might at another time, but I’m not sure of the copyright legality of it so for now you’re stuck with my writing.

In this scene, Felora is the point of view character. I’ll add my thoughts on the body language, emotions, and subtext in parenthesis so you can see this technique.

Chin up, she walked straight to Barric where he sat in the head councilman’s chair, leaned in and pressed a kiss to her husband’s lips. (she’s adopting an authoritative/in-command body language here) He hesitated only a moment before kissing her back. (Subtext – this is his permission to stay) She had missed him leaving this morning. “I heard my father had returned.”

A fleeting smile flashed across his lips. He gave a curt nod and gestured to the space next to him. (Explicit permission everyone else could see to stay) She put a hand on his shoulder (a claiming gesture, a power gesture) and glared at the other elders, daring them to complain that a woman stood among them.

Pause the scene here. What have you learned about Felora so far? Here’s what I’m hoping you’ve gleaned. She’s confident and defiant. She’s not afraid to be the only girl in the old boy’s club. She’s not a submissive meek wife and her husband is OK with that. But I haven’t TOLD you any of that, you’ve had to glean that from her body language and how she interprets what’s going on around her. Let’s keep going.

“I’m concerned that we’ve received no word from your father or mine about how the battle went.” Barric put a hand over hers. (A subtle power struggle – he’s still the leader in the room) “If they’ve been ransomed, we’ll get them back.”

The soldiers entered the hall and set a wood box at Barric’s feet. The men stared at the floor, none spoke. Felora couldn’t help staring at the box too. (this isn’t normal – the box isn’t what anyone is expecting and the men bearing it feel shame)

Barric sat straighter. (fear/suspicion kicks in) “So open it.”

One soldier bent and pulled the pin securing the lid, lifted the top and stepped back.

Her father’s lifeless eyes stared up at the ceiling, his mouth gaped as if he’d died mid-scream. Like she’d been punched in the gut, she coughed and sputtered. (shock) Her hand covered her mouth and she dropped to her knees. (grief, disbelief) Crawling the short distance, she reached for the box and drew it closer. There was no mistaking Wyne’s features. Her father was dead. Her fingers trembled and tears blurred her vision. (fear – fight, flight or freeze instinct kicks in) She shut the box. How had this happened? She turned towards Barric but no words formed.

Pause the scene here. You can see the various primary emotions I’m hoping come across to readers. You see them pile up one upon another. There’s an intentional lack of internal dialogue, because right now all she can do is feel. She can’t make sense of anything. There’s a number of primary emotions all clamoring to be her priority and her brain shuts down. Each primary emotion could be a sentence or a sentence fragment. Let them blend together and add to the mental confusion.

Barric pulled her to her feet. She couldn’t stop the tears. (now I switch out of deep point of view briefly – she’s disassociating from the pain and shock and grief) A moaning sound filled the hall. The deep guttural bawl rattled her—snaked down her spine and raised the hair on her arms. Barric pulled her against his chest and the sound became muffled. The foreign voice was hers.

She pressed a hand to her belly, sucked in one breath and then another. (back in deep pov – seeks control of the situation and begins with controlling herself) She was a warrior. She knew how to take a hit and get back up again. That’s what her father had taught her. (military training enables her to squelch enough emotions to make a decision – thinking is impaired) She pushed away from Barric and swiped at her wet cheeks with an open palm. (this is an I-don’t-care-who-sees-my-grief gesture as well as a get-it-together-soldier gesture)

(now she’s angry – but her anger is misdirected – she can’t get to the actual person responsible so she turns on the messengers) “Where’s the rest of him? How can I bury him like that? Like a traitor?” (indignation) She reached to touch the box and then recoiled. It wasn’t her father any longer. (revulsion)

Among the bedraggled soldiers who had come in she recognized Dell, her father’s best friend. His clothes were filthy and ragged. Blood seeped through the bandages around his hand and upper arm. His shoulders seemed to carry the whole city. (this observation of his physical state is an acknowledgement that he didn’t abandon her father – he stayed and fought when it would’ve been easier to run – they all had – respect)

Pause here. The next few lines incorporate the use of subtext. This is super important in deep point of view, for readers and your point of view character to read between the lines. You can read more about subtext here and here.

Dell went down on one knee in front of Barric’s chair. His voice wavered. “There were too many to bury and too few left to dig graves. We searched the dead for those we knew to bring something back for their kin.” He sucked in a breath like he needed to bolster his voice and just nodded his chin at the box. “Took his head down from a pike.”

Her father was tortured? (subtext – as a soldier she understands what he’s not saying, what he’s maybe trying to save her from) She covered her mouth and swallowed the bile that erupted in her throat. (revulsion, grief again) Fresh tears welled up again. (fight, flight or freeze)

Furrows stretched across Barric’s brow (fear) and he cleared his throat (searching for control). “We’ve had no word. Tell us what happened.”

“They knew we were comin. Hemmed us in front and back.” Dell reached into a pouch on his belt and held out the Council signet ring—Barric’s father’s ring. “Your father gave me that. Wanted me to relay that if you have a son would you name the child after him?” (subtext again – letting Felora’s observations that Dell remained on the battlefield to the end be confirmed. She’s a reliable narrator)

Barric’s face reddened and he closed his fist around the ring. (grief, sadness)

Dell turned to her and pulled a seax from his belt. “Your father would have wanted you to have this.”

She held her father’s blade across her palms. She couldn’t make sense of any of it. “He was strong. He would not have been felled easily…” She looked up and met Dell’s gaze. “How?”

“How did this happen?” Barric’s voice cracked. He pointed at the box. “What aren’t you saying?” His voice echoed off the uncaring walls of the whitewashed hall. (personification – uncaring walls – still Felora’s perspective filtering the setting for readers)

Dell swiped a wrist across his brow. (shows vulnerability, uncertainty, exhaustion) “Some of our men fled, but most—” He sucked in a breath. (determination, courage) “Most of our men fell where they stood. Wyne ordered me to get Garvin out and we almost made it. Took three arrows to fell him. I buried his body to protect it from scavengers. Marked it so you could bring him back here for a proper burial.” He nodded towards the door that led to the crypt caves beneath the hall. (subtext, to help readers understand traditions – he feels responsible, guilty even – but there’s no shame)

Barric turned away. (hiding vulernability)

“How did my father fall?” Dell had been as much a father to her as Wyne, he would tell her the truth. (respect, shows a need for justice)

Dell finally met her gaze and stood. (now he’s back to a topic he feels more confident about, he shares no guilt in this new topic) “The men of Ijon captured him. Would’ve wanted to know where to find this city and its weaknesses. They’d be at our gates if they’d broken him. I killed the man who’d taken the seax as loot.” (displays respect, subtext – Wyne was an honorable man to the end)

“Our men—how many fell…” Barric’s voice grew quiet. (shock sinks in)

Dell glanced back at those with him. A couple shrugged and a third shook his head. (subtext – these men have served together for a while are familiar with each other, survivor guilt) “I’d guess most of those who survived are standing here with me.”

Her mouth gaped. Fewer than fifty men had come through the gates with Dell, but two hundred had left with her father. This wasn’t possible. (shock)

“The men of Ijon did this? Not the man-wolves? You’re sure?” Barric lifted a hand to quiet the elders who stood murmuring and whispering amongst themselves. (back in command)

“I should have been there. I could have helped.” (shame) Why had Wynne and Garvin made her stay behind? “I might’ve been able to stop—”

“Girl, there was nothin anyone could’ve done. You’d have shared his fate, like as not. Your Fa kept ya here on purpose.” Dell met her gaze. (body language of open honesty – he’s not hiding anything) “We were betrayed from within. Musta been.”

She stared at the floor. (thinking body language – concentrate on her thoughts) But only the elders knew the battle plan. Fa wouldn’t even tell her. She turned to Barric. “Did you know of Wyne’s battle plans?” He shook his head and she looked to Edric, her father’s replacement, and he shook his head also.

(anger) Surely they would reveal their guilt under the right circumstances. She pointed the blade at the elders, first one and then another. (reckless) “You did this. All of you. You’re to blame.” She pointed at the box. “Wyne advised against this war, spoke out against the corruption that banished the man-wolves and crippled our defenses. And now he’s dead.” Her voice rose to a feminine screech. (outward loss of control) “They’re all dead!”

Pause the scene here. Hopefully at the beginning of the scene readers picked up on how controlled Felora is normally. She thinks through how things will look, where she needs to stand to get the upper hand, etc. Now, she’s lost that control. Out of fight, flight or freeze, she’s chosen fight. What does that tell you about her character?

Barric held up his hands palms out. “We’ll investigate Dell’s claim. This isn’t the time or place to assign blame, not when the grief is so near.” (asserting dominance)

The edges of her mouth turned down and her throat constricted. She pressed the tip of the seax against the elder her father had blamed for the foolhardy idea to go to war. “Was this your plan all along? Get rid of the only two men with enough spine to oppose you?”

Maxton looked to Barric, his back arched away from her blade. “Do something.”

“Everything I have done. Have worked for. Wanted to become—was for my father.” Her words were punctuated with short breaths. “And now he’s gone. And it’s your fault. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you.”

Sweat trickled down his temple and his eyes widened. (fear) “Barric?”

“Felora, please. You’re upset. We all are. We need time to think through what’s happened.” Barric held out a hand and waved his fingers for her to relinquish the blade.

She wiped her nose on her sleeve and choked back a sob. “I don’t need time to think. I’m done talking.” She ignored the snot crawling toward her lips. “Talking got us here.”

Dell grabbed her wrist with his bandaged hand. “Put it down, girl.” He pressed down on her arm. She resisted. “Won’t do anyone any good. Won’t bring him back. He’d tear a strip off ya one side and down the other if he saw ya like this. That’s no toy.” (subtext and backstory – one of the only people who could talk sense into her was her father – also juxtaposing Dell’s handling of her anger and Barric’s and which one was effective – what does that show us?)

“I know how to use this.” Spittle mixed with tears sprayed from her lips. (trying to keep control of the situation – anger)

“You’re lethal with it, I know—that’s what I’m afraid of.” Dell pushed her arm down to her side. (fear/excitement are over quickly – the adrenaline is wearing off) “That’s it. We’ll get it sorted.”

The elders retreated from the hall and Barric dismissed Dell and the soldiers. She knelt in front of the box on the floor. “How do I fix this? What would you have me do?” The box didn’t answer. (anger spent, grief surfaces as the predominant emotion at the moment)

This is a long post, but hopefully being able see how the emotions are layered in helps. Each emotion doesn’t need it’s own paragraph. Sometimes it’s a gesture, a short bit of internal dialogue, or a piece of body language. Give your readers credit – put them to work in figuring it out. This is why you have beta readers to test your work. Also, see how there’s very little extraneous narrative here. Most gestures, body language cues, internal dialogue, etc. are all working as evidence to SHOW emotions and put the reader IN the story. This is the power of deep point of view.

Dive Deep!

Want to learn more about deep point of view? Heard about it and don’t know what it’s really about? Been told readers struggle to connect with your characters emotionally? Know about deep point of view, but stumped trying to find intermediate-level resources? Registration is now open for Method Acting For Writers: Learn To Write In Deep Point Of View. Class begins May 7 and the cost is $165CDN (approx $130USD).