how to write in deep pov Archives

Writing The Body Language Of Dominance In Deep Point Of View

April 6, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

There are people who have dominant personalities. We might call them an alpha. They don’t have to be abusive, arrogant, angry, or dismissive. In fact, when you combine the positive traits of dominant males with generosity, humility, and a few others, a compelling character can emerge.

Dominant Characters In Deep Point Of View

In deep point of view, you’re limited to just one or two (maybe 3) point of view characters. To make it even more challenging, the reader is limited to only what the POVC can see, know, feel, hear, etc. so it becomes really important to learn what dominant body language looks like to avoid telling and draw the reader into the story.

Remember, in deep point of view you (the writer) can only present evidence to the reader (judge), and they make decisions on character mood, emotion, attitude, etc. So how do you do that? In your writer’s toolbox, you’ll have your own character’s posture and gestures, thoughts, physiology, and words. You also have how others respond and behave when with your point of view character (their posture, facial expressions, words, etc.) Your alpha character doesn’t have to put people down, be a jerk or abusive to show the reader they’re in control.

“In the dim light, he saw a woman flat against the wall, pinned there even though the man before her wasn’t touching her. He was an inch away from her face…” The Light Between Oceans, M.L. Stedman

This book isn’t in deep point of view, but you see how the dominant body language is evident here in a negative light.

“‘Will you shut up, you stupid wom–‘ William Baker began, then took a sudden step backwards as Strike took a half-step forwards. Nobody said anything.” The Silkworm, Robert Galbraith

Power Poses

Amy Cuddy’s TedTalks videos explore power poses. I’ve spent some time just watching people in innocuous situations — waiting at a bus stop, at the theater, at a restaurant, etc. and these power poses are actually used unconsciously all the time. Do a search on an image site and it’s hard finding a male in a submissive pose.

A power pose is the body language of someone feeling powerful (in control, in authority) or victorious. You’ll often see athletes raise their arms up over their heads when they win. When you feel powerful, you’re more likely to feel uninhibited and adopt an open posture.

This often involves making yourself look bigger in some way:

arms raised up or spread wide
puffing out chests
keeping head up (like there’s a string attached at the ceiling to the top of the head)
putting feet up on a desk – lounging (though this really smacks of arrogance too)
hands on hips (think Wonder Woman)
standing upright or erect
chin up, chest out
legs spread apart
chests, crotches, necks exposed or on display (not in an indecent way)
elbows or knees spread wide
Foot or ankle resting on top of knee in a figure 4 position
looking down from a higher position or elevation
man-spreading, crowding the space of others

Submissive poses are the opposite. This body language seeks to make a person appear smaller and they adopt a posture that appears to protect their vulnerable bits – chests, hearts, necks, crotches, etc. Power and submission poses are practiced equally by men and women, though women are often culturally conditioned to strike submissive poses because men find these kinds of body language attractive.

Let’s look at a real-world example. At the Yalta Summit in 1945, a media photo was released of the three most-powerful men in the world at the time: Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin.

Photo via Wiki Commons

This photo perhaps captures how each man feels about his place in the group or the outcome of the meetings. Churchill (left) is holding his hat in his lap covering his groin and appears to have his shoulders hunched. This is a submissive pose.

Roosevelt (center) isn’t covering either his neck, chest or crotch, but this isn’t a power pose. He’s confident but not feeling victorious or in control. Stalin (far right) with his open display of chest, crotch and neck is striking a power pose. See how Stalin is spreading his elbows and knees wide. He’s not slouched but has a very rigid posture. He feels he’s in a position of power or is celebrating a victory perhaps.

Deferring To The Dominant Personality

In deep point of view, it’s important to avoid “telling” the reader the character feels in control. Rather, we want to show it. One way to show who is the dominant personality in the room is by how others act around them.

One key body language “tell” is that everyone pauses and listens when the dominant personality is speaking. Those who aren’t feeling dominant (in control, victorious, etc) will unconsciously mimic the dominant person’s responses and posture. They’ll defer to that person when a question is asked.

Without the dominant personality, no one knows what to say. They are unwilling to meet anyone’s gaze. No one steps up. When a non-dominant personality exits a group, the conversation will continue and the circle will close in the gap like they weren’t there. When a dominant personality leaves, the conversation stops and people stare at the floor and they begin to shift and move about. They don’t know what to say.

Alpha or dominant male body posture.

Dominant In Specific Spheres

Dominance can be location or people specific. Someone could be the dominant personality in their own home, their work, their community, or social group. Their dominance may overlap with many spheres, or it could be limited to just one. Let their posture and body language shift between the spheres to show the loss or lack of dominance. You can really play with this. How would a contest for dominance look in a civilized setting? How would a good alpha assert his authority in public?

Consider the person who is dominant, but relinquishes that power to someone for a time, for a reason. The dominant personality in a meeting may temporarily give up their power in order to hear from an expert for instance. How would that affect their posture or body language? How will the “expert” react to having that power taken away again?

How Does All This Work In Fiction?

We know how things work in real life so how strictly do we need to stick to it in fiction? Let your character’s alpha-ness be a source of the conflict they feel internally or create externally. Many times in fiction, we’re writing about the outliers, those who don’t fit the society mold so there’s lots of freedom to depart from what’s above as long as you’re consistent.

In the age of #metoo, despite the popularity of the 50 Shades books and movies, your alpha hero can (and should) respect women and understand consent, etc. He can be an alpha without needing to dominate those closest to him. Your alpha doesn’t have to be a Wolverine when they could be Professor X. Not many writers are interested in creating those types of characters–or at least, avoid celebrating them.

Beyond Racing Hearts and Sweaty Palms: Writing the Body Language of Attraction

March 9, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

With deep point of view, being able to show readers how and why your character is or isn’t attracted to another without naming an emotion or using on-the-nose dialogue can be a really important detail to get right.

There are at least four types of attraction (sexual attraction being just one option) and showing your character experiencing a wider range of traits they’re attracted to helps readers care more.

Remember, when writing in deep point of view, the writer’s job is to present evidence to the reader of how the character feels. It’s the reader’s job to determine what emotion the evidence points to.

To Be Ambiguous Or Clear With Body Language Signals…

Body language signals must be interpreted and that can lead to miscommunication, hurt feelings, etc. A woman touching her hair could be affirming that she’s noticed a guy’s interest, but it can also indicate unease, trepidation, and even fear. A woman might cross her legs to make her legs appear slimmer or cross them because she’s guarded or on edge. Allow room for conflict here. Let people misread/miss body language. Allow a character to suppress the body language that would mirror how they feel.

Body Language Of Attraction

The typical physiological reactions to attraction include: racing heart, sweaty palms, dry mouth, dilated pupils, preening and attention to grooming (straightening a tie, touching hair, sucking in a gut), eye contact, smiling, uncrossed arms, sticking out of the chest, etc. Here’s a few more to consider.

Heart rate – There’s a bit more to this than ‘he’s hot.’ When our bodies are stimulated (could be from exercise, fear, surprise, etc) and our hearts are racing, attraction can be artificially stimulated. People seem more attractive when our hearts are racing.

Where do their feet point – A person’s feet will directly reflect their attitude. When feet are pointed at another person, this is a sign of interest/attraction. If feet are pointed away, they’re distracted or uninterested. Feet pointed toward the door when the rest of the body isn’t (someone twisting to speak over their shoulder, someone seated can point their feet toward the door) can be a signal of wishing to flee for instance.

Wrists and Necks – People who are nervous, unsettled or feel unsafe will unconsciously (often) protect these vulnerable areas. They’ll hunch their shoulders to protect the neck. They’ll walk with their inner wrists protected against their bodies or stuffed in a pocket. Conversely, exposing theses areas visually can signal attraction.

Head tilting and leaning in – Leaning in can signal interest and attraction. There’s leaning in and there’s you’re-in-my-space leaning in. It’s not really a fine line IMO. Head tilting shows interest and invites people in.

Chemistry Isn’t Really About Chemistry

Misreading or missing these body language cues of attraction can lead people to say ‘there’s just no chemistry between us.’ When trying to show a character’s perceived lack of chemistry, show the reader what’s missing. Were they expecting someone more open and got closed off body language (arms crossed, avoids meeting gaze, no racing heart, etc.)? Show that. Words affirming attraction fall flat without the accompanying body language to back it up. Do you see the many layers and opportunities for conflict and tension here?

What Influences Attraction And Why You Need To Know Your Character

Psychology tells us that there are at least four kinds of attraction. One kind in isolation from the others signals a doomed relationship typically. Additionally, two people may be attracted to each other for different reasons which will reflect their inner values and priorities.

Questions To Have Answers For:

What kind of relationship is your character seeking? (long-term, short-term, friendship, etc.)
What do they place value on? (security, safety, prestige, influence, sexual performance)
How do they perceive themselves? (attractive, dowdy, influential)
What hurts or prior experiences may cause them to suppress or deny their own instincts is showing or reading the body language of attraction? (sexual abuse in their past can skew interpretation of body language signals)

These are all important factors that influence attraction. Someone who places a lot of value on security will prioritize the attraction that seems to promise that, for instance financial independence, emotional stability, or physical health.

4 Kinds Of Attraction

Sexual Attraction – This is usually lust, let’s call it what it is. It’s based almost entirely on one’s assessment of physical beauty, personal wealth, influence, etc. Isolated from the types below, these attractions flare up in a hot blaze and then end with similar heat. However, many psychologists will also caution that relationships devoid of sexual attraction are a house of cards.

Confidence – Some are attracted to individuals who exude confidence. These people often know how to get noticed, they know how to smile, flirt, and measure eye contact. Sometimes, these individuals are very good at saying what the other person wants to hear to get a desired reaction or outcome.

Psychological Attraction –This type of attraction in isolation from the others often ends in the friend zone. A psychological attraction is often directed at those with a unique perspective or skill that separates them from the crowd. Psychological attraction is common in those seeking long-term relationships and emotional intimacy.

Physical Features – This isn’t about beauty so much as gauging health and strength–on traits a person can control. Some are attracted to those displaying good personal hygiene, who dress in clothes that flatter their figures, who work out or are athletic, etc. Physical grooming and personal fitness play large roles in this kind of attraction.

Why Is Understanding Body Language Of Attraction Important For Deep Point Of View?

Let’s create a scenario. A guy sees a pretty girl at the gym and convinces her to go on a date (remember, everyone is more attractive when our heart rate is up). Two dates in he realizes his attraction was purely sexual and is frustrated that she can’t engage with him intellectually or lacks the confidence he finds attractive.

However, in deep point of view the evidence you might present to the reader to show this would be having the pretty girl embarrass him in front of his boss with her inability to talk about city politics, or perhaps he gets frustrated with her constant checking in or insisting on knowing where he is all the time. What turns him on and off shows his priorities and values–it pulls double duty in deep point of view. Instead of writing about attraction, be intentional with the above info and instead show your character’s internal conflict in a way that’s relate-able and convincing.

Learn the body language of attraction and have readers emotionally invested in every romantic storyline you write. Get the free PDF on Writing The Body Language of Attraction now.

5 Pro Tips You Need To Write Deep Point of View Effectively

January 19, 2018 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 3 Comments

Deep Point of View (POV) is like giving your reader a virtual reality headset. That’s how immersive, intense, and personal readers want to be with your story and point of view characters.

The problem with learning deep point of view is getting beyond the basics. Many blogs will tell you to eliminate distance, write with immediacy, ditch speech tags, and write tight. These basics will get you started, but it’s really hard finding help on the more advanced techniques and strategies required to really make deep point of view work for you and your story.

So let’s go Beyond Basics. Here are some Pro Tips you need to master to write Deep point of view well.

Subtext

Subtext is a topic I’ve written about here and here and here. So what is it? K.M. Weiland calls learning subtext the “black belt” of writing fiction: “Subtext is about what isn’t said.”

Ever had a conversation where what you’re saying doesn’t match what’s being spoken about? Hubs didn’t call to tell you he would be late and miss dinner. He arrives home bearing a bouquet of flowers. What do you do? If all is forgiven, you might take a moment to smell his offering and lean in for a kiss. If you’re still mad but will get over it, you might accept the flowers but make sure your fingers don’t touch his in the gift exchange. If you’re still mad you might just talk over the television and tell him there’s a vase in the cupboard.

Subtext is gestures, glances, and body language and how that’s interpreted. It’s veiled conversations, innuendos, and shared experiences. This is a HUGE component of real life communication you need to incorporate into your fiction. But there’s art to it. The reader has to know what’s really being communicated.

Author Intrusion

Deep point of view is about eliminating distance between the reader and the point of view character (POVC) and the beginner guides will tell you to look for words like watched, thought, heard, felt, etc. Remove the dialogue tags and use beats instead. Write with immediacy instead of recalling the action. These are all great starting places and are necessary, but there are so many ways you (as the writer) insert yourself into the story and break the fictive dream for readers. Learning to recognize these and eliminate them takes practice and objectivity.

Here’s one my editor called me on.

“Can’t sleep.” Aralyn yawned. “I don’t like this place.”

The Black Forest was known for its gnarled trees, bogs, and unpredictable pits. “It’s not a nice place.” Edric couldn’t suppress the body shiver that rattled his spine.

“I can feel eyes on me. Like I’m being watched.”

“You are being watched.” Edric widened his eyes and leaned in closer.

The bit in italics is just flat out author intrusion. The POVC wouldn’t think this – who talks to themselves like that? I am inserting myself into the narrative to give the reader information which needs to be avoided in deep point of view. Here’s how I fixed it.

“Can’t sleep.” Aralyn yawned. “I don’t like this place.”

“What, you don’t like gnarled trees, stinking bogs, and unpredictable pits? What’s wrong with you?” Edric couldn’t suppress the body shiver that rattled his spine.

“I can feel eyes on me. Like I’m being watched.”

“You are being watched.” Edric widened his eyes and leaned in closer.

Character Voice

This is one of those subtle bits of art that writers do that make characters come alive. This is more than dialect, accents, or slang – though those are part of it. Everything the character knows, sees, thinks and feels is filtered and interpreted through their personal history, biases, social and economic status, etc. Telling or drawing conclusions for the reader about how a character is feeling, their morals, or hang ups shut down the virtual reality goggles and put the reader back on the sofa observing the story. Instead, you have to become the character and tell the story the way they would. The way actors get into character almost.

What a character notices (what they find ordinary, routine or out of place) gives the reader a lot of information. A city kid and a country kid walk down to the pond in the back field. The city kid is going to notice things the country kid who’s taken that walk a thousand times will take for granted. The country kid’s desires might come through in what he’s tired of looking at, scoffing at the city kid’s wonder.

Here’s a boring story:

Matt sits alone in a bar with a beer. He notices a girl he doesn’t recognize walk in and decides to ask her out.

This is not a very interesting story is it? There are distance words in there (notices, recognize, decides) which force the reader into the armchair to watch the story instead of putting them IN the story. There’s no tension is there? Despite this bit being in present tense, there’s no immediacy. We don’t know how Matt feels about the woman, what his impression is, this narrative simply reports what’s happening. That’s not deep point of view. Instead, let’s add some character voice here.

The jukebox went silent for a moment and a pair of feminine heels clacked on the linoleum behind him. The bar stool squeaked a protest at his swivel. She wore long dark hair braided over one shoulder and snug jeans hugged her hips. He let her see his gaze wander lower. With that buckle and those boots, she must be in town for the rodeo. And she walked in alone … He reached back for his beer and grabbed air. Heat flushed his cheeks.

The side of her mouth pulled to the side. She seemed to size him up, her gaze lingered on his face and then wandered down to his chest. She took the stool next to him and looked his way. He tipped his hat.

This is not a great example, but there’s lots of information to be gleaned from this about Matt. However, I haven’t TOLD you anything. I haven’t drawn any conclusions for readers. I haven’t inserted myself into the story at all.

Internal Dialogue

Mastering internal dialogue is KEY to writing deep point of view well. Incorporating physical obstacles and barriers for your POVC is vital for your story to work, but sometimes the biggest obstacles are internal and this is where deep point of view shines. A character at war with themselves, their values, their upbringing can be very compelling and that all comes through internal dialogue. Let your POVC act one way and think another. Let their thoughts betray their real motivations and fears to the reader. Subtext and character voice incorporated into internal dialogue will ratchet up the tension.

Strategy

There are many times where breaking the basic rules of deep point of view enhance the story, like telling, but you must be strategic and intentional about it. Telling used strategically can convey extreme tension or upheaval. Summarizing can prevent boring lulls or writing on the nose that slows or bogs down a good story.

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How Feelings and Emotions Differ In Fiction

October 17, 2017 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

As writers, part of what makes us good at our jobs is the natural inclination for self-awareness and introspection. Understanding the difference between “feelings” and “emotions” is important, especially when using an intimate writing style such as Deep Point of View (POV). I came across this in my research this week and it kinda blew my mind – so I had to share.

Often in English, feelings and emotions are considered interchangeable, but Psychology tells us they are distinct though two sides of the same coin. As wonderfully rich as the English language is, many of us have become lazy in our everyday usage of it. I mean lazy in the sense that we shorten what we say so that the same saying or word could mean a variety of things, when the words exist to be specific. Sometimes we’re vague on purpose, sometimes we’re just lazy and assume we’ll be understood via context.

Take the statement: I am proud. This could mean I have done something specific I am proud of (emotion). I am generally proud of something (feeling). I am a proud person (trait).

When writing in Deep POV, we want to share the emotional journey with readers, allow them to immerse themselves in the story and so we want to remove as much distance as possible between the reader and the character — bring clarity and authenticity. When we write in a way that describes processes we don’t think about or have become lazy about, our readers experience a depth and richness that feels fresh and is full of surprises.

Emotions Are…

Emotions are physical, instinctive, observable (microfacial expressions, body posture, tone of voice, sweating, etc), and measurable (brain activity, blood flow, etc). Showing emotions shouldn’t cause writers to stumble, but often we limit ourselves to five or six fall-back emotions when there are a great range to choose from. Emotions are the same across all humans (for the most part) and even animals: happy, sad, etc. Typically, emotions force us to DO something; because emotions are instinctive reactions they are usually predictable. See a lion following you = fear.

Emotions are usually fleeting and dissipate quickly. Emotions equip us to survive an immediate situation or event.

Feelings can last for a very long time. Feelings equip us to survive long term in both body and mind.

Feelings Are…

Feelings are the mental associations we make or how we interpret emotions. Feelings can’t be measured (because they happen primarily in our our minds), they’re individual, and are often illogical or irrational. Feelings are determined by personality, past experience, social context, and temperament. Five people may experience the same event and have the same emotional response, but may express and label that emotion differently depending on how they feel.

Someone bumps into me in the hallway and my books fly into the air. I am surprised (emotion), but it’s my personality, past experience, and social context that dictates how I feel about that event. I can feel shocked, scared, intimidated, embarrassed, gracious, frustrated, etc.

Attraction is an emotion. Love is a feeling.

Anger is an emotion. Bitterness is a feeling.

Fear is an emotion. Scared, anxious, insecure, weak, rejected, threatened are feelings.

How Does This Apply To Writing Fiction?

So, you still think “feelings” look an awful lot like “emotions” and I hear you. For writers these distinctions are largely semantics, however the underlying process is important because we want to write emotions in layers.

Let’s create a fictional scenario — an event — for our character that forces an emotional reaction (meaning, this requires a physical and immediate response).

A woman is out with friends and from a distance sees her husband lean in, embrace, and kiss another woman.

Primary Emotion

This will elicit an immediate physical and uncontrollable reaction (emotion). Let’s say the primary emotion is surprise. This has hit her from out of left field. Surprise is the base emotional layer. This will be observable by her friends. What’s wrong? They will SEE her surprise. She will have an instinctive physical response that’s measurable — heart rate increases, eyes widen, jaw drops. Maybe she drops her bags or runs into something because she’s staring. Pick a couple of details to SHOW this surprise emotion. You get the idea?

Feeling

Feelings are the mental associations or interpretations of that emotion — surprise. This is where her personality (character traits), past experience, and social context come into play. Is she naturally jealous, insecure, or suspicious? Let’s say the surprise leads to shock, confusion, or betrayal. Does she have past experiences that will play into this and color her feelings and reactions? Will those feelings trigger another emotion like fear? You show this primarily through internal dialogue. What’s she thinking? If her feelings trigger another primary emotion, there will be additional physical reactions. You see how the layers add up? As the layers add up, strategically pick the details to show the reader what’s at stake emotionally for the character, or pull way back (as opposed to going deeper still).

“To put it simply when character emotions are highly painful, pull back. One secret ingredient behind effective showing can be summed up in this word: subtext. When there’s a feeling we’re not being told, but it is evident anyway, that underlying feeling is subtext. It’s the unspoken emotional truth. When we discern it, it’s a surprise.” Donald Maass, The Emotional Craft of Fiction

Possible Secondary Emotion

She glances at her friends. Did they see him too? They haven’t. She’s swamped by this tidal wave of emotions and feelings and her body is forcing her mind to DO something. Secondary emotions may now get thrown into the mix: anger, shame, anxiety, etc. (Secondary emotions are caused by primary emotions – we don’t simply jump to anger, the anger is a reaction to something) Those secondary emotions could trigger further feelings. (Get this e course with 5 intermediate lessons on on writing emotions in layers)

She has to DO something. Maybe she pretends she doesn’t see her husband at all. Doesn’t mention it to her friends. Knowing she’s a naturally insecure person, her thoughts (internal dialogue) will reflect what she’s feeling. She knew this was going on, she’s such a fool. She knew he wasn’t happy. She isn’t pretty/thin/rich/successful/fill-in-the-blank enough. Perhaps her insecurity catapults her to anger and she drops her bags and screams at him. Maybe her surprise leads her to outrage and she points him out to all her friends — she needs revenge.

But I’m not going to stop there. These are two predictable reactions to those emotions and feelings. Readers will sympathize, but it won’t surprise them. I want a reader leaning in to find out what’s going to happen next. No, THIS woman already knows about the affair, but now she knows who the woman is. He’s sleeping with his boss’ wife. Now she has leverage, but she needs proof. Containable proof, so she says nothing to her friends and reaches for her phone to Google a friend with few morals to get pictures. Let him have his cake, she’ll be one who gets fat off it.

Always dig for that third or fourth option with your character’s responses to emotions and feelings.

Emotional Layers

At this point, your character’s emotions may have seen between two and five layers. There’s no right or wrong number of layers. Typically, you save the most emotionally trying scenes for points of high conflict. These scenes should be emotionally complex and elicit a surprising reaction. But each layer can be shown either through what the character feels physically, is observed by others, what she’s thinking (including subtext), and then how she responds. This provides the reader with a process they can immerse themselves in, connect with the character, and FEEL something themselves.

What book did you read recently that surprised you, that had you leaning in and immersing yourself in the story?

How To Eliminate Distance In Deep Point of View

October 13, 2017 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 8 Comments

Deep POV is a dynamic, visceral, and immediate style of writing that aims to minimize the perceived distance between the reader and the point of view character (POVC). There are a number of stylistic choices an author makes to facilitate this. At the heart of Deep POV is an immersive experience for the reader through an emotional connection to the character.

Now, before I launch into this, let me begin by saying that eliminating distance is only one of the basic techniques of writing in Deep POV. This post only scratches the surface of how to write in this style effectively for the desired effect. Most books on Deep POV only cover the bare basics and don’t get into the more advanced topics of subtext, internal dialogue, emotional layering, emotive writing, blending emotions, pacing, character voice, etc. But you have to start somewhere so whether this post is a refresher or you’re starting new, hopefully this will help you take the next step in growing in your craft.

Eliminate Distance

As I said above, eliminating the distance between the reader and the POVC is one of the main objectives of Deep POV. So, begin by searching for distance words in your manuscript. Here are a few to get you started (obviously not an exhaustive list):

knew, thought, perceived, watched, saw, felt, wished, heard, made, caused, hoped, wondered, wanted, believed, regarded, noticed, looked, smelled, realized, decided, tasted

What I mean by distance words is that this list of words reminds the reader they are a spectator. They are not IN the story, they are not journeying through the story with the main character; they are in fact a reader who is separated from the story by a pane of glass. Much like we might watch a movie. A movie can bring you to tears, but often we are simply entertained and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m only pointing out that this isn’t the main objective of using Deep POV.

Character Voice and Internal Dialogue

Now, this basic building block technique leads into another trick for writing in Deep POV that eliminates distance which is character voice through internal dialogue. Everything the POVC knows, hears, tastes, touches, sees, perceives is filtered through to the reader, but that’s ALL the reader knows. Deep POV is a very limited and close writing style. It’s intimate, raw, and in a way (though I just said otherwise) unfiltered. What I mean is that everything the character has to interpret or make a judgement about is filtered through their experiences, values, their perception of time and place, etc. The POVC’s internal dialogue (thoughts) are given to the reader unfiltered — raw.

We are like this in real life. We put values on things, we interpret and analyze and categorize many things from our perception of aesthetics to the likeability of our neighbor. However, our thoughts are knee-jerk responses. Many of our thoughts, we would never voice aloud. We have thoughts that would be inappropriate, intimate, embarrassing, shocking, expose bias and leanings, reveal vulnerability and weak spots, etc. In Deep POV, you’re looking to write with that kind of intimate authenticity from a character’s perspective.

Create Immediacy

Another aspect of eliminating distance is applied to sequencing and pacing. In order to eliminate distance, the reader has to feel like they’re experiencing the story as the character does. The author in Deep POV is not a tour guide. The author should disappear entirely in fact, or at least as much as possible. Things happen in a cause and effect chain reaction much of the time, but this chain reaction happens so quickly in our own minds it feels simultaneous. It’s not. A thought causes an action. An action causes a reaction. Be sure you’re not putting the cart before the horse, so to speak.

What does this look like? Let’s try a few off-the-cuff examples.

Jason watched the woman. Her heels clicked on the hard linoleum. The woman walked towards the bar with intent. He tipped his beer to his lips. Not interested, he thought.

Do you see how “watched” and “thought” immediately relegated the reader to “observer” rather than experiencing this event with Jason in real time? This example puts the reader in the arm chair watching what’s taking place, instead of sitting on the bar stool next to Jason in this scene. That’s the goal of Deep POV — to put the reader in the story with the POVC. I could have said Jason heard the woman walk into the bar, same problem.

With Deep POV, we’re going to avoid speech and thought tags and use action beats instead. I could leave off “he thought” and you would still understand that “not interested” is Jason’s internal dialogue.

I’ve highlighted “the woman walked” because this is a great spot to go deeper and remove the telling “with intent” bit. From this initial example, do we know how Jason feels about this woman? Does he perceive her as a threat or a conquest? Is it his sister or a stranger from the highway? Does he know why this woman is walking into the bar? We don’t want to add reams of words here to clarify these things, but a few descriptive words filtered through Jason’s perception of the woman would help. Sometimes people just walk into a room, and sometimes they strut, stride, march, stomp, or tiptoe and all of these words will hint to the reader things not just about the POVC, but the person they’re thinking/talking about as well.

So, how do we fix this?

Feminine heels clicked on the hard linoleum behind him. Jason swiveled in his seat. The lanky blond-from-a-box strode across the room towards the bar. Little early in the day for that much cleavage. He tipped his beer to his lips. But who was he to judge.

First, I’ve begun with an action and then reaction. Something causes Jason to turn around. He doesn’t turn around and then hear the heels on the floor. Now, I could have gone a dozen different ways with this but can you see how you have a much clearer picture of who Jason is — what kind of guy he is, and how he feels about the woman? The first example was 35 words and the second is 46. Deep POV will add to your word count so it’s important that you make every word audition for its place in the story. If you can cut a word and not lose any meaning, it’s got to go!

Let’s try another example.

Allison stared at the painting, wondering at the imagination required to create such a stunning portrait. She could never make something like that, she thought.

So, I’ve identified some distance words in this example as well. She stared at the painting — what does the painting look like? Why is it worth staring at, from Allison’s perspective? Wondering is another word that builds in distance and forces the reader back into the armchair. I didn’t highlight it, but “stunning” is a subjective word in this case isn’t it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and this is one place where I could go much deeper and give the reader some insight into what kind of person Allison is, and what emotions this painting is stirring. Again, we can lose the “she thought” tag without changing the meaning so it needs to go. It’s clear from the context who’s thinking that thought.

Allison’s knees ached from standing still too long, but she couldn’t look away from the painting. The woman in the portrait stared back, never blinking, looking deep into Allison’s soul. How did the artist create such depth visually? Was it simply shading or was there more artistry to it? She rocked back on her heels. She’d never be able to paint like that.

So, the word count increased significantly with my rewrite (I did this pretty fast so I might edit this down further). I added some movement to this example to try and convey the idea that Allison is engaged and then mentally separates herself. I’ve tried to combine Allison’s physical actions (body language) and with her internal dialogue to SHOW the reader (provide evidence for) what she’s feeling.

That Allison doesn’t think she could create something so lifelike tells us a lot about her and her desires, but that she’s stopped so long to study it tells us she wants to. With the first example, you could skim that and not relate much to Allison’s struggle in any way because you don’t KNOW what she’s struggling with. The second example attempts to (hopefully) convey something she’s passionate about and reveals a vulnerability Allison likely doesn’t let other people know much about.

Now it’s your turn. Take the sentence below and go deeper with it. In the comments, do your best to eliminate the distance between the reader and the POVC. I don’t care where you go with it. **keep it clean – my mother reads this blog :D**

Sarah pulled the handle and rolled out of the car. She had to get out. “Help,” she yelled.

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