Mastering Character Description Without Info Dumps In Deep POV

September 29, 2023 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

man sitting behind laptop smiling at camera

One of the more popular posts on this blog is how to spot info dumps that interrupt the effect of deep POV. But I wanted to focus specifically on how to avoid info dumps in deep POV as it relates to describing characters for readers. The feedback I consistently get from readers is please include more examples, so today is all about examples and rewrites. This is part 1. Let’s go!

In deep POV, an info dump becomes any instance where the narrator/writer voice intrudes into the story to give a summary or info the character wouldn’t think about themselves. Sam is always quick to apologize and never late for work. His work ethic, learned on the farm as a boy, has never let him down. What deep POV wants you to do is give the reader the lived experience of meeting Sam. The sentences above TELL readers much more info than we need when we first meet Sam, and nothing that’s really important to the moment. Instead, what deep POV wants you to do is give the reader the POV character’s impression of Sam. What information does the POV character take in? What do they think of Sam? How do they feel about Sam?

Sam stood up to greet me, his handshake firm but polite. His gaze was firmly anchored on my face, his smile genuine. Just once, it would be nice if Sam showed up with bad breath, a stain on his shirt, or a missed typo in an email. Just to prove he wasn’t perfect.

With character descriptions, genre can play a role. Most romance genres want to know up front what a character looks like, but be strategic with those details. Other genres are more flexible. Detailed descriptions of physical traits are often skimmed over when they only report things the reader doesn’t find important.

When The POV Character Describes Another Character

How does your POV character see the world around them? That attitude, their priorities in a given scene, their history and preferences and prejudices all come into play. With deep POV, you must be economical with your words because it’s very easy to bog down the pacing.

Ask what your POV character feels about this character you’re introducing? Do they have a history together? What’s important to your character — what do they look for in another person — what are they looking for from THIS person? A woman might assess whether a man is safe to be alone with. A man might find a woman attractive — but what does he find attractive in this season of life? If he isn’t too concerned with looks, but instead is attracted to confidence, or proficiency or kindness those are the traits that would leap out at him. How would he assess those traits in a new person, what would he look for?

Resist the urge to describe a new character by their physical traits alone. A person having dark hair, or glasses or a limp is just reporting. Use description to show how the POV character feels about this character.

Examples Of Character Description From Limited 3rd Person Into Deep POV

3rd Person Limited: Sally tapped her toe and watched the numbers above the elevator count down its arrival. A man suddenly stood next to her. She moved a step away, but noted his dark hair, square jaw, and crisp shirt collar. Didn’t look like a rapist. (words like ‘watched’ and ‘noted’ add narrative distance. words like “suddenly” are the narrator voice. What causes the character to notice something? Or show the reaction – are they startled, whatever.)

Deep POV: Sally tapped her toe ticking off the seconds the slow elevator made her even later. The clack of a hard-soled shoe on the tile floor stopped next to her. The giant of a man stood half a step too close, so she eased out from under his shadow. He just stared at his phone like she wasn’t there. He wore leather shoes polished to a shine and an expensive watch. Far from harmless, but nothing about him said take the stairs.

3rd Person Limited: So that was Bill Pleat. All grown up. She squinted to merge her memory of his eight-year-old face with this adult in front of her. Maybe he’d changed? His eyes were the same, he was taller, but less hair. Definitely less hair. (This objective reporting of physical traits shows what’s different, but not how the POV character feels.)

Deep POV: So that’s Bill Pleat. All grown up. His eight-year-old voice still crisp in her memory. You’re such a loser! And now he worked for her. People change. He could have changed. She straightened to her full height and walked over to him, hand out in greeting.

Limited 3rd Person: She looked past all the new faces, searching for him. Grandpa had to be here somewhere. (words like ‘looked’ add narrative distance. just show what they see. How does she feel about Grandpa?)

Deep POV: She stood up on her tiptoes. Her gaze skimmed over those with dark hair focusing on the silver heads. She wove upstream through the crowd. An elbow jabbed into her shoulder. A workboot tromped on her toe.

“Taryn!”

She pushed towards his voice. “Grandpa!”

His familiar grin widened and the laugh lines around his eyes danced. She wrapped her arms around his barrel chest and hugged him.

3rd Person Limited: Joe leaned forward as he watched the game. Alicia darted down the stairs and out the door. What was that about? He went to the door and bellowed. She just got in a car and drove off. (This is objective reporting. We don’t know why he’s calling her back, what he’s noticed, or what he’s feeling. More properly, this is more like Objective third person.)

Deep POV: Just one more goal to tie up the game. Joe leaned forward in his recliner, the leather creaking under his thighs. Every muscle tense as the ball moved towards the goal. Movement on the stairs pulled his gaze from the tv, just a glance. Alicia.

“Bye Dad. Home by curfew.”

He grunted. The defense blocked the striker and now had possession. That was a lot of bare skin. She can’t go out like that. He jumped to his feet, ignoring the crowd roaring on the tv. She ran down the drive towards a waiting car with legs bare up to her hips. He jerked open the front door. “Alicia! Get back here.”

His little girl gave half a wave, got in the car and was gone.

Answer The WHY

Remember to answer the WHY. What information does the character take notice of? We don’t think about the things we don’t notice or we take for granted (familiarity). Important things escape our notice when we’re distracted, or focused on other things.

What does the character do with the information they take in about the other character? What are they feeling? What do those feelings make them do/say/think? If the information doesn’t move the story ahead in some way, maybe take an objective look at whether you need it. We don’t always need to know what a character looks like the first time they’re introduced, we don’t always need a detailed description of physical features. Details that show what kind of person the POV character believes them to be, or could be, are more important than a recitation of physical features.

Notable Character Details

When I think back to characters with memorable physical traits, those traits told readers much more than height or hair colour — those traits offered important insights into those characters. If you want to describe a physical trait, make sure it says more about the character than simply reporting facts that don’t mean much or stand in for anything.

Buttercup – Hunger Games. Buttercup belongs to Primrose Everdeen, the protagonist Katniss Everdeen’s sister. Katniss and Buttercup do not get along. But on page one of the book, Katniss describes this cat as “the world’s ugliest cat” with a “mashed-in nose, half of one ear missing, eyes the color of rotting squash.” But Prim named the cat Buttercup. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and this shows us quite a lot about how Katniss sees the world, but also that she has respect for survivors.

Tyrion Lannister – Game of Thrones. His height and physical limitations defined this character. He proved his intelligence and wit were just as effective as weapons as a sword. “I’m guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I’m guilty of being a dwarf.”

“Let them see that their words can cut you, and you’ll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name, take it, make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore.”

Jack Reacher. He is tall – very tall. He is not a man you want to cross. What was the biggest critique of Tom Cruise as Reacher? He’s not tall enough to be Reacher. Reacher’s height defines him — he’s bigger than most opponents physically and intellectually.

Anne Shirley – Anne Of Green Gables. Anne wouldn’t be Anne without her red hair, but she would say her red hair was her biggest trial. lol With her wit, short temper, way with words and strong sense of justice, Anne exemplifies fiery. “You’d find it easier to be bad than good if you had red hair… People who haven’t red hair don’t know what trouble is.”

Lisbeth Salander – Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. There are only hard edges to Lisbeth — no generous feminine curves, flowing hair, glowing skin. Her physical traits stand in to show the reader she doesn’t care what others think. Larsson doesn’t give us a description of Lisbeth right off. We get this two page description of her meticulous, creative, probably illegal, “dry as dust” reporting style of those she investigates – highlighting her sense of justice regardless of any timetable or the predicament revealing sensitive info would create.

“Armansky’s star researcher was a pale, anorexic young woman who had hair as short as a fuse, and a pierced nose and eyebrow…She was a natural redhead, but she dyed her hair raven black. She looked as though she had just emerged from a week long orgy with a gang of hard rockers.”

BAM!! What a great description. A redhead who dyes her hair black. Hair as short as a fuse. These details show readers what kind of person Lisbeth is, how others perceive her. This description gives far more info than – ‘she had short, dark hair.’

When is it wise to use telling or author intrusion when describing a character? Or is it ever wise? What do you think?

4 Ways To Write Dynamic Character Descriptions

September 18, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 1 Comment

Last week, I shared about describing minor characters and how we shouldn’t let these opportunities pass us by. This week, I wanted to dive deep into how our protagonists (and antagonists) describe themselves. This often trips up new writers and offers particular challenges if you’ve chosen to write your whole novel in deep point of view.

Avoid The Obvious

I’ll begin by restating a point I made last week that you need to avoid the obvious unless there’s something remarkable about it. Everyone has two eyes, a nose, two ears, a chin, hair, etc. If there’s something about one of those features that shows readers either something about the character being described or the one doing the describing, then that’s fine. Otherwise, you might not need to tell readers things they already assume to be true.

Avoid Cliche

The protagonist who looks in the mirror and catalogues their appearance is a bit tired. Same with the character who walks past a mirror or store front window and notes their appearance. Unless this character is often checking themselves out, this has become cliche.

Particularly in deep point of view, one common violation is the protagonist who touches their curly red hair. Who thinks that to themselves? I sure don’t. I might push the hair out of my face and think – ugh, I need a hat. I am not going to think: my unruly and frizzy black hair is driving me crazy. There may be an argument to be made for someone choosing an outfit and holding up dresses in front of herself in a mirror, but even then, they’re not going to think: which outfit highlights my hourglass shape and full-figured bosom?

Remember, the character is telling the story–you aren’t. What would the character think? What does the character see?

What Does Your Character See?

This leads to my next point. There are many occassions that we look into a mirror to examine a particular part of our face or figures. We might focus on the pimple on our chin or study our neck to see if the cat’s claws left a mark. This is fine if it serves the story, but avoid the temptation to have the protagonist catalogue their appearance while they’re in front of the mirror.

What does the character see? What do they focus on or zero in on? People who aren’t particularly self-confident will avoid looking at particular parts of their body. They go to great pains to only look the parts of themselves they like. What don’t they notice? What do they continuously overlook? And what does that show readers?

Examples

In Adrienne Young’s Sky In The Deep, the main character Eelyn never describes herself or her appearance. Instead, we get a sense of what she looks like, what fashions she wears, by the way she notices her partner’s hair, expressions and clothing. Her fighting partner, Myra wears her long hair in long braids, keeps the hair on one side of her head shorn (brush cut) to the scalp. Eelyn adjusts Myra’s armour and so on, so readers understand what Eelyn’s wearing by how she notes problems or adjusts Myra’s clothing and vice versa.

We get a sense of what Eelyn sees as normal when she is kidnapped by another people group and all she can see are the differences and how foreign they look to her. Readers have no problem understanding the dress, culture or appearance of the characters though the author doesn’t tell us what she’s wearing or how she wears her hair directly appart from where it differs from what’s normal to her.

In Claire Douglas’ Local Girl Missing, we’re not told what the two main characters look like. We see them through the eyes of the other twenty years apart. This novel had a unique construction in that one character tells her story in the present and the other character tells her story through a journal twenty years in the past. It’s interesting to see what has and hasn’t changed, which fits a small-town setting quite well.

What Stands Out Or Isn’t Normal For Your Point Of View Character?

If your character is tall, does she notice the one man she doesn’t have to look down on? That could be one way to show readers she’s very tall for a woman in her society.

A character with blue eyes, who feels those blue eyes are her best feature, may spend time only choosing tops that complement or bring out the blue in her eyes.

There are innumerable workarounds for this. But don’t stop there. Dive deeper into character. Physical beauty is often in the eye of the beholder. One man sees a scrawny woman and another sees a woman who’s lithe and toned. Let the physical details you choose to bring out share something about the character doing the describing, even if they’re noting their own appearance. This is easily contrasted by the views and reactions of other characters — do they have a realistic or authentic view of themselves?

“I’m a sight this morning: two shirts, heavy pants, a scarf wrapped twice around my neck and tucked into a thick sweater knitted by my daughter thirty birthdays ago…and still my body shivers with a cold that will never go away, a cold that has been eighty years in the making.” The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks

Sure, we know what Noah, the point of view character above, is wearing but that doesn’t show us anything about his character. It’s how he feels about what he’s wearing–that shows us much more than his clothes do, right. Someone who’s eighty can have a variety of perspectives about their current season of life, but Noah here — seems tired. He’s worn down.

Been told you should learn Deep Point Of View? Had an editor or critique partner tell you to “go deeper” with the emotions in your fiction? Looking for a community of writers seeking to create emotional connections with readers? Check out the Free Resource Hub and then join the Going Deeper With Emotions In Fiction Facebook group.

Write Minor Character Descriptions Like A Pro Even If You’re A Beginner

September 11, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

There are serious pitfalls in adhereing only to “show don’t tell” when it comes to character descriptions because there’s so much more you can do than simply catalogue a character’s appearance. The goal with any character description should be to paint a word picture for readers, but more than that — what can the description show us about the character doing the describing?

Minor character descriptions are often overlooked by busy writers, because these characters don’t influence the plot a whole lot. They’re often walk-on characters. We have to jot down their names or we forget them. However, every description should move the story forward, so if the character themselves doesn’t influence the plot or character arc then what the description says about the point of view character should!

Avoid Cataloguing Common-To-All Features

If you meet someone and they have no lips, for instance, that would definitely draw the eye no matter how hard you tried not to stare. Most of the time, however, the characters in our stories will have a few common-to-everyone features that we don’t notice unless there’s something remarkable about it.

Noting eye colour, curly hair, great boobs, or an aristocratic jawline will only tell readers what a character looks like. More important, for the sake of story, is what kind of person the main character thinks they are, because that gives readers insight into their motives and opinions. Remember, you’re not telling this story, your main character is. What would your point of view character notice, what would draw their eye?

Have Descriptions Pull Double Duty

What do I mean by pulling double duty? Let your descriptions of minor characters describe what’s important to the point of view character. Show don’t tell is great — it’s a beginning writer’s lesson. Up your game and make descriptions do more than describe a character’s appearance or dress.

What a pov character notices about someone else can serve two important story functions:

- it shows readers what’s important or remarkable to the point of view character based on what they notice and overlook
- shows what the pov character discerns about another character’s values and motives

Whether the pov character’s evaluation is accurate, whether they are a reliable narrator, can be fleshed out in another part of the story.

Examples of Minor Character Descriptions

“Marguerite was dark, greasy skinned and morose-looking, wearing a shiny purple dress that appeared to have been bought when she was a little thinner.” The Silkworm, Robert Galbraith (a pseudonym for J.K. Rowling)

The point of view character here is Strike, an army veteran turned private detective. How does Strike feel about this woman presented to him as a potential love interest? We get to see Marguerite as Strike perceives her — we see her through his perspective.

What Strike notices shows us many things not just about the person he’s observing and evaluating, but about his character as well. From this we get a good guess about what’s important to him and what he’s avoiding. A woman wearing a dress a little too small is trying too hard, she wants to be something she’s not — this woman would need reassurance and comfort to find her confidence. Is he the kind of guy to offer a woman those things?

Her dress isn’t lavender, periwinkle or plum — it’s purple. Maybe this makes him a stereotypical male and maybe he’s the kind of person who doesn’t concern himself with variations – it is what it is.

He doesn’t notice if Marguerite’s hair is curly or if she has long legs. Do you get the sense that even if she possessed features he found attractive, he still wouldn’t be interested based on what he’s assumed about her character?

“Catherine is one of only four women in the class of ’31 and her cruelty knew no bounds. I’ve lost track of all the times I’ve thought Oh God, oh God, she’s finally going to let me, only to be hit in the face with Dear God, she wants me to stop NOW?” Water For Elephants, Sara Gruen

Jacob is the point of view character here. This is the first time we hear of Catherine. Jacob doesn’t tell us what Catherine looks like, maybe it doesn’t matter to him. He feels that Catherine is a tease and a flirt and has decided she finds pleasure in playing these games. What does it show us about him that he continues to play her games knowing the likely outcome — does that make him desperate, a fool, a glutton for punishment, an optimist? And what does this show us of his opinion of women in general — his ideas about consent and other things? This is a guy we can cheer for, right.

“The Windward Spirit, the store boat for all the light stations along that part of the coast, was an old tub, but trusty as a cattle dog, Ralph Addicott said. Old Ralph had skippered the vessel for donkey’s years, and always boasted he had the best job in the world.” The Light Between Oceans, M. L. Stedman

Tom is the point of view character here. Maybe it’s just me, but every time I read this I can’t help but think that the description of the boat is actually a description of Old Ralph: old, well-seasoned, but trustworthy. Tom’s perception is that Ralph won’t let him down. Now, keep in mind that Tom doesn’t actually know Old Ralph, they’ve only just met.

What does this tell us of Tom? Perhaps he’s an exceptional judge of character? Moreso, Tom is the kind of person who likes to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. He doesn’t like to think poorly of anyone or assume anyone has unpure motives. You can bet this bit of character insight is important later on in the story.

What Function Does The Description Serve For Your Story?

In each of these descriptions by main characters about minor characters, they serve the story by showing readers insight into the protagonist’s goals and opinions. We get to see what’s important to them and how they see the world. In each of these stories, knowing this about the main characters provides foreshadow.

These small descriptions build upon one another like blocks in a foundation. A reader, an intelligent reader, may be able to say what kind of person the main character is — what they like about them, but they won’t tell you why they think that. These are subtle descriptions of character that readers pick up on even if they can’t articulate how they’ve come to their opinions about the protagonist.

Come back for Part 2 where we look at describing main characters to readers.

Know what function your description needs to or could serve in your story. Don’t let a description only serve to tell readers what someone looks like.