Why Deep POV Isn’t Working And How To Fix It

August 22, 2022 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 4 Comments

Many blogs repeat the same four to six points on writing in deep POV, so you read those and think – heh, that doesn’t look too hard. But your efforts continually fall short with beta readers, critique partners and editors. They say ‘go deeper’ and you scratch your head – but you DID go deeper. Let’s dive into the most common reasons deep POV isn’t working for newer writers and look at some solutions.

**This post got super long, so I’ve split it into parts.**

Point Of View Problems

You need a clear understanding of point of view for deep POV to work. This is not a beginner-friendly style to write in, so *deep breath* don’t give up.

Third person POV is a story from the he/she, they/them perspective. There are different ways to use third person POV. First person POV is the I, me, we, us perspective and there are different ways to use first person POV. Neither first person nor third person (or any version of either) is deep POV. You can learn more about first person POV here, and learn more about third person POV here.

· First Person POV heavily leans on the narrator/author voice when telling a story from a single character’s perspective. The POV narrator/character may or may not be the protagonist (so they may or may not be privy to the protagonist’s thoughts and feelings), the narrator could also be omniscient and outside the story itself.

· Limited Third Person POV uses the author voice (no narrators) to tell a story about a single character at a time. The author is only privy to the thoughts and emotions of a single character at a time, and that character may express thoughts directly to the reader (often differentiated from the author voice with italics).

· Deep POV isn’t strictly a point of view issue, the name is a little confusing. It’s an additional layer of point of view applied to either first person or third person POV. In deep POV there’s no author/narrator voice.

Let’s look at some examples:

First Person POV: I stretched out my legs under the table as Sally peeled the label off the empty wine bottle. She would never look at me when there was tension between us. From down the street, Macy’s apartment building loomed over the café. The words froze in my gut. How did I tell Sally I didn’t love her anymore?

Limited Third Person POV: Sally peeled the label off the empty wine bottle. She wouldn’t even look at him. George tucked his feet under his chair and drummed his fingers on the table, frustration making him twitchy. He stared off down the street at the apartment building where Macy lived, his gut twisting with the words he couldn’t quite get out. He didn’t love Sally anymore.

Deep POV: Sally sat, shoulders rounded like a turtle in its shell, peeling the label on the empty wine bottle. George tucked his heels under his chair and let his gaze wander down the street to Macy’s building. The modern glass structure loomed over the frozen-in-time café Sally preferred. He sucked in a deep breath, his gut clenching, his throat tight. “Sally, I don’t love you anymore.” The words erupted out.

The elimination of the author/narrator voice in deep POV requires you to give the reader two plus two and let them add it up to four. This means your description and observation skills must be on point, otherwise the reader won’t ‘get it’ and feel lost.

Head Hopping Problems

Adjacent to the issue with understanding how POV works, there are often head hopping issues. While there are first person and third person styles that use the omniscient viewpoint, it’s not all that common in popular fiction (sorry to all the diehard fans of Austen, Dickens, and Tolkien).

In contemporary popular fiction, the reader is only privy to what the POV character knows, intuits, learns, etc.

POV Violation: Cassandra kept her claws rounded and painted, her antennae erect and shiny. The green-skinned passersby approved of her with a nod and then dismissed the messy Steve who followed her.

Cassandra can’t know what others think of her or anyone else. This is an example of the author telling the reader the answer is four, instead of just giving the reader two plus two and letting them lean in and figure it out.

Deep POV: Cassandra examined the precisely-filed ends of her claws. A green-skinned man approached her, and his eyes widened and his antennae arched away from her. She checked her antennae, but they were perfect. She spun. Steve slumped along behind her, his left antennae bent and limp. Sickly splotches of purple marred his green skin.

See the difference?

This is the most-watched unit of my popular 5 week masterclass on writing in deep point of view. This is a deep dive into writing emotions in layers that assumes you already know the basics of this advanced writing style.

No Emotions Are Added

One of the most prevalent pieces of advice I’ve seen about deep POV is to remove emotion words. This relates back directly to give the reader two plus two, don’t tell them the answer is four. Newer writers learn to remove the emotion words, but don’t know how to add that emotion back in via showing and not using the author/narrator voice.

Sally anxiously waved at Mark from across the room.

Anxiously is an emotion word, so we know that’s the author voice creeping in.

Sally waved at Mark from across the room, wanting him to respond.

This is a common fix, but ‘wanting’ is still the author voice creeping in. It’s insidious, it’ll sneak in everywhere you’re unsure of what to say.

Sally rose up on her toes, heat crept into her cheeks. He finally looked at her and she lifted her hand to wave. What if he’s not looking at her? She sank back onto her heels and hid her hand behind her back, cutting the wave short.

With this last example, I’ve given the reader two plus two. Hopefully, reading that, you can figure out that she’s anxious, but in addition to that, when deep POV is done well, the WHY behind the emotion is shared as well. Why is Sally anxious? Because she doesn’t know if Mark even sees her.

Stay tuned for part two next week. What’s your biggest struggle with deep POV?

Examples of First Person Deep POV

August 8, 2022 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 4 Comments

First person POV is automatically deep pov, right? NOPE. They are very different, though first person POV stories may use elements of deep pov, there’s a lot more to deep pov than most realize.

I recently did a guest post on why first person pov is not deep pov (at least, not automatically as some assume). But, over and over my students and readers tell me that what they find most helpful is examples.

So, go read that first post and then come back – or read the recap below.

Quick Recap: What Is First Person POV?

First Person POV is a story told from the I, me, we, us perspective, and it relies quite heavily on a narrator voice. In third person POV, that “narrator” becomes the author voice.

The function of this narrator/author voice is to summarize, explain, give details the character wouldn’t know or think about, skim details, skip time, give descriptions of things the character might not notice on their own, recap history or deliver backstory. Particularly in first person POV, the character either directly speaks to the reader (breaks the fourth wall) or assumes the reader is listening in.

In deep POV, every word on the page comes from within the character, and while the reader is a fly on the wall inside the character’s head, the character doesn’t acknowledge, talk to, think of the reader at all. Everything happens in real time. So, there’s no place for the author voice to summarize, explain, skim, describe, skip over time, etc.

Some people find deep POV claustrophobic, too intense, too limiting. Others love the directness, intensity and intimacy of this style of writing. There’s no right or wrong answer.

But First Person Uses Deep POV…

Some have said to me, but first person IS deep POV. There’s no dialogue tags or filter words.

Deep POV is a collection of stylistic choices that aim to immerse the reader in the character’s lived experience of the story. Emotions are the glue that makes deep POV have so much power. So yes, many of the big names writing in first person POV (Margaret Atwood comes to mind) advocate to remove dialogue tags (he said/she said) and use beats, and this is one element of deep POV. Many advocate to remove filter words that add narrative distance, and this is also one element of deep POV.

But there’s SO MUCH MORE to deep POV than these two stylistic choices. And, that narrator/author voice is really the big stickler that differentiates the two.

Filter Words And Summary In First Person POV

I’ve used bold text to show where the author/narrator voice is creeping in.

First Person POV: A heavy pounding on the front door caused my heart to leap into my throat and I fell off the couch where I’d been sleeping. I bellowed at the door. “Who’s there?” Everyone who’d ever bother to visit knew better than to appear before noon. It was only 8am.

There are still filter words here – caused. Words like made, forced, caused add narrative distance. Just show the reaction instead of narrating it. A heavy pounding rattled the front door in its frame. My heart leaped into my throat.

‘Where I’d been sleeping’ is summarizing. Show where they were sleeping. A heavy pounding rattled the front door in its frame. My heart leaped into my throat and I fell off the sofa. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

The last line is an omniscient narrator voice, which not every first person POV would employ, but do you see how it’s summarizing and explaining many WHYS in this scene? Why are they surprised? Why are they annoyed? There’s also some backstory that assumes a reader is listening into the character’s thoughts.

Limited Third Person POV: A heavy pounding on the front door sounded through the house. Sam bolted upright on the sofa and then hit the floor. He got to his feet, his heart pounding in his throat, hands shaking. He never got out of bed before noon. “Who’s there?”

Words like heard, saw, wanted, (sounded is a tricksy workaround that doesn’t work) etc. are more examples of filter words. This adds narrative distance. Show me how this sound affects the character. The “he never got out of bed before noon” is the author voice explaining things to the reader.

Deep POV: A heavy thick-fisted pounding rattled the front door. I bolted upright on the sofa and tipped. My heart leaped into my throat and I hit the floor. The tendrils of the nightmare slipped from my memory like sunlight on fog again. My stomach and chest ache, my hands shaking. I take a deep breath and exhale through my mouth until the ache recedes. I’m home, not back there. Tapped my phone. 8am. A reminder popped up: Plumber. “Who’s there?”

This rewrite aims to remove the author/narrator voice explaining or summarizing what’s going on. I also hoped to give the reader a peek into the WHY behind their reaction without a backstory dump that required explanation or the author voice to interrupt what’s going on.

Using the narrator/author voice isn’t wrong, but if your goal is deep POV you have to remove those because what you want is the lived experience, not a summary of the lived experience. Instead of TELLING a story, have the character simply live out the story in an immersive way?

Ask yourself WHY your character is doing or thinking or deciding things. Ask how the character FEELS using what Psychology Today calls the Orchestra of silent communication: internal physical feelings (heart rate, circulation, etc), external physical feelings (bumping into things, squished toes, etc), emotions, gestures, expressions, movement – all the things. Decide on a few relevant details that will show the impact, mood, setting, etc. of the scene. Be strategic.

Removing The Narrator Voice In First Person POV

First Person POV: The first day we stumbled upon that old cabin in the woods, we knew it would change everything.

All of this is the narrator voice. The voice is talking to the reader directly. Additionally, the narrator is summarizing what’s about to happen from a time in the future. This doesn’t happen in deep POV.

Deep POV: I chased Jake through the woods, the branches pulling and snagging at my shirt, the long grass trying to trip up my feet. I was too fast though. I jumped over a log, and fell, and the ground disappeared. I shrieked. My backside hit ground. Heels dragging furrows ahead of me until I stopped. Sand in my shorts, sand in my mouth. I shook it out of my hair. Jake stood nearby, looking up. I stood, rubbing the sore parts and cursing. My shoes now a size too small with all the sand in them. An old tree, twisted and tangled, stood with its roots crawling across the ground, holding up an ancient cabin. My mouth gaped.

Jake nudged me with his wrist and took off running. “I saw it first!”

Nobody was going to believe what we’d found.

Deep POV explores the in-real-time lived experience, and doesn’t filter it through a narrator voice or the author. Every word on the page comes from the character, from within the character.

The Narrator Voice Drawing Conclusions

First Person POV: I could tell Tom was lying.

Deep POV: I waited, my arms folded over my heart. Tom wouldn’t meet my gaze. He just shuffled his weight from one foot to the other, hands shoved so deep in his pockets his wrists disappeared.

Don’t TELL the reader Tom is lying, SHOW the reader why that POV character thinks Tom is lying. What information have they taken in that gives that character the impression that Tom is lying? That’s the shift that needs to happen in deep POV.

Go Deeper With Emotions And Remove Narrative Distance

First Person POV: Despite everything I’d just said, he was still leaving. But he couldn’t leave. He was breaking my heart.

Deep POV: I cleared my throat and blinked back the tears. My chest gaped open, there was nothing left to say. He jingled his keys in his pocket, staring out the window. “I never knew you felt that way.” He shrugged and reached for the door. “But it doesn’t change anything.”

He shut the door behind him. My knees gave out and a wailing noise filled the room. A vice wrapped around my throat. Tears rushed down my face and down my neck. My whole body an open wound and he’d just poured salt on it.

The first person POV example is the narrator voice summarizing what’s going on, it’s keeping the reader at a safe distance. The narrator concludes for the reader what is going on, where deep POV gives the reader the information they use to reach their conclusion without stating it.

Don’t tell the reader the character’s heart is breaking, show what a broken heart FEELS like to that character in that moment. In real life, we don’t take in a scene and then tell ourselves what we’ve concluded – we don’t narrate our actions to ourselves, we just take the next step and act. Let the reader draw their own conclusions. And this is really really hard when you’re full of doubt about whether the reader “gets it”, but that’s what critique partners and beta readers are for.

Deep POV aims to immerse the reader in the character’s lived experience, as it happens. Emotions, the visceral, unfiltered, vulnerable, messy, and intimate exploration of emotions is what makes deep POV so powerful. I don’t tell the reader the POV character’s heart is broken, I show (tried to show) what a broken heart felt like to THAT character, RIGHT NOW.

A Warning About Editors…

Editors not familiar with deep POV will look at these deep POV examples and say it’s navel-gazing, it’s slowing the plot – that it has to go. Deep POV will add to your word count, and it will slow the pace of your story (in places). They will want you to add in the narrator/author voice in places, summarize and explain “to keep the pace moving”, but that narrow focus of the lens is THE POINT.

This is the mindshift change that happens with deep POV. You need to strategically employ distance and telling in deep POV, like you do with every other POV style, but this is what “go deeper” looks like. Deep POV employs this curiosity of raw emotions, the lived experience of the story with intimate detail, forces t he reader to lean in and participate (think) to know what’s going on, and consequently immerses the reader in that character’s perspective and journey.

Ask prospective editors if they’re familiar with deep POV and ask to see examples of (or links to) work they’ve edited written in deep POV. Look at the examples – are they in deep POV? Look for dialogue tags. The narrator voice. Filter words. The kind of telling that’s allowed with a narrator/author voice, but is avoided in deep POV. Is the story told in real time – no hindsight or looking ahead. Does the character assume there’s a reader listening in? Some people don’t know deep POV is different than limited third person, and different from first person POV.

I’ll be posting on my own blog regularly instead of only guest posting. What aspects of deep pov would you like to see my blog about? Would you like to see me post more examples of other styles put into deep POV?

17 Things To Know About Deep POV Before You Start Writing

April 18, 2022 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

I LOVE deep POV, but there’s a lot of confusion about what it is and what it isn’t, how it works, what genre or tense you must use – lots of questions and a lot of confusion. I wanted to put together a list of things many people don’t realize before doing a two-footed jump in the deep end of deep POV.

Very Few Novels Are Written ENTIRELY In Deep POV

I’m often asked for recommendations for novels written entirely in deep POV, and I struggle to find many. Not many bestsellers use deep POV exclusively. And there’s a reason for that. Deep POV is intense, it can bog down the pace, and not every scene or character is suited to using deep POV. This is a stylistic technique you keep in your writer’s toolbox. Some writers try to stick close to deep POV most of the time, some use it only for key emotional moments. There’s no rules (though, I believe romance generally trends towards using deep POV most of the time).

The key is to know how each scene moves the story ahead, what work each scene needs to do in telling the larger story, and be strategic with the tools you use to create specific effects. That said, I have a list on this blog post if you’re looking for examples.

I’m sharing these titles with the caveat that EVERY novel MUST use telling in places, and in genres where there’s a lot of storyworld building such as fantasy or historicals, the tolerance for it is higher than in some other genres like contemporary romance.

Deep POV Is A Hard Technique To Learn (If You Haven’t Read A Lot In This Style)

Deep POV is not intuitive if you’ve spent a lot of time reading other point of view styles. Many accepted stylistic choices in other point of view styles undermine the immersive effect deep POV aims to create for readers. Those new to learning deep POV often say there’s a steep learning curve because you have to think differently about how you tell the story, the details you choose to focus on, how those details and thoughts are shared.

Emotional Depth Is What Makes Deep POV Powerful

The power of deep POV is in the depth and exploration of the character’s emotional journey. That emotional journey is what readers find so compelling. Stories that utilize a lot of action, that use characters who aren’t prone to self-reflection or thinking, may not be well-suited to being written entirely in deep POV. Deep POV used for key emotional points in stories like these, when used effectively and strategically, are very powerful for inciting incidents, mirror moments, black moments, etc.

There’s More To Deep POV Than The Same 4 Rules

There’s so much MORE to deep POV than most blog posts tell you there is. If you don’t have a goal of writing entirely in deep POV, it’s easy to give a summary explanation of remove dialogue tags, show don’t tell, remove emotion words, remove filter words – and believe that’s all there is to it.

Deep POV is actually very complex and requires a fair amount of strategy to use well. Yes, these four aspects are the most-talked about, but if you don’t learn to recognize the author/narrator voice, get curious about emotional depth, learn to use subtext, learn to use telling strategically, deep POV will be endlessly frustrating and will fall flat with readers and editors.

Deep POV Is Often Added In The Rewrites

I’m often asked how long it took me to learn deep POV. I’m still learning and I’ve been writing deep POV exclusively for more than ten years. What I have found is that deep POV is best edited for, rather than attempted on a first draft. You can learn all the “rules” of deep POV and put out a first draft that immerses readers in the story, but getting curious about and creating reader surprise in the character’s emotional journey in each scene is hard heart work and I reserve an entire read-through JUST for deep POV.

Now, I mean the emotional aspect of deep POV. Learning the red flag words to avoid, removing telling and the author voice, etc. Those are all aspects that you can achieve on a first draft with a lot of practise. But that emotional work, depending on your own writing preferences, may be done on a second draft (planners), it may be a tenth draft (pantsers), but it’s work best saved for after you’ve gotten the plot and pace settled first.

Deep POV Is Not Limited Third, Is Not First Person

Many many people do not understand what deep POV really is. First person is not automatically deep POV. First person allows for author/narrator narration, summary, explanation, conclusions, etc. that would be considered telling in deep POV.

Limited third, close third – this is not deep POV. Let’s just do a quick recap of POV styles:

Omniscient POV – (either first person or third person) the author/narrator tells a story about a character or a group of characters. The narrator/author is not a part of the story, but knows everything about how the characters feel, and what happens next. Ex. Lord Of The Rings, Of Mice And Men, The Ocean At The End Of The Lane

Objective Third Person POV – the author tells the story objectively, without adding emotions, motivations, or thoughts from the character Ex. The Lottery by Shirley Jackson

Limited Third Person POV – the author tells a story about ONE character at a time (this is the ‘limited’ part of this POV style), and may share some of the character’s thoughts directly with the reader (often using italics to set the character’s thoughts apart from the narrator/writer voice).

Deep POV – The character lives out the story in real time, immersing the reader in their emotional journey. There is NO author/narrator voice. Every word on the page comes from within the POV character. Every. Word.

Many take my class believing they’re writing limited third person, but are actually writing in objective third person. Their learning curve is even greater because not only do they have to shift how they tell the story to eliminate the author voice, they also must learn how to write emotions and thoughts that come from within the POV character.

https://lisahallwilson.com/use-beats-in-deep-pov-to-convey-emotion/

Deep POV Works For Almost Every Genre

Deep POV requires enough reader maturity and insight to understand body language, social cues, subtext, etc. So, it’s not well-suited to MG or Children’s Lit.

There are some genres that are well suited to deep POV, romance genres for instance, where the character’s internal life is a focus of the story. Some writers think you can’t use deep POV for genres like mystery or suspense or cozies, because the POV character can’t keep secrets from the reader, but that’s just not true. You can’t keep secrets, but that’s not the only way to write those stories, nor does not keeping secrets remove or undercut the potential for tension.

Deep POV Limits Where The Reader Can Get Information From

With deep POV, the reader knows everything the POV character knows, thinks, feels, wants, sees, intuits, learns. The reader should know the character’s preferences, prejudices, past experience, expertise, etc (without using telling or info dumps). But that’s ALL the reader knows.

Learning to recognize POV breaks in deep POV is another challenge that many blogs don’t mention. If your character wouldn’t know x or be aware of y, then they can’t share that info with the reader. The POV character can guess what another thinks, feels, wants, or knows, but they don’t KNOW unless the other character tells them.

The POV character can’t know what the weather is like outside if they don’t check a weather forecast or they somehow interact with the outside world, and they need a reason to think about the weather. As a Canadian, I generally don’t give much thought to the fact that it will be cold or snowing outside in January. It’s a given. What makes me think about the weather is keeping track of incoming storms, force me to drive somewhere in it, have to bundle up for a walk, then I think about the weather.

The POV character can’t know something, actively think of it, but not share that with the reader. There can be things from the character’s past they don’t think about actively on a weekly, daily, or moment-to-moment basis. But if something happens that triggers emotions from the past, the use of subtext should at least hint at what’s happened. Keeping secrets from the reader without a POV break is really hard.

Show Don’t Tell Is Taken To A Whole New Level With Deep POV

Many blogs will tell you to remove emotion words, to avoid writing: he is sad, she is anxious, he waved anxiously, she clapped with enthusiasm… That’s just the beginning. Remember, the goal is to immerse the reader in the story so the feeling that they’re being TOLD a story is removed and they’re instead vicariously living out this journey alongside the POV character – a fly on the wall inside their heads.

In deep POV, “telling” includes author intrusion, POV breaks, narrative or psychic distance, and the above emotion and thinking words. Those that love flowery descriptions and objectively listing all the items in a room will find their wings clipped in deep POV unless these are details the character would notice or think about. Even word choice is character dependent. A mechanic might label the parts of an engine, a fashionista might identify individual designers, a gardening enthusiast will know a pothos from a philodendron – but most people will not. It’s a car, it’s an engine, it’s a dress or a pair of shoes, it’s a plant… Deep POV really puts the character’s internal world at front and centre.

https://lisahallwilson.com/4-ways-to-replace-dialogue-with-subtext-even-new-writers-can-master/

Deep POV Is A Stylistic Choice, It’s Not About Voice Or Genre

Writing an entire novel only in deep POV is better suited to some genres than others, this is true – but it is possible (and would be compelling) to write a thriller, or a mystery, or a historical in this style. It requires a shift in how you tell the story.

Deep POV does not affect what kind of story you tell – your author voice. Your author voice is about what kind of story you tell, and how you tell it. Deep POV does not require steamy sex scenes or graphic violence, it requires emotional depth. Are you willing to “go there” with your characters? Are you willing to get really curious about what emotions are present, and all the complexities of the emotions felt but not expressed? You must learn to ask yourself what ELSE is going on internally with this character. What do they wish they could do – and why don’t they do that? What do they want, but can’t express or allow space for?

Identifying The Narrator/Writer Voice In Deep POV Is Difficult

This is an aspect of deep POV that seems to hit people unexpectedly. Identifying the narrator/writer voice, learning its function, is the second biggest obstacle for new writers learning to write in deep POV. Intermediate and advanced writers already know what the author/narrator voice is, what function it serves, so learning to write without it is much easier (though I still wouldn’t say it’s intuitive unless you’ve read a lot in this style).

Writing emotions in deep POV without using the narrator/author voice to summarize, explain, justify, conclude, is a learning curve.

You Learn Deep POV Best By Doing It

Deep POV is not intuitive, and depending on your prior skill level can come with a very steep learning curve. This technique is best learned by writing it and getting prompt feedback. There’s a lot to take in. Having a community to help you learn is really really helpful.

Otherwise, you end up learning like I did – slowly, painfully, frustratingly…

I would go to a conference and have an agent or editor meeting, and they’d point out one phrase, or something like removing dialogue tags – as not being in deep POV. I’d think I’ve got it. I might read a few blog posts that pointed out a couple of other things, and I would go the next conference only to be told, you need to remove this to be in deep POV. Over and over that happened. When you only get one cog in the mechanism at a time, nothing works and the learning is super slow.

Not all editors/beta readers understand deep POV

I’ve had many students complain to me that their editor or beta reader flagged this or that aspect of deep POV as wrong. Deep POV is a specific technique that throws out a lot of accepted things, and incorporates other things other POV styles avoid.

Be aware of this when getting feedback. When employing an editor, ask them if they know and understand deep POV, ask for a sample edit and see what they do with the deep POV aspect of your writing.

Deep POV Is Not A Beginner’s Technique

If you’re just beginning to learn writing, deep POV will present a massive learning curve. I like to say deep POV is the cosmetic final layer to building a house. I watch a lot of historical building reno shows from the UK. They take a derelict historical building, and the first thing they must do is make it water-tight and structurally sound. No one is picking curtain fabric or bathroom fixtures until all that work is done.

It won’t matter how pretty the curtains are if the walls won’t stand up. If you are a beginning writer, just know that there’s a steep learning curve ahead of you to learn this technique AND plot, structure, characterization, tension, pace, emotional arc, etc.

Deep POV, without all the foundational aspects of writing fiction in place, is going to shine a giant spotlight on where things are weak. The caveat to all this is if you’ve spent a lot of time reading deep POV and that’s the style that comes to you intuitively.

This class runs 2-4 times a year. It is open April and October 2022.

Deep POV Can Be Past Or Present Tense

Tense is really the wrong question when it comes to deep POV. The goal is to write immersively, and in real time. Can you do that in past tense? Yes. Can you do that in present tense? Yes. Most of us find one or the other usually comes to us more naturally than the other, so go with your preference. Sometimes, genre can dictate tense as well. Deep POV works equally well with either style.

Deep POV Really Brings Your Character’s Voice To The Forefront

Deep POV, because every word on the page comes from within the POV character, that character’s voice: their worldview, prejudices, motivations, past experiences, priorities – all of it is expressed in word choice, in what they focus on or ignore, what’s normal to them, what they pursue, what they give up on, what they suppress, what they express…

This is part of how deep POV creates that immersive effect for readers. But it means you have to set aside how YOU would describe something. You have to cut descriptions of things the character wouldn’t notice, or use words your character wouldn’t use. It’s like handing the reader virtual reality goggles for your character – you, the writer, don’t have a voice.

Writing Emotions Is Hardest Part Of Learning Deep POV

Removing the author/narrator voice can be super challenging. Learning to remove all the telling (emotion words, thinking words, sense words) for instance, can be a huge obstacle and leave writers floundering. Writers mistakenly think this is the hardest part about learning deep POV. It’s not.

Once you’ve learned to remove all these words, phrases, storytelling devices to create this immersive in-real-time effect, you must now add the emotion back in without using those telling techniques. Learning where, and how, and when to add emotional complexity and depth is the black belt level of deep POV and where the real magic happens.

Two to four times a year, I run a deep POV masterclass online. Two units of this masterclass are available all the time, but the interactive course that provides oodles of feedback and a supportive community only opens a few times a year. It’s open for April 2022. Find out more info here.

1 Pro Tip To Create Emotional Depth In Deep POV

December 9, 2021 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

I have mainly been writing guest posts for other blogs and neglecting my own. *sad face* So, I’m hoping to post here more regularly going forward, but it will mean shorter posts. *mittened fist-bump*

One of the things that writers seem to struggle with a lot when shifting from limited third person to deep point of view is using the character’s whole body to show emotions. We learn to remove the telling emotion and thought words, but don’t add in how the emotion feels – the emotions stay in this cerebral thinking mode that doesn’t really immerse the reader in how the character feels.

Limited third person POV allows the writer/author voice to summarize, explain, and justify how a character feels. Whereas deep point of view asks the writer to remove their own voice and capture what the pov character sees, perceives, feels, intuits, etc without that narrative explanation, justification or summarization.

With narrator/writer voice: Jarrah’s heart was breaking and he didn’t even care. How could he betray her like that again and expect her to believe the same lies? She wanted to double over with the pain filling her chest. Steve’s fake contriteness was nothing more than a smoke screen. “I’m not buying it this time.”

Without narrator/writer voice: Steve slouched his shoulders and peered up at her like a contrite puppy. He even made his lips quiver as though he was on the verge of tears. “It just happened. It didn’t mean anything. I swear.” He wrapped his hands around hers as though he shared his warmth. “It’s you I love.”

Jarrah snatched back her hands from his icy grip and folded her arms over her heart. He couldn’t even come up with a new act. Same explanation, same affectation. Every. Single. Time. She would not cry. She drew in a deep breath and stiffened her spine even though her heart bled out. “I’m not buying it this time.”

Do you see the difference with the writer/narrator voice and without? The reader must lean in and perceive the betrayal, the heartache, the resolve that’s breaking her heart.

Add In Reactions

When something happens in the story, look for your POV character’s emotional reaction. You’ve likely built in a thinking reaction – he was stunned, she gulped, etc. Many of these reactions are either telling (the writer/narrator voice is explaining, summarizing or justifying) or you’ve used a simple beat (just an action) when you need to upgrade to a complex beat (action that conveys emotion).

Let’s say Sherry has just found out she’s been fired for something someone else did.

Simple beat:

Sherry stuffed her hands in her pockets. “I don’t understand.”

Sherry shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t…” She stared at the floor. “I don’t understand.”

Complex beat:

Sherry’s throat constricted, strangling her words. “I don’t… I… Why?”

“I don’t…” Sherry choked on the lump in her throat, coughing. “I…” Her vision blurred with tears. She sucked in a deep breath to regain her voice. “Why?”

When the emotional reaction remains solely in the character’s head, in just their thoughts, it keeps the reader at a distance from the tension you’re creating. The goal of deep pov is to immerse the reader in the lived experience of the character’s journey.

The Body As An Orchestra For Communication

We feel emotions with our whole bodies. When we relegate emotions just to our heads, to our thoughts, that’s usually a sign of trauma – of dissociation. And if that’s what you’re going for that’s fine. The character can puzzle through why something that should hurt, does not. Or be thankful that this awful thing doesn’t affect them. This clues the reader in that something is off.

But without that trauma or shock element, emotions should be felt throughout the whole body. Tension is felt in the shoulders, spine, joints, jaw, fingers/fists, gut, heart rate, perspiration, stability (sensation of weak joints or limbs, or quivering/shaking/trembling). You can show confusion, distraction, frustration, etc through disordered pacing, gestures that are truncated or jumbled – frantic movements that are inefficient or nonsensical – looking for keys in the fridge for instance.

Emotion can be heard when we speak. How does your character’s voice change with emotion – not just volume (whisper, yell), but in tone, cadence/rhythm, or pitch? In North America, our voices rise in pitch just a smidge to communicate a question or surprise. Ever listened in on one side of a phone call between spouses? I shared very thin office walls with two men in long-standing committed marriages, and I couldn’t hear the words that were spoken through the walls, but I could tell just by the way the tone of their voices deepened, softened, slowed, that they were speaking to their wives.

How does your character’s posture or movements change with their emotions? Even emotions they want to keep hidden affect things that are outwardly observable (a point to keep in mind when your POV character is evaluating how someone else feels). Women (in North America at any rate) often affect a smaller posture when flirting or trying to gain the romantic attentions of someone else. We preen when feeling insecure (straighten tie, suck in gut, smooth out wrinkles or tug on hems, etc.)

Even very slight shifts in stance, shifting of feet or avoiding eye contact can communicate quite a lot.

Application

Will you use this tip? Take one chapter of your manuscript and find a simple beat that stands in for the emotion/telling word you removed or wanted to write. And go deeper using some of these tips for showing emotional reactions. Try to have the emotion felt in the entire body, instead of remaining in the character’s head.

5 Pro Tips On Writing Description In Deep Point Of View

December 31, 2019 by Lisa Hall-Wilson Leave a Comment

Woop! Let’s give 2019 a giant kick out the door and welcome in 2020 with a bang! Beginning January 1^st, I am launching 30 Days Of Deep POV on my Facebook page, where I’ll be creating a video a day based on my 30 most popular blog posts (including guest posts) on deep point of view (t. Don’t miss out! Join the fun on Facebook!

I am continuing the Deep POV FAQ series and today’s question is: how do I add more pertinent details without boring my readers?

I get asked this A LOT concerning writing in deep point of view. I’ve blogged about writing description here and here. Here and here. But it is hard to know what you should expand on or cut way back, so let’s get super practical right now. Because to you – ALL the details are important. So how do you know what to keep and what to get rid of?

How Much Does The Reader Need To Know NOW?

Some details are important for the reader to know – to understand the story, but resist the temptation to deliver all of it at once. Ask – how much does the reader need to know RIGHT NOW to understand what’s going on? My personal rule for backstory is to answer one question and leave the reader with two more. Drip. Drip. Drip. Same rule applies here with description. Scene by scene, drip-drip-drip, ask yourself what information the reader absolutely needs to know to understand what’s going on right now. Does the reader need to know the history of THAT coffee table RIGHT NOW, or does the reader just need to know that there’s an interesting coffee table that catches her eye because right now something is more important to the character?

It’s better to deliver information to the reader through dialogue than a narrative passage, it’s more fun to read and is less likely to slow the pace. Think of the Immortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare. Clary knows nothing about the shadow world, about shadowhunters, so she’s always asking questions and needing things explained to her. Her questions deliver the information the reader needs to know to understand the story, but Clary couldn’t possibly know all the questions to ask in Chapter One. She has to keep moving forward and ask questions as they come up, on a need-to-know basis. That’s the best way to think of it. Keep the story moving ahead always.

For Those Who Love Flowery, Flowing, Descriptive Passages…

If this is you, probably you find that you have to edit out big sections of narrative (and it feels a bit like you’re gutting the heart of the story). First, you can’t fix something that isn’t written, so a pat on the back for getting the words down. That’s the first big hurdle.

With deep point of view, every bit of information given to the reader is filtered through the point of view character – not you, the writer. The goal of deep point of view, remember, is for the writer to disappear and for the reader to feel like they’re IN the story with the character. Ask yourself, at the beginning of any scene, what’s your POV character’s motivation in this scene? Sounds like something an actor would ask, but it works here too. Because, whatever your POV character is zoned in on determines what they notice, ignore, explain away, take in but don’t linger over, etc.

I often use the example of a teenage boy home from school who’s hungry. (yes, this might be an example ripped straight from my own life). The boy won’t notice the new paint on the wall, that the furniture has been rearranged, that mom’s got a new haircut – nothing. (all true stories) What he will notice is that the dog is wet when it jumps on him. He’ll notice if there’s a smell in the house that hints at baking taking place. He will have catalogued everything in the fridge and know if something’s been added or removed (say, leftover pizza).

This filtering of details is super important in deep point of view. A character who’s eager to impress or please, might trip over themselves offering compliments or searching for something they think the other person is proud of. A guy who’s walked into the local coffee shop and sees his girl sitting with some other guy will notice different things than the friends who are standing right next to him. It’s not that those other things don’t exist, but the details are filtered through what’s important to that character right now.

Additionally, remember that the reader does 80% of the work of description. If I tell you that a female walks into a male co-worker’s office, shuts the blinds, slips out of her heels and pops open the top three buttons on her blouse – does it matter what colour the carpet is, or if the desk between them is mahogany or oak? Ask what would THAT character focus on, IN THAT MOMENT? That’s what the reader gets to know about. Cut everything else.

The Details Given Specificity Are Considered Important By Readers

One of the pitfalls of deep point of view is falling into what’s called writing on the nose. This is when every movement is described in a blow-by-blow account that doesn’t serve the story. This needless description frustrates readers because the story’s pace moves at a glacial speed. Remember, the more time you spend describing anything, the more importance the reader will assume it to have. Whether it’s an object on a table, the table itself, or even the walk to answer the door, if it’s important to the character in that moment it had better help move the story forward. Be ruthless about this.

Some writers love these sweeping all-encompassing descriptions of setting. The moon, the stars, the wind through the trees, the crickets, the blah blah blah. Keep in mind that these sections of description slow the pace of your story, so be strategic with them. If it’s true to the character to notice the colours of the setting sun and reminisce about some childhood memory, that’s fine, but be strategic with the pacing. In the middle of a chase scene is not the place for that kind of narrative. Also, drip-drip-drip. It’s hard to justify giving more than a couple lines to this kind of description. If it’s a paragraph, two paragraphs, half a page or more, be very objective about whether the reader needs all that information in that spot.

What is the norm for the genre you’re writing in? Some genres make more room for these types of descriptive passages than others.

Use Description To Show More About Your Characters

Yes, it’s good to be specific when possible because it helps the reader picture the scene better. However, one pitfall to watch out for is giving the character knowledge they don’t actually possess. I can open the hood of my vehicle and find where to add wiper fluid, where to check the oil and add oil… and that’s about it. I’m sure those parts have proper names but I don’t know them. You wouldn’t have to tell a reader your character is a mechanic if they can open the hood and actually name all the parts and know their function, or recognize a problem in a particular part by a sound.

I can walk into a garden (near where I live) and name many of the plants growing in any season. My husband notices flower colours. I couldn’t tell you one designer hand bag from another, but I know what expensive looks like.

Use this filter to give the reader information about your character. This is part of show don’t tell. If I’m reading about a character who can walk into a new-to-them garden and name many of the plants, I assume they know a lot about gardening. The writer wouldn’t have to tell me that. But if your character knows everything about everything, I can’t discern anything about their character.

Additionally, does this garden-loving character get upset that the Irises are planted too deep (and now won’t flower), or do they take a moment to recall the Latin name for the plant? These small details give insight into the character, but are just a drip, drip, drip of information. The reader may not catch every single hint, but they’ll catch enough to get to know your character. It’s just a phrase, not even a whole sentence, of this kind of description filtered through what’s important to the character, that really brings a character and a story to life for readers.

Ask Your Beta Readers

In the end, knowing what to keep and what to cut comes down to how well you’re communicating ideas that you feel are important/vital to the story you want to tell and the characters you’ve created. Take the time to interview your beta readers. Pick out a particular scene, ask them how it made them feel? What did they love? Where were they tempted to skim? Know what effect you were going for in that scene and blatantly ask if you pulled that off. Ask more than one beta reader.

This is the kind of feedback that will help you learn where to be clearer, where you can lean closer to what might feel like melodrama to you, or where to cut back because the point is being muddied or the passage skimmed because there’s too many details. Ask people who love your genre, but will be honest with you. Beta readers who are afraid to hurt your feelings are all that helpful, ultimately — not if you’re looking to improve your writing.

Are you a writer who writes very sparse on a first draft and has to edit in description, or are you a writer who loves to add description and has to later go back and edit much of it out? How do YOU decide what to keep?

Been told you should learn Deep Point Of View? Had an editor or critique partner tell you to “go deeper” with the emotions in your fiction? Looking for a community of writers seeking to create emotional connections with readers? Check out the Free Resource Hub and then join the Going Deeper With Emotions In Fiction Facebook group.

How To Write With Immediacy In Fiction

December 12, 2019 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 3 Comments

We’re continuing in our FAQ series on Deep POV. The question that came in was: How do you write with immediacy?

There are a few foundational rules with deep point of view and writing with immediacy and removing distance are two of them. If you don’t write with immediacy you add perceived distance between the reader and the story, which is exactly what deep pov tries to eliminate. As I considered this question, I realized that I haven’t written much about this here or in my book, so let’s break this down.

Simply put, immediacy is writing as though everything in the story is happening right now.

Is Past Or Present Tense More Immediate?

Some writers get hung up on writing in past or present tense when asked about immediacy. Are you writing He is… or He was…? With deep point of view, there isn’t a right or wrong answer here. You can write in deep pov with immediacy equally well in past or present tense.

Is First Or Third Person Better?

Again – wrong question. I see many blogs out there saying first person is more intimate than third person, but I disagree. Written equally well, a reader can immerse themselves just as well in a first or third person story. Some readers will have a preference, many writers have a preference, one or the other is more popular in some genres.

I would like to clarify that writing in first person doesn’t automatically make your writing deep point of view (or more immediate). I’ve written about first or third person here. This is a distraction in the discussion about writing with immediacy or deep point of view.

What Is Writing With Immediacy?

Writing with immediacy is capturing the story as the character moves through a scene. Think of it like strapping a GoPro to your point of view character (POVC).

If story is a car, omniscient POV puts the reader in the back seat away from the action. A limited POV puts the reader in the shotgun seat beside the driver. Deep point of view puts the reader in the POVC’s lap in the driver’s seat. They see/hear/know/learn/feel everything the POVC does, but that’s ALL they know. The entire story is filtered through the POVC as though they are living the story in real time. It’s a first-person shooter style of storytelling.

Avoid The Narrator Voice

The narrator voice slips in particularly if you’re more familiar with the omniscient point of view style (or, I’ve found this happens among writers who, as readers, detest feeling tension when reading themselves). This is a stylistic choice that makes sure the reader knows everything is OK before the conflict really heats up. I can’t give you a template or a list of words to do a search for. It all depends on the effect the phrase creates.

Some examples might be:

Later, he would realize this had all been a dream. (and then the dream sequence begins)
If only she’d known how Brad would react, she’d have kept her mouth shut. (and then she says the thing she later regrets saying)

This idea of hindsight or looking back before the event comes off as author intrusion in deep point of view and it adds distance. Now, this doesn’t mean your character can’t second guess themselves, but it’s expressed after they’ve done something. It can also work in a self-fulfilling prophecy sense. This is a bad idea or I’m going to regret this… and then they step into the hard thing as an act of courage or whatever. That’s different than this all-knowing narrator slipping into the story foretelling the future.

Writing in this way, especially in deep point of view, undercuts the tension for readers. By reassuring readers that the character will be safe no matter what’s about to happen, the reader is chucked into the backseat of the story car surrounded with bubble wrap.

Immediacy With Emotions

Writing emotions with immediacy is an often-overlooked aspect of writing in deep point of view. I wrote about the four layers of emotional storytelling here. We usually start with the first layer, the primary emotions. These are our instinctive emotional responses – the gut reaction, the spontaneous reaction, the survival instinct, etc. Often, these emotions are quick and visceral – meaning they have a physical component to them, not a thinking component.

You show this through physiological responses, physical reactions, etc. These are not emotions we think about before we decide if we’re feeling them or not. For example, we each feel fear uniquely. Show what fear feels like to that character. What terrifies one person, another won’t even pause over. Primary emotions require immediate action and prepare your body to act.

She scrolled through Facebook with her thumb. A shadow fell across the floor in front of her. A man punched the up button on the elevator and then stood nearly shoulder to shoulder with her. She inched away. What’s his deal? She looked up at his face, his hair parted with precision and the angles of his face sharp and chiseled.

He looked down on her and winked. Her belly clenched and she glanced around the lobby. Empty. She flicked her thumb and pulled up the emergency screen on her phone. Her thumb hesitated. He wore a nice suit, a real-leather-looking case in his hand that matched his shoes, and a gold watch. But the tightness in her belly spread up to her chest, cinching and squeezing. Her heart beat faster. The elevator dinged and she flinched. The doors slid open.

This is all primary emotions, right. Now, those emotions are going to force the character to do something, because this isn’t a comfortable feeling. She takes in a lot of information trying to decide if she’s safe or not. In deep point of view, we give the reader what evidence we have at hand and let them decide what emotion the character is feeling. This way, the reader knows WHY the character makes the decision they do. Make the reader lean in to understand, to engage with the emotions in the scene.

Primary emotions are immediate, raw, and unfiltered.

Perspective Is Determined Through Immediacy

In the example above, all of the information given to the reader is filtered through the character’s perspective. Her perspective is informed by what’s important to her RIGHT NOW.

There are some scenes where a character’s emotions dictate their plans for the future. Much of the time, what our characters take in, filter, judge, assess, etc. is put through a lens of what’s important to them right now. A teen boy can overlook quite a few things when he is hungry. All the sensory data intake is focused on finding food – smell, sight, past experience, taste, etc.

Think of the example above of the woman at the elevator, how would it change the character’s primary emotions if she’d been sexually assaulted previously? How would her thinking response change if she was on her way to work, to a job she couldn’t afford to lose, and she was a little late? How would her primary emotions react if she’d just read on her phone that the police were investigating a string of recent assaults in that neighborhood? Or she’d just had a friend who was assaulted?

Do you see how immediacy can shape a character’s perception of everything around them and shape their responses? It’s all interconnected.

Have a question about writing with immediacy? This is the third post in the deep POV FAQ series, have a question you’d like to see answered – post it below!