character descriptions

Last week, I shared about describing minor characters and how we shouldn’t let these opportunities pass us by. This week, I wanted to dive deep into how our protagonists (and antagonists) describe themselves. This often trips up new writers and offers particular challenges if you’ve chosen to write your whole novel in deep point of view.

Avoid The Obvious

I’ll begin by restating a point I made last week that you need to avoid the obvious unless there’s something remarkable about it. Everyone has two eyes, a nose, two ears, a chin, hair, etc. If there’s something about one of those features that shows readers either something about the character being described or the one doing the describing, then that’s fine. Otherwise, you might not need to tell readers things they already assume to be true.

Avoid Cliche

The protagonist who looks in the mirror and catalogues their appearance is a bit tired. Same with the character who walks past a mirror or store front window and notes their appearance. Unless this character is often checking themselves out, this has become cliche.

Particularly in deep point of view, one common violation is the protagonist who touches their curly red hair. Who thinks that to themselves? I sure don’t. I might push the hair out of my face and think – ugh, I need a hat. I am not going to think: my unruly and frizzy black hair is driving me crazy. There may be an argument to be made for someone choosing an outfit and holding up dresses in front of herself in a mirror, but even then, they’re not going to think: which outfit highlights my hourglass shape and full-figured bosom?

Remember, the character is telling the story–you aren’t. What would the character think? What does the character see?

What Does Your Character See?

This leads to my next point. There are many occassions that we look into a mirror to examine a particular part of our face or figures. We might focus on the pimple on our chin or study our neck to see if the cat’s claws left a mark. This is fine if it serves the story, but avoid the temptation to have the protagonist catalogue their appearance while they’re in front of the mirror.

What does the character see? What do they focus on or zero in on? People who aren’t particularly self-confident will avoid looking at particular parts of their body. They go to great pains to only look the parts of themselves they like. What don’t they notice? What do they continuously overlook? And what does that show readers?

Examples

In Adrienne Young’s Sky In The Deep, the main character Eelyn never describes herself or her appearance. Instead, we get a sense of what she looks like, what fashions she wears, by the way she notices her partner’s hair, expressions and clothing. Her fighting partner, Myra wears her long hair in long braids, keeps the hair on one side of her head shorn (brush cut) to the scalp. Eelyn adjusts Myra’s armour and so on, so readers understand what Eelyn’s wearing by how she notes problems or adjusts Myra’s clothing and vice versa.

We get a sense of what Eelyn sees as normal when she is kidnapped by another people group and all she can see are the differences and how foreign they look to her. Readers have no problem understanding the dress, culture or appearance of the characters though the author doesn’t tell us what she’s wearing or how she wears her hair directly appart from where it differs from what’s normal to her.

In Claire Douglas’ Local Girl Missing, we’re not told what the two main characters look like. We see them through the eyes of the other twenty years apart. This novel had a unique construction in that one character tells her story in the present and the other character tells her story through a journal twenty years in the past. It’s interesting to see what has and hasn’t changed, which fits a small-town setting quite well.

What Stands Out Or Isn’t Normal For Your Point Of View Character?

If your character is tall, does she notice the one man she doesn’t have to look down on? That could be one way to show readers she’s very tall for a woman in her society.

A character with blue eyes, who feels those blue eyes are her best feature, may spend time only choosing tops that complement or bring out the blue in her eyes.

There are innumerable workarounds for this. But don’t stop there. Dive deeper into character. Physical beauty is often in the eye of the beholder. One man sees a scrawny woman and another sees a woman who’s lithe and toned. Let the physical details you choose to bring out share something about the character doing the describing, even if they’re noting their own appearance. This is easily contrasted by the views and reactions of other characters — do they have a realistic or authentic view of themselves?

“I’m a sight this morning: two shirts, heavy pants, a scarf wrapped twice around my neck and tucked into a thick sweater knitted by my daughter thirty birthdays ago…and still my body shivers with a cold that will never go away, a cold that has been eighty years in the making.” The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks

Sure, we know what Noah, the point of view character above, is wearing but that doesn’t show us anything about his character. It’s how he feels about what he’s wearing–that shows us much more than his clothes do, right. Someone who’s eighty can have a variety of perspectives about their current season of life, but Noah here — seems tired. He’s worn down.

Been told you should learn Deep Point Of View? Had an editor or critique partner tell you to “go deeper” with the emotions in your fiction? Looking for a community of writers seeking to create emotional connections with readers? Check out the Free Resource Hub and then join the Going Deeper With Emotions In Fiction Facebook group.

There are serious pitfalls in adhereing only to “show don’t tell” when it comes to character descriptions because there’s so much more you can do than simply catalogue a character’s appearance. The goal with any character description should be to paint a word picture for readers, but more than that — what can the description show us about the character doing the describing?

Minor character descriptions are often overlooked by busy writers, because these characters don’t influence the plot a whole lot. They’re often walk-on characters. We have to jot down their names or we forget them. However, every description should move the story forward, so if the character themselves doesn’t influence the plot or character arc then what the description says about the point of view character should!

Avoid Cataloguing Common-To-All Features

If you meet someone and they have no lips, for instance, that would definitely draw the eye no matter how hard you tried not to stare. Most of the time, however, the characters in our stories will have a few common-to-everyone features that we don’t notice unless there’s something remarkable about it.

Noting eye colour, curly hair, great boobs, or an aristocratic jawline will only tell readers what a character looks like. More important, for the sake of story, is what kind of person the main character thinks they are, because that gives readers insight into their motives and opinions. Remember, you’re not telling this story, your main character is. What would your point of view character notice, what would draw their eye?

Have Descriptions Pull Double Duty

What do I mean by pulling double duty? Let your descriptions of minor characters describe what’s important to the point of view character. Show don’t tell is great — it’s a beginning writer’s lesson. Up your game and make descriptions do more than describe a character’s appearance or dress.

What a pov character notices about someone else can serve two important story functions:

- it shows readers what’s important or remarkable to the point of view character based on what they notice and overlook
- shows what the pov character discerns about another character’s values and motives

Whether the pov character’s evaluation is accurate, whether they are a reliable narrator, can be fleshed out in another part of the story.

Examples of Minor Character Descriptions

“Marguerite was dark, greasy skinned and morose-looking, wearing a shiny purple dress that appeared to have been bought when she was a little thinner.” The Silkworm, Robert Galbraith (a pseudonym for J.K. Rowling)

The point of view character here is Strike, an army veteran turned private detective. How does Strike feel about this woman presented to him as a potential love interest? We get to see Marguerite as Strike perceives her — we see her through his perspective.

What Strike notices shows us many things not just about the person he’s observing and evaluating, but about his character as well. From this we get a good guess about what’s important to him and what he’s avoiding. A woman wearing a dress a little too small is trying too hard, she wants to be something she’s not — this woman would need reassurance and comfort to find her confidence. Is he the kind of guy to offer a woman those things?

Her dress isn’t lavender, periwinkle or plum — it’s purple. Maybe this makes him a stereotypical male and maybe he’s the kind of person who doesn’t concern himself with variations – it is what it is.

He doesn’t notice if Marguerite’s hair is curly or if she has long legs. Do you get the sense that even if she possessed features he found attractive, he still wouldn’t be interested based on what he’s assumed about her character?

“Catherine is one of only four women in the class of ’31 and her cruelty knew no bounds. I’ve lost track of all the times I’ve thought Oh God, oh God, she’s finally going to let me, only to be hit in the face with Dear God, she wants me to stop NOW?” Water For Elephants, Sara Gruen

Jacob is the point of view character here. This is the first time we hear of Catherine. Jacob doesn’t tell us what Catherine looks like, maybe it doesn’t matter to him. He feels that Catherine is a tease and a flirt and has decided she finds pleasure in playing these games. What does it show us about him that he continues to play her games knowing the likely outcome — does that make him desperate, a fool, a glutton for punishment, an optimist? And what does this show us of his opinion of women in general — his ideas about consent and other things? This is a guy we can cheer for, right.

“The Windward Spirit, the store boat for all the light stations along that part of the coast, was an old tub, but trusty as a cattle dog, Ralph Addicott said. Old Ralph had skippered the vessel for donkey’s years, and always boasted he had the best job in the world.” The Light Between Oceans, M. L. Stedman

Tom is the point of view character here. Maybe it’s just me, but every time I read this I can’t help but think that the description of the boat is actually a description of Old Ralph: old, well-seasoned, but trustworthy. Tom’s perception is that Ralph won’t let him down. Now, keep in mind that Tom doesn’t actually know Old Ralph, they’ve only just met.

What does this tell us of Tom? Perhaps he’s an exceptional judge of character? Moreso, Tom is the kind of person who likes to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. He doesn’t like to think poorly of anyone or assume anyone has unpure motives. You can bet this bit of character insight is important later on in the story.

What Function Does The Description Serve For Your Story?

In each of these descriptions by main characters about minor characters, they serve the story by showing readers insight into the protagonist’s goals and opinions. We get to see what’s important to them and how they see the world. In each of these stories, knowing this about the main characters provides foreshadow.

These small descriptions build upon one another like blocks in a foundation. A reader, an intelligent reader, may be able to say what kind of person the main character is — what they like about them, but they won’t tell you why they think that. These are subtle descriptions of character that readers pick up on even if they can’t articulate how they’ve come to their opinions about the protagonist.

Come back for Part 2 where we look at describing main characters to readers.

Know what function your description needs to or could serve in your story. Don’t let a description only serve to tell readers what someone looks like.

4 Ways To Write Dynamic Character Descriptions