writing emotions Archives - Lisa Hall-Wilson

Advice From Jack Sparrow On Building Emotional Connections With Readers

March 6, 2019 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

Captain Jack Sparrow, love him or hate him, most people FEEL something for the irrascible pirate. What can Jack Sparrow teach us about creating emotional connections with readers? Lots. Savvy?

There are many posts out there on the interwebz for writers looking for advice on how to create emotional connections with readers, but let’s look at a character many many people love but may not be able to put a finger on why.

Jack Sparrow Is Relateable

When creating a character you want readers to connect with, give them traits that your reader might share. It’s hard to put yourself into a story, into someone’s shoes if you can’t see yourself in any of their character traits or decisions.

Jack is selfish and deceptive and he appears morally bankrupt, so why do we love him? He literally stumbles through life. But we love Jack because we have a lot of things in common with him. No, really – we do.

He prefers to talk his way out of trouble instead of using brute force, even though he has the sword skills to do great injury. He’s intelligent and witty and uses those strengths to his advantage. Jack is immeasurably creative.

“Did everyone see that? Because I will not be doing that again.”
Jack Sparrow

Jack is OK with ambiguity. Today’s enemy could be tomorrow’s ally. He’ll steal your rum one day and shake your hand the next. Jack’s morality tends to be situational, but isn’t that also true of our own society where little white lies, no harm no foul, and other such sayings are held as truth. A person might never steal a chocolate bar or clothing from a retail store, but they’ll pirate movies or music or ebooks without thought. The character who always chooses the moral right, who’s never dishonest or corruptible in any way, is hard to relate to.

Jack’s An Ethical Pirate

Your character needs to stand for something. They have to draw a line in the sand — this far and no farther. That line will look different for every character and that line doesn’t have to be one that readers necessarily would choose for themselves, but it’s one they can cheer for. Readers connect emotionally with characters who have a code of ethics they won’t violate–an ethic the reader can cheer for.

Jack is a complicated character and whether he’s good or bad is often up for interpretation. Certainly, he’s no moral paragon, but unlike many other pirates Jack does his best to uphold the Pirate’s code. Jack isn’t a pacifist, but he often steps in and tries to de-escalate an impending conflict (often for self-interested reasons) by suggesting a negotiation. When he does draw his sword, it’s in self-defence.

“Why fight when you can negotiate?”
Jack Sparrow

Let’s not forget that the reason Jack was branded a pirate was because instead of delivering a shipment of slaves, he set them free. Jack, in the end, often chooses the morally right thing to do at his own personal sacrifice, even if he’s doing it for selfish reasons. He rescued his friends from the Kraaken (and the Pearl), he walked away from the fountain of youth, and he helped break the curse of the The Flying Dutchman to free Will Turner.

“Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.”
Jack Sparrow

Jack Is Always The Underdog

Readers love to cheer on the come-from-behind-kid, the one who succeeds against all odds, the David in a David-and-Goliath story, the nerd fighting against the schoolyard bully. When a character faces overwhelming odds, when they choose to step into a hard thing when they could walk away, readers get behind that. They want the character to win. But let me clear, the odds need to be overwhelming and preferably the stakes are life and death. I don’t mean only literal life and death stakes, but identity-ending, career-suicide, life-is-no-longer-worth-living kind of stakes.

In every movie, Jack has a goal–there’s something he wants. His motivations aren’t always obvious or clear, sometimes even to himself, but he presses on even though the odds of him succeeding are fairly remote (hello – finding the fountain of youth??).

“I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you want to watch out for because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly…stupid.”
Jack Sparrow

Jack Teaches Us Things

Readers want entertainment AND they want an emotional journey. They want to immerse themselves in a fictive dream and become a character, live vicariously through them, for a short period of time. Fiction helps challenge people’s thinking and offers new perspectives and paths for readers in a non-threatening way. It’s OK if you only want to entertain with your writing, but it’s OK if you want to use if for more than entertainment too.

“If you choose to lock your heart away, you’ll lose it for certain.”
Jack Sparrow

Jack is a character a lot of people wish they could be more like (in certain ways). Jack is comfortable in his own skin, in the expression of his personality, and doesn’t care too much what other people think of him. He doesn’t take offense easily and doesn’t hold a grudge. He lives in the moment

Jack very much lives in the moment. He doesn’t concern himself with a five year plan or even where he’ll sleep that night. Jack embodies freedom. “Wherever we want to go, we’ll go. That’s what a ship is, you know. It’s not just a keel and hull and deck and sails–that’s what a ship needs. But what a ship is–what the Black Pearl really is–is freedom.” Jack has simple wants: to be a pirate and to be captain of the Black Pearl. Most of us, in some way, long for that kind of free-spirited freedom, ability to laugh at ourselves, own our eccentricities and quirks, and care less what people think of us.

Jack Surprises Us

Writing that has readers leaning in, afraid to put the book down because they have to know what happens next — that’s the goal, right? That’s my goal. The surprises have to be true to the character and the storyworld, often the surprise causes the main character even more trouble, but we cheer them on even harder.

Jack constantly surprises us. He’s funny. His wit and charm are disarming and the way he plays with the truth makes you feel like you’re inner circle sharing an inside joke. His antics, his flailings, his reliance on rum, it all adds up to entertainment and surprise. A joke isn’t funny if you already know the punchline, right. Sometimes his wit is full of great truth. Sometimes you have to repeat to yourself what he’s just said, and then it hits you — ooooh, that’s deep.

“You’ve stolen me and I’m here to take myself back.”
Jack Sparrow

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Understand me?”
Jack Sparrow

What do you love about Jack Sparrow? In what ways did you (or did you not) connect emotionally with Jack?

Method Acting For Writers: Learn Deep Point Of View Using Emotional Layers – available on all major retailers.

Create Emotional Connections With Readers Using Deep Point Of View

December 7, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 1 Comment

There are still many many fans of writers like Tolkien, Austen, and Dickens, but contemporary readers (particularly genre fiction readers) are looking for more than entertainment from a book — they want an emotional experience!

“By some curious chance one morning long ago in the quiet of the world, when there was less noise and more green, and the hobbits were still numerous and prosperous, and Bilbo Baggins was standing at his door after breakfast smoking an enormous long pipe that reached nearly down to his wooly toes (neatly brushed) — Gandalf came by. Gandalf! If you had heard only a quarter of what I have heard about him, and I have only heard very little of all there is to hear, you would be prepared for any sort of remarkable tale.” J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

First published in 1937, The Hobbit was a stellar example of storytelling for the time. The narrator voice is prevalent and the whole work is written in the omniscient POV (both of which were common at the time).

In the early 2000’s, (perhaps earlier) readers began craving work that let them feel closer and more involved in the story and so close third person POV evolved. Strike is the POV character below.

“When informed by telephone that her husband was not, after all, at the writer’s retreat, Leonora Quine sounded anxious.

‘Where is he, then?’ she asked, more of herself, it seemed, than Strike.”

Robert Galbraith (aka J.K. Rowling), The Silkworm

You can see with this closer third person style, the reader was drawn much closer into the story. The Silkworm was published in 2014 – hardly vintage. Still, readers want to be in the action of the story, they want an emotional journey — they want to be the main character.

How Does Deep Point of View Look/Feel Different?

“Chris pulled the phone away from his head and stared at it. The chill on his neck crept down his back. This guy couldn’t be for real. What he was saying about the dreams had to be a coincidence.

“He started down the sidewalk. He needed to get out of here, needed to find his dad, needed to figure out how to stop chasing his tail through life.” K.M. Weiland, Dreamlander

In this last example, the reader isn’t being “told” what’s going on, rather through what the main character sees, hears, knows, thinks, and feels, the reader must infer how the character feels to understand what’s going on. Readers have to care. They must engage and take the journey in the main character’s shoes.

Deep Point Of View Doesn’t Write For The Reader

In other less intimate POVs, the writer can insert information through a character’s internal dialogue, through dialogue tags (ie. he whispered, he wrung his hands anxiously), but in deep point of view everything is written as though the character is alone in their own heads. Beats are used instead of dialogue tags. Instead of writing a story, you’re recording a character’s journey as it happens.

No one else is privvy to the point of view character’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The reader and the writer are the main character, they’re not looking over their shoulder.

Using Deep Point of View Selectively

Not every writer who uses deep point of view uses it for their entire story. Some writers will use some aspects of deep point of view for just certain characters, or just certain scenes, to create intensity and intimacy for readers. It is possible to write an entire story in deep point of view, of course it is, but many writers come up with their own brand of deep point of view. They may continue to use italics for emphasis and dialogue tags for instance.

It’s important, as in anything else, to learn the rules first before breaking them. Strictly adhereing to the rules of deep point of view might be too restricting for you or the story you’re telling. Maybe you like the challenge and intensity and never waver from deep point of view.

In a shallower POV style (such as the Robert Galbraith example), deep POV is effective when used for selective scenes to deliver an emotional gut punch for reachers. For books written entirely in deep POV such as the K.M. Weiland example, using a shallower POV style in certain moments and situations will help keep the story moving and not get bogged down in the minutae of the everyday.

Deep Point Of View Isn’t Limited To First Person Or Third

Deep point of view is effective in either first person or third person styles. A story written in first person isn’t deep pov by default — there are many ways writers add distance between the main character and the reader even in first person stories. Deep POV is very popular among first person story writers, but there are many third person writers using deep POV as well.

Deep POV isn’t limited to a present or past tense style either. It can be used effectively either way. You can use deep point of view for every POV character in your story, or just one. You can write in past tense and use present tense for all the internal dialogue in deep point of view. It’s very flexible, the challenge will be to use it consistently (in whatever way you’re using it) in order to prevent jerking the reader out of the story experience.

Avoid Adding Distance Between Readers And Protagonists

The key to effective deep point of view is removing any hint that the reader isn’t IN the story AS IT’S HAPPENING, or that they aren’t the main character in any given scene. Writers build in distance in all kinds of ways that’s acceptable in other POV styles but not in deep point of view. Setting and description are used to do more than tell the reader where the main character is or what’s around them. Instead, in deep point of view the main character must feel their way through the setting.

Do you enjoy reading deep point of view? Do you feel it’s better suited to some genres more than others?

How To Write Fear Authentically Even If You Don’t Write Thrillers

October 31, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

Want to scare your readers? SHOW them what your character is afraid of!

Your story needs life or death stakes (and not necessarily the murderous, knife-wielding, gravestone kind of life or death stakes). Fear and the body language of fear, should be topics every novelist strives to know better.

Fear can range from mild to paralyzing, but fear caused by a real, immediate threat is rarely paralyzing. Our bodies and minds instinctually engage in a race for survival. Usually the fears that can leave us paralyzed are imagined (what ifs).

Fun Fact 1: Chronic stress is in fact a low-intensity fear response to worry, daily insecurity, anxiety, etc.

4 Components Of Fear

Fear can be partly instinct, partly learned, partly taught, partly imagined. Imagined fears also come with stakes. Public speaking a common imagined fear, but what’s really at stake is reputation, identity, self-worth, etc.

Pain causes instinctive fear – survival instinct.
Falling is an instinctive fear present even in newborns.
Past experiences can create learned fears – a young child will learn to fear bunk beds if they had a friend fall out of one and seriously injure themselves.
Social context can teach fear of a particular person (avoid your uncle – don’t ever be alone with him) or various forms of racism.

Know What Your Character Is Afraid Of!

“Wendy? Darling? Light, of my life. I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just going to bash your brains in.”

Stephen King, The Shining

Always know WHY your character is afraid — what the stakes are. What unique blend of the five kinds of fear listed above is your character reacting to? What have they risked, put on the line, stuck their necks out for? What’s their worst case scenario? By answering the why and the what (why they’re afraid and what they risk losing), and layering in emotions well, you SHOW readers what your character is afraid of and now the reader can be afraid with them!

Remember, deep point of view puts the reader IN THE STORY with your character. It’s intimate, personal, visceral and immediate. Learn more about layering emotions here.

A character’s body language, tone of voice, internal dialogue, gestures, expressions, ticks – these are all the pieces of evidence you need to show fear to readers. Above all – tell the truth. Fiction is truth inside a lie, as Stephen King says.

Don’t just go through the motions on this. Really dig deep for these answers because showing the WHY and making the stakes clear is how you show the emotion. In deep point of view, we avoid naming emotions so you’ll have to show your reader the excitement or fear through body language, physiology, internal dialogue and spoken dialogue.

The Role Of Intuition

Humans have this wonderful gift of intuition. The problem is we don’t listen to it often enough. We perceive a threat (could have been body language, past experience, a friend’s experience, an article we read a year ago) but we discount that perception in favor of what we can see.

When you take that admitted predisposition and place a character in a situation that feels threatening but the feeling is ignored because they can’t see anything threatening — you ramp up the fear element for readers.

Gavin De Becker in his book The Gift of Fear talks about a woman waiting for an elevator. The doors open and inside is a young man in a suit who leers at her and bobs his eyebrows suggestively. Given the statistics about violence against women, her own past experiences and those of her friends, the isolated location, etc. she’s not crazy for perceiving this man as a possible threat. But rather than obey her intuition and wait for the next elevator, she’ll get into the sound-proof steel box because he looks OK.

“It is understandable that the perspectives of men and women on safety are so different – men and women live in different worlds…most men fear getting laughed at or humiliated by a romantic prospect while women fear rape and death.”
Gavin De Becker, The Gift Of Fear

Fun Fact 2: We allow ourselves to disregard our intuition if we can’t explain it logically. He doesn’t look like a rapist. She doesn’t look like a scam-artist.

A Fear Case Study

Your POVC is a teen girl who’s lost her phone at a bonfire social in the country and just realizes that her friends have all left without her. She has no way to get home. Ask her why she’s afraid.

Because I don’t have a car and there are no taxi’s, uber, or public transit out here. It’s too far to walk. OK – but why are you so afraid? You’re sweating and it’s not even hot out.

Because I have to ask someone to take me home and I don’t really know anyone here. Dig deeper. Why is that scary? These people aren’t really strangers, you went to school with them — you know where they live, their parents, whether they played hockey or soccer.

Some of them have been drinking–a lot. Fair enough. But not everyone is drinking. A few of them chose to be designated drivers.

But the only car with room is Darren’s. He’s not safe. What makes him unsafe? He isn’t drinking. Is he reckless? A criminal? Has he done something to you or someone you know?

She shakes her head. What makes him unsafe?

She lifts a shoulder. He’s on the hockey team. He’s loud. He’s really big. He’s been looking at me all night. I can’t predict how he’s going to act or behave. Why is that important?

Because last time I ignored those warnings and something bad happened. Because if I can control everything, then I won’t be hurt again. You’re shaking. Are you OK? She shakes her head. I’m all alone. Here, use my phone. Call your Dad.

Fun Fact 3: Fear and excitement create the exact same physiological response. This means that our bodies react internally to fear and excitement the same way. The difference between how our bodies respond to fear or excitement is how we mentally/emotionally interpret what we’re experiencing. WHAT?!

Now we have a better why. Now there’s more at stake for this character than having to walk home or ask a schoolmate to drive her home. Now the reader gas skin in the game. They care (hopefully) and are wondering what’s happened to this poor girl. It’s not just being shy, or timid, or that she’ll be teased. Her whole body is reacting to a fear. She’s learned from the past and can’t see a way out of it happening again.

How do we show this girl’s fear? She’s sweating. She’s shaking. She doesn’t say much, she shakes her head a lot. This happens when the logical/analytical side of our braing shuts down and the part of our brain responsible for survival takes over. She can’t think her way out of this–she’ll walk home before she gets in a car with that guy. She’s not paralyzed, but she’s not thinking rationally either. PTSD is one condition that causes this type of reaction.

She can perhaps feel her face heating up. She feels her hands trembling. She’ll be hyper-vigilant of who is near her, of any possible threats (loud noises/voices, who’s been drinking, who is most likely to do something unexpected/threatining). She may start crying and not even realize it. She’ll protect her vulnerable bits: slouch to protect her neck, round her shoulders, cross her arms over her chest, maybe cross her legs.

“…there has to be an element of genuine loss connected to that fear—be it loss of life, limb, sanity, or loved one…”
Gary A. Braunbeck, To Each Their Darkness

Fear Amplified

Once fear is already present, it’s very easy to amplify so that even harmless events seem scary. You can prime your character to feel fear. The abusive man who comes home already angry, slamming doors, kicking toys out of his way, swearing – his family is now primed for fear. They’ll be on edge when he sits down at the table, hyper-vigilant to a threat, they’ll avoid meeting his gaze or contradicting him, and their posture will minimize their size (work to appear small). The father leans over to cut his four-year-old son’s meat, the knife scraping the plate. The child breaks out in tears and this angers the father even more – he didn’t DO anything to make the boy cry.

The Body Language Of Fear

Wide eyes, raised eyebrows, furrowed brows, flared nostrils, avoid eye contact, looking at floor or hands, slouching, hunched, crossed arms, feet angled away, busy hands, shaking or tapping legs or feet, rocking back and forth, rapid breathing, speaking very quickly or not at all, hyper-awareness, weakness, pent-up energy, inability to sleep, sweaty palms, profuse sweating, hugging oneself, covering vulnerable bits like neck, crotch and heart, racing heart…

Make sure you check out my book Method Acting for Writers: Learn Deep Point Of View Using Emotional Layering.

How To Write About PTSD In Deep Point Of View

October 23, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 12 Comments

We’re always looking to create dynamic characters who are faced with insurmountable (and often life-threatening) obstacles. Characters who are at war with themselves in addition to any external conflict just makes good fiction, and one popular or common internal conflict writers use is post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

The problem is writers research symptoms and run with it. There’s so much more to PTSD than flashbacks that can add emotional layers, depth, and connection for readers.

Why Write About PTSD?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has been called shell shock and historically was lumped in with ‘hysteria’ for women. You can research this mental illness, the causes, and the symptoms, (here’s a great link), but I’m more interested in helping you write it with accuracy.

Giving characters a traumatic past and an ongoing condition that hinders their ability to move on is great for character arc if you can pull it off. Otherwise it can come off sounding trite. The character struggling with PTSD is facing overwhelming odds, and any character who stands up to a bully of any kind (even when it’s a mental illness) is someone readers will cheer for.

Recalling Traumatic Events

It’s true that flashbacks can happen with PTSD. What’s really happening with PTSD is that your mind is stuck and forces your body to relive a traumatic event as though it’s happening in real time. So whether the PTSD was caused in a combat situation, a hospital room, or a dark bedroom – your mind convinces your body that you’re right back there again.

Only the most severe cases have flashbacks though. What might be fun to play with is the person discovering their PTSD. They don’t know what’s going on with their bodies, and unless they learn to be very self-reflective won’t be able to figure out what’s wrong.

Who consciously relives traumatic events on purpose? Nobody. But I see this all the time in fiction — as though that’s the only way PTSD manifests. More likely, those memories are shoved to the very back of the mind and actively avoided, and numbed when avoidance isn’t possible. Instead, show the coping mechanisms used to control the symptoms or turn their mind off (escapism, fantasy, porn, drugs, alcohol). Show symptoms of anxiety (sweating, twitchy/jumpy, checking exits, feeling of being trapped – needing to get out/escape) and then send them for another lap around the block even though they’ve already done five more than usual.

The emotions and physical symptoms left by the trauma are so uncomfortable your character will proactively seek a way to get control, but they will avoid thinking about the why. Try showing the emotions and discomfort and leave the memories to be discovered like a bread crumb trail in the woods.

Show The War Going On Inside Your Character

When PTSD is triggered, an adrenaline rush hits with something close to the force the traumatic event caused. The unconscious mind is triggered and it alerts the body to imminent danger — except your conscious mind is aware there’s no danger at all — so you’re at war with yourself quite literally. It will seem to come out of nowhere or can build up slowly to a crashing crescendo.

While part of your mind is hitting the red alert button, the other part of your mind is consciously grappling with your body’s response to the perceived threat and regain control of the physical response. How would this look to an observer? The response will trigger the survival instinct of: fight, flight, or freeze. Will they come out angry, shouting, defensive? Will they try to escape, come up with crazy nonsensical excuses to leave or simply not come after they’ve promised to? Will they stay where they are because running or fighting isn’t going to help them survive – subterfuge, avoidance and compliance will? Will they stay at the party even though they look like they’re being tortured every second of it?

What Does PTSD Look Like?

The physical symptoms are easy to show; just write what’s happening to their bodies. Let internal dialogue focus on their awareness of being irrational, that there’s no threat, yet they’re unable to feel safe. They’ll struggle to control, to conceal, to minimize what others can see. Get it? I’m a BIG fan of Deep POV so I focus on showing the primary emotions through physiology and internal dialogue and showing secondary emotions through outward actions and spoken dialogue.

The Netflix series Jessica Jones is about a woman who struggles with PTSD but won’t admit it. She chooses to numb her emotions with alcohol, anger, and by pushing everyone away. She’s hard to like. But we can cheer for her because every episode she manages to put that aside long enough to help someone who can’t help themselves — she puts herself in danger even though she doesn’t want to because she knows she’s the only one who can help. But the PTSD and addiction is like an anchor everywhere she goes.

PTSD Is About Minimizing Triggers

Those managing PTSD will have a proactive (but not necessarily healthy) strategy to manage symptoms. Some methods might be subtle while others are extreme. Know what your character’s primal goal is when they’re triggered. Is it safety? Is it survival? Is it escaping? Have them seek that out at all costs.

They could have a mantra they recite to control their thoughts. They might have a safe person, someone they trust to watch their backs in new or upsetting situations. Grounding techniques involve consciously cataloguing why the what-ifs won’t happen (There are two exits, It’s a public space, etc.). The slow removal of their dependence on these management techniques is a great way to show growth.

Those who know what their triggers are will actively avoid situations that might set them off. This is a potential for conflict – force them into a situation where they’re uncomfortable, where they feel threatened or unsafe. Put them in new situations. I wasn’t aware that exercise fatigue mimicked my PTSD symptoms, so I was triggered by a jerk at the gym and couldn’t feel it coming on because I was in the middle of a workout. The times when you’re triggered without warning are the worst. Being blindsided by it sets you back days, weeks, even months.

Give Them A Tell

Self-awareness is critical, it’s a hyperawareness often because if you can see it coming or starting you can get off the crazy train before it really gets going. Your unconscious mind will get the ball rolling after a trigger: I’m not safe. I’m not safe. You have to be aware of that mental shift and think your way out of it but more often what tips you off is physical symptoms.

I have a couple of tells that always tip me off: blushing and sweating—profuse sweating disproportionate to the environment. Does your character have a physical symptom they’ve trained themselves to watch for? Are they suddenly jumpy or have an intense urge to leave no matter what?

They’ll want to hide what’s going on because it makes others uncomfortable (people stare, they avoid the character, or treat them differently). Show the character’s awareness of the stigma, and let them fail from time to time.

Blindside Your Character

You can be blindsided by a trigger at any point. A situation that’s been fine a thousand other times can trigger you that one day. This is a great device to save for a pivotal conflict.

It’s like a two-by-four to the head. Show their emotional wounds bleeding all over the floor and have them keep going anyway. Show them growing stronger, trusting people again against their instincts, forgiving themselves because they couldn’t get a hold of themselves again, etc. Let the whole process be messy, two steps forward and one step back. The stories that end in a pretty bow and leave everyone “cured” simply aren’t authentic.

Have a question you’d like to ask about writing PTSD in fiction with realism? What’s the most compelling portrayal of PTSD in fiction you’ve seen so far?

How To Use Beats To Keep Long Dialogue Passages Interesting Even If There’s No Action

October 10, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

There are times in a manuscript where your characters engage in a longer dialogue exchange. Ideally, those dialogue passages are where important information is revealed for readers. In deep point of view, we want to avoid using dialogue tags (he said, she said) but additionally we don’t want readers to lose track of who’s talking, where the characters are (setting: time and place), or how the POVC (point of view character) feels as the dialogue is happening.

How do you keep long dialogue passages interesting even if there’s no action?

Tags vs Beats vs Stage Directions

We want to avoid dialogue tags in deep point of view and instead use beats (bits of action) to attribute speech. More advanced writers will look to up their game from simply using stage directions to using meaningful beats that move the story forward.

Even the best dialogue can fall flat without effective beats weaving in character thoughts, feelings and/or backstory. Beats can:

help vary the pace
keep the characters alive in our readers’ minds – prevents longer dialogue passages from becoming just talking heads to our readers
attributes dialogue
and identifies the POVC in any scene.

Body Language And Beats

Good beats let the reader in on how the POVC feels about the conversation through body language. Is the character fidgeting while talking, picking at their nails, avoiding eye contact, bouncing their knee, scribbling or doodling instead of taking notes, or plucking at a loose thread? What are they doing with their body that would reveal how they feel or what they’re really thinking? What can the POVC observe and assume about the people they’re talking to?

If they’re not face-to-face with the person they’re talking to, what are they doing that the other person can’t see?

Tone of voice is one element that’s often under-used in these situations. Does their voice get softer or quieter (not the same thing), louder, do they emphasize a certain word or phrase, mumble, begin to talk faster, do they make any noises that would signal delight or frustration?

Whatever emotion they’re feeling as the dialogue progresses, what are they feeling and how does that emotion affect their voice? Someone who’s increasingly upset will grow more tense, rigid, clench their stomach or their jaw — how does that change their voice? If you can really dial into that emotion and how it affects their voice or posture, you can show the reader how your character feels without having to resort to telling.

Utilizing Beats Of Other Characters

I looked at one mss for a student whose POVC was stuck in a bed–they couldn’t move. If your POVC isn’t moving or able to move while talking, is anyone else in the room talking or moving? Can you include some internal dialogue about the movements being distracting, loud, whatever? These don’t have to be long interruptions or pauses in the dialogue.

What other ambient noises could be noticed? Other patrons in a coffee shop? The clink of dishes being cleared from a table? The garbage being emptied? If your POVC isn’t distracted by these noises, could the person they’re talking to turn to notice?

“What are you talking about? I never said that.” Shawn shook his head and looked out the window instead of facing her.

“You did so.” Sherry leaned back for the server to set down their plates of spaghetti. “Now you’re mad I changed my plans because I took you at your word?”

He snorted and pushed his plate away.

“So now I’m selfish for wanting to visit my mom?”

“You’re being irrational.”

“Irrational?” The people in the booth behind Sherry got up from their table and left. “You want to see irrational?” Her voice grew sharp and shrill. “I can do irrational.”

Do you see how in this small bit of dialogue, the beats move the story ahead as much as the actual dialogue? Make every beat count. Don’t just add random action for the sake of attributing dialogue, make your beats work harder than that.

Internal Dialogue As Beats

This is always a great way to attribute dialogue, but be careful inserting thoughts where fast-paced dialogue is supposed to happen. Having “thoughty” characters in a tense action-dialogue scene can undermine the tension. Be strategic.

Someone who’s under intense emotional stress might not be able to filter their thoughts, what they think will come out their mouths. In a situation where a character needs to make quick decisions, having them pause to consider their options without consequence will belie whatever tension you’re trying to create. The internal dialogue must not slow down the pace of the scene. Quick one-word thoughts might be all that’s needed – Run!

Avoid Stage Directions

When choosing beats, try to see the scene from the POVC’s point of view. Don’t just have the character move so the reader knows who’s talking. A beat can be a physical action or gesture or it could be a snippet of internal dialogue. Here’s a snippet where stage directions are used instead of meaningful beats.

“Welcome to Found. Can I show you something?”

The man turned and shrugged. “I had to see it one last time before it goes to a new home.”

Catherne’s mouth hung open a moment. “Mr. Silas?”

“It’s just Silas.” He waved his glass at the room. “I love your gallery. You should advertise more.”

Catherine stared. He had the most beautiful green eyes. She cleared her throat. “My source said your collection was in Europe.” Her source had also told her the painting had been an impulse buy and was kept in storage.

He shrugged. “When I discovered the broker was in Boston, I had to come and visit.”

Catherine smiled. “Let me show you around.”

Let’s look at how I updated that snippet to remove the stage directions and use more meaningful beats.

His dark curls, more of a messed-on-purpose coif, framed his face like a broken halo. She’d bet good money he’d never thrown a hay-bale in his life. “Welcome to Found. Can I show you something?” His suit fit like it was tailored and it framed his physique well.

He nodded at the painting next to him. “I had to see it one last time before it went to a new home.”

Her brows shot up. “Mr. Silas?”

“It’s just Silas.” He waved his glass at the room as though dismissing her formality. “I love your gallery. You should advertise more.”

He had the most beautiful green eyes. Focus Cat! She cleared her throat. “My source said your collection was in Europe.”

“It was an impulse buy. It’s just been sitting in a warehouse, so I thought it was time to stop hoarding my collection and let others enjoy it too.” He lifted a shoulder and winked. “When I discovered the broker and buyer were in Boston, I had to come and visit.”

Heat crept into her cheeks. Was he flirting? “Let me show you around.”

Do you see any difference in terms of understanding how Catherine feels and interprets what’s going on? Now you’re not just observing the scene taking place, like someone in a movie theatre, but (hopefully) you feel like you’re more in the action. You’re seeing the story through her eyes.

Every Beat Should Move The Story Forward

What would distract the POVC or catch their eye/ear? Why does it catch their attention and what can that show readers about how they’re feeling? Are they anxious? What sorts of things would an anxious person notice or take stock of: where are the exits, who’s looming, who looks like they might be out of control, etc.

Are they afraid of being overheard? What would they do/notice to ensure privacy?

Conversely, what would someone whose heart is breaking overlook or fail to notice? Would they be easily distracted or have laser focus on whatever is destroying their world in that moment? Don’t undermine the tension and emotion in the moment to tell the reader what’s going on, because you can always have another character point out what the POVC isn’t noticing. Lower your voice! People are staring. The POVC themselves may be aware of other things going on, but pushes that awareness to the side.

Gah! I’m out of space. Listen, I’m doing a free 5 Day Deep Point Of View Challenge on Facebook staring October 22. It’ll be in a closed Facebook group. You can sign up for the waiting list here so you don’t miss out when I have all the details put together.

Do you notice an improvement when you aim for beats over stage directions? Do you prefer to use dialogue tags even when writing in deep point of view?