3 Ways Author Intrusion Creeps In And How To Fix It!

Deep point of view is a stylistic choice to remove the author voice or narration and instead write the story as though the reader is inside the character’s head. You want to remove any hints that the reader is in a chair at home reading a story instead of living out the story alongside the main character(s).

Learning to recognize when the author voice is summarizing, explaining, or justifying is game changing!! When you remove the author voice, you’re forced to dive deeper into your character’s emotions, priorities, fears, etc. and really get curious about what ELSE is going on inside them. This creates compelling internal conflict that pulls the reader deeper into the character’s lived experience.

It’s about delivering the raw information to the reader instead of undercutting the tension by explaining, justifying or summarizing how a character feels, why they feel that way, or explaining their rationale or motives to try and make the character more likeable.

Example One: The Author Voice Is Summarizing

She felt uneasy in the dim hallway, anxious that something might go wrong, nervous about what awaited her at the end.  

The problem here is that the author voice has crept in to summarize how the character feels. Deep POV wants the raw information from the character. Written this way, the reader is kept at arm’s length from the character’s perspective, naming the emotion rather than inhabiting it—creating psychic distance rather than intimacy. Here’s the rewrite:

She forced her arms to stay at her sides as she walked the length of the hallway. The walls seemed to close in around her. If he said no, she was leaving.

Don’t TELL the reader the character is anxious or uneasy or nervous. Put the reader in the character’s skin. Show the stakes the character faces. Resist the temptation to narrate the character’s emotions or thoughts, simply share the raw information. The author summary cheats the reader by skimming over the emotions that would pull the reader deeper into the story.

Example Two: Author Voice Explains

Sarah was afraid of the dark basement. She knew it was silly, but she’d always been scared of what might be hiding down there. The creaky stairs and musty smell made her nervous, and she imagined ghosts or rats lurking in the shadows.

The author voice is explaining why the character is afraid of the basement. This undercuts any tension that might be generated here. Instead, get curious about the emotions driving the scene, and the internal sensations creating a sense of urgency or panic.

Don’t TELL readers the character is scared or nervous, that she’s imagining things. Be specific and particular. The author voice explains why she’s afraid of the dark, but deep POV wants to know not only WHY she’s afraid, but how that fear FEELS.

Put yourself literally in the character’s shoes. What are they feeling – physically, internally, emotionally. What’s the concern behind the emotion? That’s the key to going deeper. Get curious about what values she attributes to being afraid. Does she hide this fear? Is this fear rational — as in, is there something from her past that validates this fear even if objectively there’s no reason to be afraid?

The basement door groaned open. Cold air curled up the stairs, thick with mildew and something sharp—metal? Her foot hovered over the first step. No. Not again. She gripped the railing, breath tight in her throat. Nothing waited in the dark. Probably. But her feet wouldn’t move forward.

Example Three: Author Justification

Jason slammed the door harder than he meant to. He was just tired from a long day and didn’t have the energy to explain himself. Of course he cared about her—he just wasn’t good at showing it. She should’ve known that by now.

The author voice/narrator explains and defends Jason’s actions (“he was just tired,” “of course he cared,” “she should’ve known”). Instead, how would Jason defend his actions to himself? If he’s alone in his own mind, using his own words, how would he defend himself against whatever’s happened? Why does he feel the need to defend himself – maybe he doesn’t!

This is a great opportunity to explore the rationalizations and inner conflict directly, instead of undercutting the tension and justifying his motives. Every word on the page comes directly from the POV character. We want the story to come across as though the reader is on a direct IV drip from the character.

The door cracked shut behind him—too loud. Damn it. He rubbed his face, the weight behind his eyes heavier than it had been this morning. Words stacked behind his teeth, none of them right. She stood there, waiting. Again. He opened his mouth. Closed it. He couldn’t win. Heat flared up in his chest. He shouldn’t have to defend every little action.

The Author Voice Undermines Everything Deep POV Aims To Achieve

In summary, the key for all three of these examples is to watch for when the author voice or narrator skips how things feel, why they feel that way, what’s at stake, or why it’s important to them. Not every scene requires this depth, but when you need an emotional gut-punch, this is a great exercise to try.

If this feels too basic, try diving deeper into deep POV by learning emotional context.

What’s your biggest struggle when it comes to the use of the author voice? Do you struggle to identify it? Do you struggle with how to fix it? Does it seem like too much work to go deep every time?