Mastering Character Description Without Info Dumps In Deep POV

September 29, 2023 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

man sitting behind laptop smiling at camera

One of the more popular posts on this blog is how to spot info dumps that interrupt the effect of deep POV. But I wanted to focus specifically on how to avoid info dumps in deep POV as it relates to describing characters for readers. The feedback I consistently get from readers is please include more examples, so today is all about examples and rewrites. This is part 1. Let’s go!

In deep POV, an info dump becomes any instance where the narrator/writer voice intrudes into the story to give a summary or info the character wouldn’t think about themselves. Sam is always quick to apologize and never late for work. His work ethic, learned on the farm as a boy, has never let him down. What deep POV wants you to do is give the reader the lived experience of meeting Sam. The sentences above TELL readers much more info than we need when we first meet Sam, and nothing that’s really important to the moment. Instead, what deep POV wants you to do is give the reader the POV character’s impression of Sam. What information does the POV character take in? What do they think of Sam? How do they feel about Sam?

Sam stood up to greet me, his handshake firm but polite. His gaze was firmly anchored on my face, his smile genuine. Just once, it would be nice if Sam showed up with bad breath, a stain on his shirt, or a missed typo in an email. Just to prove he wasn’t perfect.

With character descriptions, genre can play a role. Most romance genres want to know up front what a character looks like, but be strategic with those details. Other genres are more flexible. Detailed descriptions of physical traits are often skimmed over when they only report things the reader doesn’t find important.

When The POV Character Describes Another Character

How does your POV character see the world around them? That attitude, their priorities in a given scene, their history and preferences and prejudices all come into play. With deep POV, you must be economical with your words because it’s very easy to bog down the pacing.

Ask what your POV character feels about this character you’re introducing? Do they have a history together? What’s important to your character — what do they look for in another person — what are they looking for from THIS person? A woman might assess whether a man is safe to be alone with. A man might find a woman attractive — but what does he find attractive in this season of life? If he isn’t too concerned with looks, but instead is attracted to confidence, or proficiency or kindness those are the traits that would leap out at him. How would he assess those traits in a new person, what would he look for?

Resist the urge to describe a new character by their physical traits alone. A person having dark hair, or glasses or a limp is just reporting. Use description to show how the POV character feels about this character.

Examples Of Character Description From Limited 3rd Person Into Deep POV

3rd Person Limited: Sally tapped her toe and watched the numbers above the elevator count down its arrival. A man suddenly stood next to her. She moved a step away, but noted his dark hair, square jaw, and crisp shirt collar. Didn’t look like a rapist. (words like ‘watched’ and ‘noted’ add narrative distance. words like “suddenly” are the narrator voice. What causes the character to notice something? Or show the reaction – are they startled, whatever.)

Deep POV: Sally tapped her toe ticking off the seconds the slow elevator made her even later. The clack of a hard-soled shoe on the tile floor stopped next to her. The giant of a man stood half a step too close, so she eased out from under his shadow. He just stared at his phone like she wasn’t there. He wore leather shoes polished to a shine and an expensive watch. Far from harmless, but nothing about him said take the stairs.

3rd Person Limited: So that was Bill Pleat. All grown up. She squinted to merge her memory of his eight-year-old face with this adult in front of her. Maybe he’d changed? His eyes were the same, he was taller, but less hair. Definitely less hair. (This objective reporting of physical traits shows what’s different, but not how the POV character feels.)

Deep POV: So that’s Bill Pleat. All grown up. His eight-year-old voice still crisp in her memory. You’re such a loser! And now he worked for her. People change. He could have changed. She straightened to her full height and walked over to him, hand out in greeting.

Limited 3rd Person: She looked past all the new faces, searching for him. Grandpa had to be here somewhere. (words like ‘looked’ add narrative distance. just show what they see. How does she feel about Grandpa?)

Deep POV: She stood up on her tiptoes. Her gaze skimmed over those with dark hair focusing on the silver heads. She wove upstream through the crowd. An elbow jabbed into her shoulder. A workboot tromped on her toe.

“Taryn!”

She pushed towards his voice. “Grandpa!”

His familiar grin widened and the laugh lines around his eyes danced. She wrapped her arms around his barrel chest and hugged him.

3rd Person Limited: Joe leaned forward as he watched the game. Alicia darted down the stairs and out the door. What was that about? He went to the door and bellowed. She just got in a car and drove off. (This is objective reporting. We don’t know why he’s calling her back, what he’s noticed, or what he’s feeling. More properly, this is more like Objective third person.)

Deep POV: Just one more goal to tie up the game. Joe leaned forward in his recliner, the leather creaking under his thighs. Every muscle tense as the ball moved towards the goal. Movement on the stairs pulled his gaze from the tv, just a glance. Alicia.

“Bye Dad. Home by curfew.”

He grunted. The defense blocked the striker and now had possession. That was a lot of bare skin. She can’t go out like that. He jumped to his feet, ignoring the crowd roaring on the tv. She ran down the drive towards a waiting car with legs bare up to her hips. He jerked open the front door. “Alicia! Get back here.”

His little girl gave half a wave, got in the car and was gone.

Answer The WHY

Remember to answer the WHY. What information does the character take notice of? We don’t think about the things we don’t notice or we take for granted (familiarity). Important things escape our notice when we’re distracted, or focused on other things.

What does the character do with the information they take in about the other character? What are they feeling? What do those feelings make them do/say/think? If the information doesn’t move the story ahead in some way, maybe take an objective look at whether you need it. We don’t always need to know what a character looks like the first time they’re introduced, we don’t always need a detailed description of physical features. Details that show what kind of person the POV character believes them to be, or could be, are more important than a recitation of physical features.

Notable Character Details

When I think back to characters with memorable physical traits, those traits told readers much more than height or hair colour — those traits offered important insights into those characters. If you want to describe a physical trait, make sure it says more about the character than simply reporting facts that don’t mean much or stand in for anything.

Buttercup – Hunger Games. Buttercup belongs to Primrose Everdeen, the protagonist Katniss Everdeen’s sister. Katniss and Buttercup do not get along. But on page one of the book, Katniss describes this cat as “the world’s ugliest cat” with a “mashed-in nose, half of one ear missing, eyes the color of rotting squash.” But Prim named the cat Buttercup. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and this shows us quite a lot about how Katniss sees the world, but also that she has respect for survivors.

Tyrion Lannister – Game of Thrones. His height and physical limitations defined this character. He proved his intelligence and wit were just as effective as weapons as a sword. “I’m guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I’m guilty of being a dwarf.”

“Let them see that their words can cut you, and you’ll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name, take it, make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore.”

Jack Reacher. He is tall – very tall. He is not a man you want to cross. What was the biggest critique of Tom Cruise as Reacher? He’s not tall enough to be Reacher. Reacher’s height defines him — he’s bigger than most opponents physically and intellectually.

Anne Shirley – Anne Of Green Gables. Anne wouldn’t be Anne without her red hair, but she would say her red hair was her biggest trial. lol With her wit, short temper, way with words and strong sense of justice, Anne exemplifies fiery. “You’d find it easier to be bad than good if you had red hair… People who haven’t red hair don’t know what trouble is.”

Lisbeth Salander – Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. There are only hard edges to Lisbeth — no generous feminine curves, flowing hair, glowing skin. Her physical traits stand in to show the reader she doesn’t care what others think. Larsson doesn’t give us a description of Lisbeth right off. We get this two page description of her meticulous, creative, probably illegal, “dry as dust” reporting style of those she investigates – highlighting her sense of justice regardless of any timetable or the predicament revealing sensitive info would create.

“Armansky’s star researcher was a pale, anorexic young woman who had hair as short as a fuse, and a pierced nose and eyebrow…She was a natural redhead, but she dyed her hair raven black. She looked as though she had just emerged from a week long orgy with a gang of hard rockers.”

BAM!! What a great description. A redhead who dyes her hair black. Hair as short as a fuse. These details show readers what kind of person Lisbeth is, how others perceive her. This description gives far more info than – ‘she had short, dark hair.’

When is it wise to use telling or author intrusion when describing a character? Or is it ever wise? What do you think?

4 Responses To Uncertainty That Create Tension In Fiction

January 13, 2022 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

Something I’ve observed over the last two years or so is how different personalities react to uncertainty. Very little about life is certain, that’s always been true, but when the stakes are raised different personalities handle uncertainty in varied ways that can create all sorts of really compelling internal conflict. So how can you use this for your characters?

What Is Uncertainty?

Most of us can probably parse out what uncertainty means, many of us are word nerds after all. Uncertainty is a situation in which something is unknown or unknowable. Simple enough. But let me take you through a brief thought exercise that helped me wrap my head about this idea that on the surface appears simple but is astoundingly complex.

I googled a bunch of synonyms for uncertainty because I was curious about the true scope of what uncertainty includes. These are a few of the results I found: doubt, confusion, upheaval, unpredictable, unreliable, precarious, variable, ambiguous, concern, distrust, suspicion, skeptical, conjecture, indecision, hesitant, prolongation, wanderlust…

Now, as word nerds we can look at that list and understand how context, connotation, and nuance lends to meaning. Upheaval and indecision are very different, but inherent in both is this element of uncertainty. Do you see where I’m going with this? Uncertainty runs through almost every aspect of life and how your character deals with uncertainty can really increase the stakes for readers.

Let’s get more curious about this and see how this can add emotional depth to our fiction.

Personality Types And Uncertainty

There are several popular personality typing systems out there, and diving into each one with their multiple descriptions and labels is just a time-wasting rabbit hole in this context. Instead, I poured over three of the bigger ones to try and parse out five different ways that the various personality types are said to respond to uncertainty. These are just how I interpreted those personality descriptions, it’s completely generalized, but I wanted to focus in on the WHY behind each response to uncertainty, because that nuanced information is really helpful to writers.

The WHY helps us understand the character’s priority, their goals with certain behaviours or thinking patterns, predispositions to react in specific ways — but then you force them to find another way through the problem, you remove the crutches, the familiarity, and BOOM! Instant tension.

Order And Predictability

These types find uncertainty extremely difficult and the way to a sense of safety is through a step-by-step process, a rigid structure (either self-created or imported from other sources). They may doggedly follow (or break) rules to fit into their chosen structure. Their focus is on safety (like many of the others below), but the WHY seems to be a need for a guarantee. There is very little or no tolerance for uncertainty of any kind.

From their trust in the process, they can find ways to help or offer pragmatic solutions. Helping is used as a distraction from the uncertainty, the helping isn’t the WHY behind their actions or thinking. When those processes don’t work as promised or predicted, anger and resentment follows and they shift the blame because the process can’t be the problem or weak point.

Intellectuals Who Question Everything

I’ve observed two general types of intellectuals and they’re both excited or energized by uncertainty and change. They see opportunity instead of calamity and it fires up their out-of-the-box thinking. These types can appear spontaneous, but every decision has been thought out, they just rarely bother to include others in the thought processes (think Sherlock Holmes).

Those more prone to analysis, their WHY is a solution. Iron Man comes to mind. “Things are gonna get weird.” They will turn to research and raw data and experimentation to find the solution. They are constantly looking to make things more efficient or streamlined or scaling things, creating uncertainty even where none appears to exist, but if solutions remain elusive, if overwhelmed or lacking agency, their focus gets very very narrow and depression can set in. Their solutions can drift to focus on “the greater good” without thought to consequence or costs.

Those intellectuals who lean more to towards philosophy than analysis (my own explanations) are collectors of knowledge so turn to research because their WHY is truth (more Dr. Banner than Iron Man). Once they know the truth, they can make a decision but no source of info is off the table – raw data, conspiracy theories, expert opinions, personal experience, historical records — they’re going to research and read all the things and then decide for themselves. But if the truth remains elusive, if they can’t parse out the truth from the varied sources available to them, they throw up their hands and can become fatalistic. What’s it all mean?

Both types may qualify their opinions by acknowledging that new information may present itself, or that things might change, or they can’t know everything, While these types are skeptical by nature, they aren’t cynics.

The Sky Is Falling Cynics

Cynics face uncertainty with negative-bias split decisions. There is no uncertainty. By expecting the worst, by assuming the world is against them, their focus is protection. They tend to eliminate uncertainty by creating a narrative, but that narrative brings tension rather than comfort. They tend to have a negative view overall, so they blame corruption, abuse of power, someone is untrustworthy, something is broken or unjust — things that are outside their perceived ability to control or change. The focus is protection, but their WHY seems to be avoiding guilt, shame, responsibility, etc.

Now, a caveat to this is trauma. Someone facing uncertainty who is viewing the world through a trauma lens, their focus is on preventing what happened before at all costs and their WHY is a perceived sense of control. They tend not to trust anyone. They doubt everything that’s said to them, because they’ve been lied to, gaslighted, etc. Often, they struggle to even trust themselves because they may have believed the lies or they learned to ignore emotional or physical pain. An almost universal sense of helplessness appears to others as fatalism. For childhood trauma, all kinds of things lend to a play-dead response because fighting back or running away wasn’t an option.

So, a trauma survivor may be predisposed to one of the other uncertainty personality responses, but this trauma response will either be overlaid or in conflict with that.

The Avoiders And Optimists

Uncertainty causes some profound discomfort so they isolate and insulate. The avoiders flatly deny the uncertainty exists even when it makes them look irrational. Some take a very laid-back approach and decide to keep their heads down and just wait things out and see where the dust settles. The optimists are the perpetual silver-linings types, meme-warriors and inspirational quote-collectors. All of these types focus on personal safety, but their WHY is internal peace and that’s an important distinction.

From within that place of safety and internal peace, some are able to engage their out-of-the-box thinking to create or find solutions – so they may appear to be intellectual analysts but their WHY is different so that would change their internal conflict and internal dialogue. Some divert energy into finding/offering hope to others (this could be a tangible help, but it doesn’t have to be). They are more prone to sympathize without empathy (because true empathy would threaten that inner peace), but mature individuals and/or those with strong support systems are able to empathize and offer powerful help to others. When overwhelmed, this type can lean towards cynicism.

So, those are my big picture classifications based on reading the way different personality-typing systems describe a tolerance for and approach to uncertainty. The focus and the WHY are the key take-aways here because that’s how you can make your character’s journey unique and individual. That’s how you can SHOW the reader why they’re making decisions, their priorities, etc. Your next steps would be to take these basic groupings, and decide what response best fits with your character and then how uncertainty creates internal conflict for them. You could go a step farther and take away the option of responding in the way that comes naturally — remove the option for the denier to deny, remove the option of the intellectual to find a solution or parse out the truth.

Lisa’s 5 week masterclass on learning to write deep pov launches January 24, 2022. Find more info here. This class will also run in April and October of 2022.

Is there one type, or a blending of types, that you’re using for your POV character?

1 Pro Tip To Create Emotional Depth In Deep POV

December 9, 2021 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

I have mainly been writing guest posts for other blogs and neglecting my own. *sad face* So, I’m hoping to post here more regularly going forward, but it will mean shorter posts. *mittened fist-bump*

One of the things that writers seem to struggle with a lot when shifting from limited third person to deep point of view is using the character’s whole body to show emotions. We learn to remove the telling emotion and thought words, but don’t add in how the emotion feels – the emotions stay in this cerebral thinking mode that doesn’t really immerse the reader in how the character feels.

Limited third person POV allows the writer/author voice to summarize, explain, and justify how a character feels. Whereas deep point of view asks the writer to remove their own voice and capture what the pov character sees, perceives, feels, intuits, etc without that narrative explanation, justification or summarization.

With narrator/writer voice: Jarrah’s heart was breaking and he didn’t even care. How could he betray her like that again and expect her to believe the same lies? She wanted to double over with the pain filling her chest. Steve’s fake contriteness was nothing more than a smoke screen. “I’m not buying it this time.”

Without narrator/writer voice: Steve slouched his shoulders and peered up at her like a contrite puppy. He even made his lips quiver as though he was on the verge of tears. “It just happened. It didn’t mean anything. I swear.” He wrapped his hands around hers as though he shared his warmth. “It’s you I love.”

Jarrah snatched back her hands from his icy grip and folded her arms over her heart. He couldn’t even come up with a new act. Same explanation, same affectation. Every. Single. Time. She would not cry. She drew in a deep breath and stiffened her spine even though her heart bled out. “I’m not buying it this time.”

Do you see the difference with the writer/narrator voice and without? The reader must lean in and perceive the betrayal, the heartache, the resolve that’s breaking her heart.

Add In Reactions

When something happens in the story, look for your POV character’s emotional reaction. You’ve likely built in a thinking reaction – he was stunned, she gulped, etc. Many of these reactions are either telling (the writer/narrator voice is explaining, summarizing or justifying) or you’ve used a simple beat (just an action) when you need to upgrade to a complex beat (action that conveys emotion).

Let’s say Sherry has just found out she’s been fired for something someone else did.

Simple beat:

Sherry stuffed her hands in her pockets. “I don’t understand.”

Sherry shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t…” She stared at the floor. “I don’t understand.”

Complex beat:

Sherry’s throat constricted, strangling her words. “I don’t… I… Why?”

“I don’t…” Sherry choked on the lump in her throat, coughing. “I…” Her vision blurred with tears. She sucked in a deep breath to regain her voice. “Why?”

When the emotional reaction remains solely in the character’s head, in just their thoughts, it keeps the reader at a distance from the tension you’re creating. The goal of deep pov is to immerse the reader in the lived experience of the character’s journey.

The Body As An Orchestra For Communication

We feel emotions with our whole bodies. When we relegate emotions just to our heads, to our thoughts, that’s usually a sign of trauma – of dissociation. And if that’s what you’re going for that’s fine. The character can puzzle through why something that should hurt, does not. Or be thankful that this awful thing doesn’t affect them. This clues the reader in that something is off.

But without that trauma or shock element, emotions should be felt throughout the whole body. Tension is felt in the shoulders, spine, joints, jaw, fingers/fists, gut, heart rate, perspiration, stability (sensation of weak joints or limbs, or quivering/shaking/trembling). You can show confusion, distraction, frustration, etc through disordered pacing, gestures that are truncated or jumbled – frantic movements that are inefficient or nonsensical – looking for keys in the fridge for instance.

Emotion can be heard when we speak. How does your character’s voice change with emotion – not just volume (whisper, yell), but in tone, cadence/rhythm, or pitch? In North America, our voices rise in pitch just a smidge to communicate a question or surprise. Ever listened in on one side of a phone call between spouses? I shared very thin office walls with two men in long-standing committed marriages, and I couldn’t hear the words that were spoken through the walls, but I could tell just by the way the tone of their voices deepened, softened, slowed, that they were speaking to their wives.

How does your character’s posture or movements change with their emotions? Even emotions they want to keep hidden affect things that are outwardly observable (a point to keep in mind when your POV character is evaluating how someone else feels). Women (in North America at any rate) often affect a smaller posture when flirting or trying to gain the romantic attentions of someone else. We preen when feeling insecure (straighten tie, suck in gut, smooth out wrinkles or tug on hems, etc.)

Even very slight shifts in stance, shifting of feet or avoiding eye contact can communicate quite a lot.

Application

Will you use this tip? Take one chapter of your manuscript and find a simple beat that stands in for the emotion/telling word you removed or wanted to write. And go deeper using some of these tips for showing emotional reactions. Try to have the emotion felt in the entire body, instead of remaining in the character’s head.

Writing Insecure Characters

September 17, 2021 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 5 Comments

Writing Insecure Characters

Hey Hey!! I reached out to Becca at Writers Helping Writers (where I’ve been guest-posting for several months) to help me out with a guest post in the ongoing series on emotions. Don’t forget to check out the Going Deeper With Emotions In Fiction Facebook group for details about the next 5 week deep pov intensive starting up Oct 4, 2021.

Thanks Becca!! *mittened fist-bump*

When Lisa asked if I’d like to contribute a post to her series on conveying emotions, I couldn’t resist. I mean, this is where Angela Ackerman and I got our start—telling anyone who was interested (and some who weren’t) what we’d learned about the importance of showing a character’s feelings. So let me start there—with a quote from The Emotion Thesaurus about why it’s so important for every author to get this right:

All successful novels, no matter what genre, have one thing in common: emotion. It lies at the core of every character’s decision, action, and word, all of which drive the story. Without emotion, a character’s personal journey is pointless. Stakes cease to exist. The plot line becomes a dry riverbed of meaningless events that no reader will take time to read. Why? Because above all else, readers pick up a book to have an emotional experience.

But they don’t want to be told how a character feels; they want to experience the emotion for themselves. To make this happen, we must ensure that our characters express their feelings in ways that are both recognizable and compelling to read.

How we convey a character’s emotional state is vital to the reader’s experience. They don’t want to be bashed over the head with this information, nor do they appreciate clunky methods that jerk them out of the story. This is where show-don’t-tell comes into play. Show the character’s emotion through their natural responses to it, and readers will figure it out on their own. Use universal responses, and you’ll have the added benefit of readers connecting to the character through a sense of shared experience.

Let me show you what I mean with a universal feeling that should come into play multiple times for your character throughout their story.

woman in a thinking pose with the text: What is emotional context? — https://writershelpingwriters.net/2020/04/what-is-emotional-context-and-why-does-your-story-need-it/

Insecurity: No One’s Favorite Feeling

Personally, I’m not a fan of this emotion. It’s uncomfortable, embarrassing, and makes me feel weak. But I love it for my characters because it inherently builds empathy. Every reader on the planet has experienced insecurity—often at crucial moments—and they know how awful it is. Seeing someone they care about stumbling through it tugs at the reader’s heartstrings and makes them root for that character.

Insecurity is also important because it often plays into the character’s arc. Maybe they want to reach for a goal but don’t feel worthy of attaining it. Or they desperately want esteem and recognition from others but they’re too scared of failure to make the effort. Typically, it’s this very insecurity the character will have to overcome if they want to win in the story, so you definitely want to include it.

If your character is going to struggle with this emotion, it’s important to be able to show it clearly. And the best way to do this is for them to respond to it with one of the following tells.

Overcompensation

Insecurity is never comfortable. Your character would much rather be seen as confident and capable, so when they’re feeling the opposite, they’re going to try and hide it. One way they might do this is through overcompensating.

We often see this with characters who fit the macho stereotype: bullies, jocks, divas, CEOs, world leaders, etc. For popular examples, look at many of Stephen King’s minor villains, who tend to throw their weight around to hide their weaknesses. Harold Lauder (The Stand) is condescending and off-putting, leaning on his intelligence to overcome his physical shortcomings. Percy Wetmore (The Green Mile) disguises his cowardice and inadequacy by becoming a corrections officer, where he can bully the death-row inmates, who are at his mercy.

Risk-Aversion and Avoidance

Other characters will head the opposite direction, going out of their way to avoid the situations that make them feel unsure of themselves. A good example of this is A Few Good Men’s Daniel Kaffee. He’s grown up in the shadow of his successful father and is convinced he could never compare as a trial lawyer, so he plea-bargains all his cases. This allows him to remain a lawyer without ever stepping foot in a courtroom.

Another avoidance response you might see in an insecure character is the decision not to act. A character with this MO will take a backseat in their own life, letting other people make the important decisions. This way, they don’t have to take responsibility or ownership in the situations that make them feel uncomfortable. Underachievers very often respond this way.

Self-Sabotage

The third installment of the Rocky franchise opens with the hero getting completely destroyed by a nobody. This demoralizing defeat, combined with the death of his manager, throws Rocky into a tailspin. When a rematch is declared, he accepts the offer but doesn’t fully commit, allowing himself to be distracted and only go so far in his training. Why? Because he’s convinced he can’t win.

Characters who are afraid of their own insecurities but don’t want to surrender outright may choose to go this route. They might only half-try, or they’ll adopt dysfunctional behaviors that will take them out of the running before they have a chance to fail.

Keeping it Real

It’s important to note that most people aren’t insecure in a general sense; this feeling typically crops up in specific situations. Going back to Daniel Kaffee: you wouldn’t define him as insecure. He’s actually quite confident—personable and charming, lots of friends, an athlete, with a respectable job as a lawyer. It’s only in certain scenarios that his self-doubt comes through.

This is a much more realistic picture of insecurity; it’s situational. Make sure your characters are well-rounded by giving them skills and strengths, areas in which they excel. Then, when they’re facing a challenge that makes them feel small and incapable, the contrast in their response will show readers what’s up.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze?

One last thing to note about this emotion: how your character responds to insecurity will depend on their fight, flight, or freeze response. If they tend toward fighting, they’ll likely become more aggressive, overcompensating for whatever failing (perceived or real) they’re trying to hide. A character who is more likely to flee or freeze will have an avoidance or self-sabotage response as they try to escape the threatening situation. So definitely do your homework in this area, because knowing your character’s natural tendency will give you a good idea of how they’ll respond when insecurity crops up.

How do you use insecurity to help shape, motivate, or create tension for your character?

Did you know Becca and Angela are releasing a new book next month? The Conflict Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Adversaries, Obstacles, and Inner Struggles explores 100+ conflict scenarios that, when added to your story, can build tension and high stakes, challenge characters as they traverse their arcs, and most importantly, keep readers emotionally invested from beginning to end.

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and other resources for writers. Her books have sold over 700,000 copies and are available in multiple languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online resource for authors that’s home to the Character Builder and Storyteller’s Roadmap tools.

Creating unique voices for multiple POV characters – and how to show their emotions

July 29, 2020 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

So excited to have Aiki Flinthart on the blog today. I’m recovering from knee surgery and Aiki generously stepped in for me and is sharing about creating unique characters. Aiki describes every pantser’s nightmare below, *grin* but don’t panic. You would go through all the same steps to pants your way through this, you’d just do it through a first draft and a lot of rewriting.

Be sure to check out Aiki’s book for writers (I’ve already ordered mine):

As authors, we all know that she who makes the reader cry, wins. If a reader connects strongly to your character, then they will react emotionally to the character’s conflicts.

But, for many genres, it’s not the external conflict the reader gets caught up in – it’s the internal conflict; the character’s feelings about what’s happening. That’s where the treasure lies.

So how do we ensure the reader cries when we want them to? Or laughs? Or gets angry?

By creating characters the reader identifies with in some way. Then showing how that character reacts, so the reader can easily imagine themselves in the story.

A Personal Challenge

A couple of years ago I wanted to improve my ability to write unique character voices, in close first person POV, with deep emotional connections for the readers.

Sounds good, huh?

Yep. Except that I like to make things hard for myself and chose to create a mosaic novel – a collection of intertwined short stories that all advance an overarching narrative.

But wait! It gets trickier.

Set in 1486 London, Blackbirds Sing consists of 24 short stories, each from a DIFFERENT woman’s POV. Each story is stand-alone, but also interlinked with the larger narrative (someone trying to kill Henry VII). And various POV characters pop in and out of each other’s stories for continuity.

One of my readers has called it the literary equivalent of a quadruple back somersault.

It certainly wasn’t easy.

And the hardest part was creating so many unique voices, unique backgrounds, and unique emotional reactions to conflicts. Twenty-four different characters that people cared about enough to cry over in just 4500-word short stories! Sheer madness.

Readers Bring Their Own Past Experiences To A Story

When the book came out, I sat back, biting my nails. Would it work?

Then I started getting message from readers. So many said they’d loved this character or that; cried at various points; stayed up all night reading.

You know what was most interesting?

Different readers cried over different characters.

I counted that as a win. It meant readers were bonding deeply with all the characters. They cared when terrible things happened to these women.

Here’s how it worked.

Planning Twenty-Four Unique Characters

To begin with, I ensured the overarching narrative, the novel’s theme, and the internal conflicts/character arcs for every POV character were all closely related. Then I made sure that each short story’s external conflict also revolved around the central, universal theme. (The sacrifices people make to protect their families, lives, livelihoods).

Next, I meticulously created the POV characters – resulting in a very large, complicated spreadsheet. (I’m sure there are better ways of doing that part!)

I started with their birth-personality (use whatever personality profiling system you like) then layered on backstory influences – traumas, culture, family life, physical and mental limitations/issues, mental health, wants, needs, occupation, etc etc.

Then I noted their dialogue and physical tics – the ways of speaking or moving that indicate to a reader which character is talking even if you’re not using dialogue tags. So every character had a unique way of speaking, favourite words they used, way of swearing – all of which reflected their upbringing, personality, and education.

And when they were under the influence of a strong emotion, their dialogue would change – perhaps become faster or choppy when they were angry; halting and hesitant when they were feeling vulnerable; sullen and monosyllabic when hurt; etc.

They also each had a unique stress-tell. A physical action to show the reader the character was upset or worried. Perhaps rubbing at their skirt, fiddling with hair, or twisting rosary beads etc.

Additionally, I worked out how they filtered the world – what they noticed around them. That’s usually based on either their occupation and hobbies/interests, or on their emotional state/priorities. A pessimistic work-a-holic girl who’s frightened and walking the streets alone at night will notice different things than a scatterbrained optimistic girl who’s partying on with a group of friends as she strolls home. The frightened girl will jump at noises and shadows that the party girl won’t even notice.

The spreadsheet noted each one of these traits for each of the 24 POV characters, so I could keep their reactions consistent.

Lastly, came 24 internet images – one for each woman – based on physical appearance and personality. If the character was 40-year-old dark haired woman with a happy-go-lucky optimist personality, I’d google ‘happy middle aged woman with dark hair’ until I found an image that suited. It helped to remind me of how she would most likely react to conflict, and how to describe her facial and body movements to reflect her emotions.

All of these things, when added in as little details to each scene, help immerse a reader into the character’s feelings without ever having to say, “Sarah felt frightened.”

Of course, not all characters need that level of creation information. But even listing personality, dialogue tics, and physical tics for a minion will help the reader to understand what each character is feeling, and to distinguish between various characters. Which, in turn, helps them connect with the one they love best.

Show Your Character’s Priorities – Don’t Get Distracted

Spend time creating a fully-fleshed human for your POV characters before you launch into writing the entire novel. Whether you use a spreadsheet or do some freewriting from that character’s POV, it doesn’t matter.

Just learn how each character thinks, reacts, swears, talks, moves etc. Then use that information to show the reader how the character feels about the conflict.

One more crucial thing: leave out the distractions – the details that don’t show us what’s important to the POV character.

Keep only what will make your reader understand or care more deeply about your POV character/s. Keep only what makes each character – each person – unique and fascinating. Keep only what will make us smile, or laugh, gasp, or cry.

What’s your process for creating unique character voices in a multiple POV story?

About Aiki:

Aiki Flinthart has 14 published speculative fiction novels, two collections of short fiction, two non-fiction author craft books, several short stories in anthologies and e-mags, a romance novel, and has edited several short story anthologies. She has been three times shortlisted in the Australian Aurealis Awards for Speculative Fiction, and a top-8 finalist in the USA Writers of the Future Competition. When not writing or running her business, she teaches workshops to authors, trains in martial arts, knife-throwing, archery, and lute-playing. Every once in a while she even sleeps. Find Aiki on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

www.aikiflinthart.com

8 Ways Voice Can Show Emotional Depth

July 6, 2020 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

How we say things communicates as much or more than what our words say. Deep point of view takes show-don’t-tell to new extremes, and I’ve found it helpful to pause and take things in from new angles and perspectives because there are a great many things we overlook or take for granted.

When we communicate in real life, we use quite a lot of non-verbal cues to convey emotion. We parse the meaning in speech from body language (gestures, expressions, etc.), from content, and voice.

Tone of voice is incredibly powerful and often overlooked in fiction. We’re tempted to shortcut things – he exclaimed, she whispered, she said anxiously. Sometimes our voices change unconsciously, but the change can be heard, and sometimes it’s intentional. When intentional, we can affect our voice to convey emotion or attempt to invoke it in another person.

Ever seen a young girl try and wheedle something from her father? This lilting, half-pleading, higher pitched voice is affected. “Daddy… Can I have…”

Think about the phrase “get out.” Said with a loud assertive voice – Get Out! You know the speaker wants those with them to leave. Get out said in a playful light tone might indicate surprise or incredulity.

How a voice sounds is about more than volume, but also consider speed, pauses, cadence, pitch, etc. Punctuation can also play a role in this by hinting at pauses, words trailing off, etc.

Try listening to this clip – just listen. Can you pick out the voice changes? The emotion in the both Ethan Hawke’s and Robin Williams’ voices?

Let’s have a deeper look at some aspects you can play with when adding voice details. Remember, you can mix and match these. Surprise readers with emotions they don’t see coming but that also give a greater depth to your characters.

Shaky Voice – This can affect both the pitch and volume. It can tattle on nervousness, overstimulation, exhaustion. It could also be described as a tremble where it might show being cold or afraid. There’s a rhythmic wobble to the voice, and it can affect the neck, jaw, tongue and face as well.

Change in Pitch – There are lots of emotions that might cause us to change the pitch of our voice. When there’s romantic interest, our pitch can change dramatically to show interest, deference, or vulnerability. A sudden higher pitch can signal nervousness or anxiety. Suddenly lowering the pitch can indicate vulnerability, a desire to hide.

Her lithe body pressed against his chest, her every curve flattened against his torso.

“Everything OK?” His voice cracked on the last word.

Can you guess at what this character ↑ is feeling? Just tone of voice.

Cadence – It’s when you choose to go louder or softer, faster or slower, etc. Monotone voices can show boredom, nervousness, lack of enthusiasm. Choosing to use a rising inflection at the end of every phrase, whether it’s actually a question, or not — is pretty annoying.

Volume – We get really quiet for a variety of reasons including feeling vulnerable or overwhelmed, nervous, anxious, tired, fearful, etc. We similarly get loud for good reason too, sometimes just to be heard over another noise, to clarify ourselves, frustration, nervous, angry, etc. Ever expected someone to be really mad at you and instead they go quiet? That’s super unnerving isn’t it. This is often paired with cadence, we get quiet and our speech speeds up, or our voice gets low and very quiet, etc.

Watch this clip from The Fresh Prince. Soooo many raw emotions. So many small signals of one emotion blending into another. Powerful!

Dry Throat/Loss of Voice/Hoarse Voice – These can be symptoms for a variety of things from innocuous allergies to very serious illnesses. However, when used to convey emotion, having a suddenly dry throat or hoarse voice conveys nervousness, anxiety, panic, fear, stress, etc. A common cause for a dry throat is constant swallowing from being anxious or nervous. Those characters who carry tension in the throat or jaw may struggle with this.

Articulation – How well a person can express themselves, or they express themselves differently can show lots of emotion. We typically skip over or omit in fiction the ums and ahs, however, those stumbles can show nervousness, anxiety, fear, vulnerability, excitement, surprise, overwhelmed, etc. Showing someone search for a word, or go around in circles trying to say something that’s simple – it all shows emotion.

Effective use of pauses, incorrect words, forget words, backtrack and reword things repeatedly, can show emotion. Combine this with a higher or lower pitch, with a sped up or slowed down speech, or even volume – have the voice get progressively quieter or louder. Mix and match these things for greater effect.

Stuttering/Mumbling – We stumble and mumble when we’re nervous, tired, apprehensive, afraid, etc. There’s a number of emotions this could show. We can trip over our words unsure of how exactly to express ourselves or become hyper aware of body language and self-correct endlessly when we sense our words are having a negative or undesired affect.

Listen to how Matt Damon’s voice gets lower, quieter, when he talks about the wrench and why he chose the wrench. Can you hear the vulnerability there? Hear the contrast in the lighter, almost playful-dismissive tone Damon uses juxtaposed against Williams’ even, radio-FM DJ voice. It carries conviction without being confrontational. Just listen to the changes in Damon’s voice near the end when it’s repeated – it’s not your fault. He goes from joking, defiant, angry, and then vulnerable and it’s all through his voice.

Intensity – You can use an assertive tone, a playful tone, an authoritative tone, a declarative tone. I follow two actors on social media who both like to post inspirational/motivational videos. One punctuates his speech with various noises, laughs, varied cadence, and comical expressions to get his point across. Always on point and way deeper than you expect. The other actor taps into an intensity that includes being loud, that includes faster speech, lots of cadence, and is punctuated by sharp movements and clipped words. You can show passion, excitement, frustration, redemptive anger, stress, sadness, joy, fear — all kinds of things by varying the intensity.

An Exercise

Next time you’re in a group or public place, listen for the changes in voices that signal emotions. Or do the same with a movie or TV scene. How does their voice change? How does the pitch, cadence, tone, tempo, articulation, etc. change to affect meaning in the speaker or those they’re speaking to.

Do you incorporate a character’s voice into your story to add emotional depth?