5 Tips To Show Time Passing In Deep Point Of View

August 25, 2023 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 1 Comment

Man holding newspaper checking his watch. Text reads: SHOW the passage of time without breaking deep point of view.

I was mining through the comments section on the blog, and this one came up a couple of times: how do you show the passage of time in a story without using author intrusion or telling? This is a tricky one that trips up a lot of writers trying to learn deep point of view.

For writers who grew up reading more distant point of views, it feels natural to have the author voice step in and explain or summarize that time has passed. There’s no author voice in deep point of view.

If the goal is to keep the story in deep pov, CONTEXT, DIALOGUE, AND SETTING are the tools we have to show time has passed. Some key red-flag words to watch for are: when, afterwards, and then, next, until, following, earlier…

When Sally got home… (Telling. Would Sally say this to herself? Probably not – it’s the author jumping in to summarize time passing. Just show Sally arriving home)

Sheila went shopping and afterwards watched a movie. (This is telling. SHOW Sheila shopping and then watching a moving. If either is relevant to the story, explore that scene with readers. If these lines are not moving the story ahead, they’re simply telling the reader time has passed — just pick up where the story begins again and show the time passed with context.)

Sheila woke up the next morning… (Telling. Deep POV is the character living out the story in real time with the reader. Would she narrate her own actions? Every word on the page comes from the pov character. Every. Word. Just show Sheila waking up.)

woman in a thinking pose with the text: What is emotional context?

Using Setting To Show The Passage Of Time

This can be something as simple as noticing the time on a clock, noting the sun has moved in the sky, or a change of seasons.

Sarah shivered and rubbed at the raised bumps on her arms. She looked for the sun. It had already descended behind the trees heading for the horizon.

How can the pov character interact with the setting or the characters around them in such a way that it’s clear to the reader that time has passed? Do they pick up a stack of mail from the front door? Pick up Fluffy from the cat hotel? Are weeds and grass growing wild where they should be kept neat and trimmed? Is paint peeling, shingles missing from the roof, porches leaning with railings fallen over? Does Dad have a few more wrinkles or more gray hair than last time? Has their inbox exploded because no one’s done their job while they were away.

Make a list of what’s changed or what stands out, and then choose one or two key descriptions to show the passage of time.

Using Context To Show Time Passing

This requires some forethought (or editing after the fact), but building into the story cues on the passage of time is effective as well. Does the character habitually do anything on a particular day or hour? Having the character do these things cues the reader into time and place. Think about your character’s daily routine and how they move through their day.

Daily routine ideas:

Do they grocery shop every Tuesday? Or maybe they only grocery shop after 11pm when it’s quieter in the shops.
A cup of tea before bed
Do they read the paper with breakfast every morning?
Is there 5 o’clock rush hour traffic?
Are the shadows longer or shorter?
Is it hotter or cooler than earlier?
Meals are a great hint to readers about the passage of time. Sitting down to breakfast or dinner immediately roots the reader in time of day.

A Ticking Clock

Maybe you’ve built in a ticking clock into your plot. The character makes note of the time specifically because it’s limited and carries significant consequence. Similar to this, is there an event the character is anticipating — a vacation, time off, road trip, parent-teacher interviews, peach season — whatever. By noting this event earlier, when it arrives the reader intuits how much time has gone by.

Stan’s watch chirped, and then buzzed with an alarm. His shoulders slumped. He was late picking up Sarah from school again.

Steve’s hands ached from gripping the steering wheel and slammed on the brakes – again. The car in front of him edged out of the parking lot, the driver lifting a hand in thanks as though Steve had invited being cut off. There must’ve been a hockey game on downtown. He checked his watch. 10pm. About time for that.

Use Dialogue To Note Passage Of Time

Have other characters note the passage of time. Let them ask a question, or perform some other action that tips the reader off about a change in time. This is perhaps the easiest workaround when it works for your story.

“How was your vacation, Stan? Two weeks in the sun must’ve been amazing.”

The barista set the coffee cup on the counter and rang up Mark’s purchase. “Haven’t seen you here for a couple of weeks.”

“The plane leaves in two hours, and we haven’t even left for the airport yet!” (Then show them running to their gate.)

One Quick Tip About Deep Point Of View

One quick tip that’s pretty vital, is to make sure the character has a natural/organic reason to notice the passage of time. This reduces the tendency to have the author voice step in with that information. What cues the character to check a watch or the calendar? What’s going on that’s causing them to note the day or time? What are they anticipating?

With the examples above (with the exception of the dialogue examples), each character has a reason to note the time. There’s some sort of external cue, a line of thinking that leads them to note the time.

Steve smelled the milk in the fridge. He jerked his head away from the sour odor. “How long has it been since we’ve been grocery shopping?”

Sheila’s stomach rumbled again. She checked her watch. She’d missed lunch again.

Telling Isn’t Always Bad

Here’s the honest truth I don’t find too many blogs on deep point of view admitting. Sometimes, you have to use telling to keep the story moving.

Sometimes the verbal and mental gymnastics required to stay in deep point of view will simply bog down the story to such a degree that it’s either tedious or ridiculous. I remember writing a scene a while ago where I needed a POV character to be present so the reader could hear what was going on, but it made no sense for this character to be there. I had them hiding in a bush listening in on a conversation. It got silly.

So, if the reader just needs to know we’re five years in the future, or a date or place, sometimes it’s really just better to cheat deep point of view for a moment and deliver that information quickly and concisely and keep the story moving. Brief headings at the beginning of a chapter work well and aren’t intrusive to readers generally (when used sparingly). Ie.

500BCE Near The Black Sea,

Five Years Later

It’s definitely more work to stay in deep pov and show a passage of time, but the reward is keeping the reader rooted in time and place without interrupting the story with the author voice. Got a good example of showing the passage of time? Share it below to help others brainstorm!

4 Responses To Uncertainty That Create Tension In Fiction

January 13, 2022 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

Something I’ve observed over the last two years or so is how different personalities react to uncertainty. Very little about life is certain, that’s always been true, but when the stakes are raised different personalities handle uncertainty in varied ways that can create all sorts of really compelling internal conflict. So how can you use this for your characters?

What Is Uncertainty?

Most of us can probably parse out what uncertainty means, many of us are word nerds after all. Uncertainty is a situation in which something is unknown or unknowable. Simple enough. But let me take you through a brief thought exercise that helped me wrap my head about this idea that on the surface appears simple but is astoundingly complex.

I googled a bunch of synonyms for uncertainty because I was curious about the true scope of what uncertainty includes. These are a few of the results I found: doubt, confusion, upheaval, unpredictable, unreliable, precarious, variable, ambiguous, concern, distrust, suspicion, skeptical, conjecture, indecision, hesitant, prolongation, wanderlust…

Now, as word nerds we can look at that list and understand how context, connotation, and nuance lends to meaning. Upheaval and indecision are very different, but inherent in both is this element of uncertainty. Do you see where I’m going with this? Uncertainty runs through almost every aspect of life and how your character deals with uncertainty can really increase the stakes for readers.

Let’s get more curious about this and see how this can add emotional depth to our fiction.

Personality Types And Uncertainty

There are several popular personality typing systems out there, and diving into each one with their multiple descriptions and labels is just a time-wasting rabbit hole in this context. Instead, I poured over three of the bigger ones to try and parse out five different ways that the various personality types are said to respond to uncertainty. These are just how I interpreted those personality descriptions, it’s completely generalized, but I wanted to focus in on the WHY behind each response to uncertainty, because that nuanced information is really helpful to writers.

The WHY helps us understand the character’s priority, their goals with certain behaviours or thinking patterns, predispositions to react in specific ways — but then you force them to find another way through the problem, you remove the crutches, the familiarity, and BOOM! Instant tension.

Order And Predictability

These types find uncertainty extremely difficult and the way to a sense of safety is through a step-by-step process, a rigid structure (either self-created or imported from other sources). They may doggedly follow (or break) rules to fit into their chosen structure. Their focus is on safety (like many of the others below), but the WHY seems to be a need for a guarantee. There is very little or no tolerance for uncertainty of any kind.

From their trust in the process, they can find ways to help or offer pragmatic solutions. Helping is used as a distraction from the uncertainty, the helping isn’t the WHY behind their actions or thinking. When those processes don’t work as promised or predicted, anger and resentment follows and they shift the blame because the process can’t be the problem or weak point.

Intellectuals Who Question Everything

I’ve observed two general types of intellectuals and they’re both excited or energized by uncertainty and change. They see opportunity instead of calamity and it fires up their out-of-the-box thinking. These types can appear spontaneous, but every decision has been thought out, they just rarely bother to include others in the thought processes (think Sherlock Holmes).

Those more prone to analysis, their WHY is a solution. Iron Man comes to mind. “Things are gonna get weird.” They will turn to research and raw data and experimentation to find the solution. They are constantly looking to make things more efficient or streamlined or scaling things, creating uncertainty even where none appears to exist, but if solutions remain elusive, if overwhelmed or lacking agency, their focus gets very very narrow and depression can set in. Their solutions can drift to focus on “the greater good” without thought to consequence or costs.

Those intellectuals who lean more to towards philosophy than analysis (my own explanations) are collectors of knowledge so turn to research because their WHY is truth (more Dr. Banner than Iron Man). Once they know the truth, they can make a decision but no source of info is off the table – raw data, conspiracy theories, expert opinions, personal experience, historical records — they’re going to research and read all the things and then decide for themselves. But if the truth remains elusive, if they can’t parse out the truth from the varied sources available to them, they throw up their hands and can become fatalistic. What’s it all mean?

Both types may qualify their opinions by acknowledging that new information may present itself, or that things might change, or they can’t know everything, While these types are skeptical by nature, they aren’t cynics.

The Sky Is Falling Cynics

Cynics face uncertainty with negative-bias split decisions. There is no uncertainty. By expecting the worst, by assuming the world is against them, their focus is protection. They tend to eliminate uncertainty by creating a narrative, but that narrative brings tension rather than comfort. They tend to have a negative view overall, so they blame corruption, abuse of power, someone is untrustworthy, something is broken or unjust — things that are outside their perceived ability to control or change. The focus is protection, but their WHY seems to be avoiding guilt, shame, responsibility, etc.

Now, a caveat to this is trauma. Someone facing uncertainty who is viewing the world through a trauma lens, their focus is on preventing what happened before at all costs and their WHY is a perceived sense of control. They tend not to trust anyone. They doubt everything that’s said to them, because they’ve been lied to, gaslighted, etc. Often, they struggle to even trust themselves because they may have believed the lies or they learned to ignore emotional or physical pain. An almost universal sense of helplessness appears to others as fatalism. For childhood trauma, all kinds of things lend to a play-dead response because fighting back or running away wasn’t an option.

So, a trauma survivor may be predisposed to one of the other uncertainty personality responses, but this trauma response will either be overlaid or in conflict with that.

The Avoiders And Optimists

Uncertainty causes some profound discomfort so they isolate and insulate. The avoiders flatly deny the uncertainty exists even when it makes them look irrational. Some take a very laid-back approach and decide to keep their heads down and just wait things out and see where the dust settles. The optimists are the perpetual silver-linings types, meme-warriors and inspirational quote-collectors. All of these types focus on personal safety, but their WHY is internal peace and that’s an important distinction.

From within that place of safety and internal peace, some are able to engage their out-of-the-box thinking to create or find solutions – so they may appear to be intellectual analysts but their WHY is different so that would change their internal conflict and internal dialogue. Some divert energy into finding/offering hope to others (this could be a tangible help, but it doesn’t have to be). They are more prone to sympathize without empathy (because true empathy would threaten that inner peace), but mature individuals and/or those with strong support systems are able to empathize and offer powerful help to others. When overwhelmed, this type can lean towards cynicism.

So, those are my big picture classifications based on reading the way different personality-typing systems describe a tolerance for and approach to uncertainty. The focus and the WHY are the key take-aways here because that’s how you can make your character’s journey unique and individual. That’s how you can SHOW the reader why they’re making decisions, their priorities, etc. Your next steps would be to take these basic groupings, and decide what response best fits with your character and then how uncertainty creates internal conflict for them. You could go a step farther and take away the option of responding in the way that comes naturally — remove the option for the denier to deny, remove the option of the intellectual to find a solution or parse out the truth.

Lisa’s 5 week masterclass on learning to write deep pov launches January 24, 2022. Find more info here. This class will also run in April and October of 2022.

Is there one type, or a blending of types, that you’re using for your POV character?

Writing Insecure Characters

September 17, 2021 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 5 Comments

Writing Insecure Characters

Hey Hey!! I reached out to Becca at Writers Helping Writers (where I’ve been guest-posting for several months) to help me out with a guest post in the ongoing series on emotions. Don’t forget to check out the Going Deeper With Emotions In Fiction Facebook group for details about the next 5 week deep pov intensive starting up Oct 4, 2021.

Thanks Becca!! *mittened fist-bump*

When Lisa asked if I’d like to contribute a post to her series on conveying emotions, I couldn’t resist. I mean, this is where Angela Ackerman and I got our start—telling anyone who was interested (and some who weren’t) what we’d learned about the importance of showing a character’s feelings. So let me start there—with a quote from The Emotion Thesaurus about why it’s so important for every author to get this right:

All successful novels, no matter what genre, have one thing in common: emotion. It lies at the core of every character’s decision, action, and word, all of which drive the story. Without emotion, a character’s personal journey is pointless. Stakes cease to exist. The plot line becomes a dry riverbed of meaningless events that no reader will take time to read. Why? Because above all else, readers pick up a book to have an emotional experience.

But they don’t want to be told how a character feels; they want to experience the emotion for themselves. To make this happen, we must ensure that our characters express their feelings in ways that are both recognizable and compelling to read.

How we convey a character’s emotional state is vital to the reader’s experience. They don’t want to be bashed over the head with this information, nor do they appreciate clunky methods that jerk them out of the story. This is where show-don’t-tell comes into play. Show the character’s emotion through their natural responses to it, and readers will figure it out on their own. Use universal responses, and you’ll have the added benefit of readers connecting to the character through a sense of shared experience.

Let me show you what I mean with a universal feeling that should come into play multiple times for your character throughout their story.

Insecurity: No One’s Favorite Feeling

Personally, I’m not a fan of this emotion. It’s uncomfortable, embarrassing, and makes me feel weak. But I love it for my characters because it inherently builds empathy. Every reader on the planet has experienced insecurity—often at crucial moments—and they know how awful it is. Seeing someone they care about stumbling through it tugs at the reader’s heartstrings and makes them root for that character.

Insecurity is also important because it often plays into the character’s arc. Maybe they want to reach for a goal but don’t feel worthy of attaining it. Or they desperately want esteem and recognition from others but they’re too scared of failure to make the effort. Typically, it’s this very insecurity the character will have to overcome if they want to win in the story, so you definitely want to include it.

If your character is going to struggle with this emotion, it’s important to be able to show it clearly. And the best way to do this is for them to respond to it with one of the following tells.

Overcompensation

Insecurity is never comfortable. Your character would much rather be seen as confident and capable, so when they’re feeling the opposite, they’re going to try and hide it. One way they might do this is through overcompensating.

We often see this with characters who fit the macho stereotype: bullies, jocks, divas, CEOs, world leaders, etc. For popular examples, look at many of Stephen King’s minor villains, who tend to throw their weight around to hide their weaknesses. Harold Lauder (The Stand) is condescending and off-putting, leaning on his intelligence to overcome his physical shortcomings. Percy Wetmore (The Green Mile) disguises his cowardice and inadequacy by becoming a corrections officer, where he can bully the death-row inmates, who are at his mercy.

Risk-Aversion and Avoidance

Other characters will head the opposite direction, going out of their way to avoid the situations that make them feel unsure of themselves. A good example of this is A Few Good Men’s Daniel Kaffee. He’s grown up in the shadow of his successful father and is convinced he could never compare as a trial lawyer, so he plea-bargains all his cases. This allows him to remain a lawyer without ever stepping foot in a courtroom.

Another avoidance response you might see in an insecure character is the decision not to act. A character with this MO will take a backseat in their own life, letting other people make the important decisions. This way, they don’t have to take responsibility or ownership in the situations that make them feel uncomfortable. Underachievers very often respond this way.

Self-Sabotage

The third installment of the Rocky franchise opens with the hero getting completely destroyed by a nobody. This demoralizing defeat, combined with the death of his manager, throws Rocky into a tailspin. When a rematch is declared, he accepts the offer but doesn’t fully commit, allowing himself to be distracted and only go so far in his training. Why? Because he’s convinced he can’t win.

Characters who are afraid of their own insecurities but don’t want to surrender outright may choose to go this route. They might only half-try, or they’ll adopt dysfunctional behaviors that will take them out of the running before they have a chance to fail.

Keeping it Real

It’s important to note that most people aren’t insecure in a general sense; this feeling typically crops up in specific situations. Going back to Daniel Kaffee: you wouldn’t define him as insecure. He’s actually quite confident—personable and charming, lots of friends, an athlete, with a respectable job as a lawyer. It’s only in certain scenarios that his self-doubt comes through.

This is a much more realistic picture of insecurity; it’s situational. Make sure your characters are well-rounded by giving them skills and strengths, areas in which they excel. Then, when they’re facing a challenge that makes them feel small and incapable, the contrast in their response will show readers what’s up.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze?

One last thing to note about this emotion: how your character responds to insecurity will depend on their fight, flight, or freeze response. If they tend toward fighting, they’ll likely become more aggressive, overcompensating for whatever failing (perceived or real) they’re trying to hide. A character who is more likely to flee or freeze will have an avoidance or self-sabotage response as they try to escape the threatening situation. So definitely do your homework in this area, because knowing your character’s natural tendency will give you a good idea of how they’ll respond when insecurity crops up.

How do you use insecurity to help shape, motivate, or create tension for your character?

Did you know Becca and Angela are releasing a new book next month? The Conflict Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Adversaries, Obstacles, and Inner Struggles explores 100+ conflict scenarios that, when added to your story, can build tension and high stakes, challenge characters as they traverse their arcs, and most importantly, keep readers emotionally invested from beginning to end.

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and other resources for writers. Her books have sold over 700,000 copies and are available in multiple languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online resource for authors that’s home to the Character Builder and Storyteller’s Roadmap tools.

What Is Your Character’s Emotional Kryptonite?

February 17, 2021 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 5 Comments

Emotions are complex, nuanced, and rarely linear. Most of us have a specific, painful, crunchy, emotion we’ll do almost anything to avoid — even if the avoidance is harmful or at the least not helpful. Psychology calls this “emotional avoidance.” When capturing your character(s) emotions, particularly when writing in deep POV, you must be willing to dive into that character’s lived experience in order to offer surprise and authenticity for readers with a visceral impact that creates emotional connections.

What Emotion Does Your Character HATE To Feel?

This may be linked to the story problem/stakes you’ve created, or it may be an identity issue that adds obstacles to resolving the character’s story problem. But this emotion must be specific and sometimes with a specific trigger.

And to the character, this specific emotion is intolerable. They will do anything to avoid feeling this way. One example that comes to mind are super heroes who forsake a romantic relationship because they’re afraid the “bad guys” would use their loved ones as leverage to hurt them.

They are partly concerned that others would be put in harms’ way simply for their association with them, but for a character who is otherwise mostly invincible — the fragility of the love from an ordinary person (one who might grow sick, or ill, or come to harm) is a vulnerability. They don’t understand or even WANT to understand vulnerability. They will live a solitary, lonely, existence to avoid this vulnerability.

The Avoidance Of This Emotion Becomes Their Kryptonite

Whatever emotion the character will avoid at all costs, the avoidance of that can cause harm. The specifics of this will vary. For those characters who have a trauma background, they may be able to survive only because they’ve voted specific emotions off the island – so to speak. I’m not allowed to be angry. But their inability to access or use those emotions eventually causes harm, right. In the case of anger, there are physiological changes that take place when we become angry — there’s an adrenaline rush, faster heart rate, shorter breathing, etc. That doesn’t go away, they need to do something with those feelings.

Like anything else, anger serves a purpose. By refusing to become angry, your character will internalize that and turn it inward. Because anger is about regaining control often, avoiding this emotion may look like an eating disorder, self-harming, addiction or substance abuse, excessive exercise, or stringent self-denial (I can’t go out with friends, I don’t deserve to/haven’t earned that). These behaviours are, at their core, about regaining or maintaining a sense of control.

Additionally, anger can be a survival or safety warning. Anger leads to change, to standing up for yourself, to ending abuse, ending injustice. Anger can be a very positive emotion.

Make sure whatever is used to avoid the emotion makes sense to the character. If they fear a lack of control, they may seek out ways to feel like they’re always in control. If they fear feeling taken advantage of, they may take responsibility for everything, even things that could never be controlled. The character whose kryptonite is failure may become a workaholic, may avoid any activities where they’re not assured they’ll succeed, cheat/lie/steal in order to appear successful, or avoid the feeling through substance abuse.

Tangible Consequences For Emotional Avoidance

It’s not possible to avoid specific emotions for an entire lifetime and not pay a price for that in some tangible way. Suppressing emotions can lead to all kinds of physical ailments and problems due to anxiety and elevated stress levels such as ulcers, heart/chest pain, chronic aches or pains without a physical cause, and certain psychosomatic disorders like psoriasis, eczema, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.

I read one story where a woman complained that she hated going to family gatherings. Therapist asked why? Well, everyone’s judging me, she says. The therapist explored that a bit – well, she was sure that her family knew she drank too much and were judging her. The family had never said anything to her about the drinking.

The therapist continued to explore this. She admitted that she drank too much because she didn’t want feel the loss/sadness of a recent breakup. In her opinion, the consequences of drinking too much was acceptable to avoid these emotions.

How To Destroy The Kryptonite

Superman has it easy, he simply has to put some space between him and the rock. In real life, what needs to happen is an integration of those emotions that have been voted off the island. You have to sit with them, acknowledge their concerns, and find a way to live with them without having them take over the train and cause a wreck down the tracks.

What would that integration look like for your character? Most times, these are problems you have to think your way out of. Do they have a good friend they can unload on? Do they have someone who will hold them accountable for their avoidance behaviours? Do the consequences of their avoidance behaviours force them to seek change? And maybe they don’t. Some people, like in the story above, would rather live with the consequences than deal with the hard crunchy emotions that hurt.

If you’re looking for more ideas on how to destroy the emotional kryptonite, try this post where I got the inspiration for this one from.

What is YOUR character’s emotional kryptonite?

Been told you should learn Deep Point Of View? Had an editor or critique partner tell you to “go deeper” with the emotions in your fiction? Looking for a community of writers seeking to create emotional connections with readers? Join the Going Deeper With Emotions In Fiction Facebook group.

Use Beats In Deep POV To Convey Emotion

September 9, 2020 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 9 Comments

In deep point of view, we want to use beats instead of dialogue tags to attribute dialogue. Beats move the story ahead, they are more efficient, keep the reader deep inside the character’s head, and remove the writer/narrator voice. In limited third person, dialogue tags are encouraged (he said/she said), but they aren’t used much (or preferably at all) in deep point of view.

“Hand me that bowl,” Edith said. (dialogue tag)

“Hand me that bowl.” Edith waved her finger at the large red bowl on the top shelf. (action beat)

Action Beats

It’s a pretty easy switch to replace dialogue tags with some movement or action by the character speaking. This is known as an action beat, but if all you’re doing with that action is attributing dialogue it’s a stage direction. Stage directions have their place, but in deep point of view you want to use stage directions sparingly and instead challenge yourself to ensure every word moves the story ahead. Your action beats should also show emotion, or motivation, or priorities, etc. AS WELL AS attribute dialogue.

“Hand me that bowl.” Edith waved her finger at the top shelf. “The red one.”

“Hand me that bowl.” Edith stabbed the air towards the top shelf with a stiff finger and raised her voice. “The red one!”

For an action beat to do all of this, dig deeper than stuffing hands in pockets, running hands through their hair, or moving from stage right to stage left. Really be aware of the emotions the character is struggling with (both those they’re willing to let people see and those they’re trying to hide) and then add movements or gestures that reflect their emotions, their inner turmoil, angst, hopes, etc.

Jan sat and bounced back up out of her chair to pace. “But I really like him and he doesn’t even know I exist.”

Physical Sensations: Internal and External

There are internal physical sensations and external ones and these can be used to attribute dialogue as well. Both work well for powerful beats to convey emotion and move the story along.

Heart rate is an internal sensation. The sting of crushing snow in your bare palm is an external sensation.

Emotions are FELT inside the body, so google the emotion you want to convey and work with the physical symptoms. Consider flushed skin, heart rate, constricted throat, tense muscles, quivering muscles, numbness, sensitivity, tingles, shivers, prickles, stinging, etc. Various aches and constricting – throat, gut, shoulders, back, lower abdomen, thighs, hands, etc. show emotion or emotion withheld. Whether these parts ache, or squeeze, twist, have stabbing pains, get tense, or throb – they can all show how a character feels, what they want to do, etc.

Where do they carry tension or hold emotion? Where a character carries their tension can tattle on the kind of tension they carry. A tight and clenched throat often hints at words that are swallowed or stamped down, or some deep emotion (from the past) that’s kept under control though it wants to burst forth.

Choose verbs that convey emotion intentionally and strategically. Do shivers creep up their arms, or rattle their spine? Is there a stiff breeze or a chilly draft? Is it raining or humid, how does that make their skin feel? Are their clothes too tight, too loose, wet, bunching – what draws their attention to their discomfort? The character’s perception of these things can all be used to show how a they feel or show the WHY behind a decision.

Shannon sank her toes deeper into the icy sand and cracked her neck. “I can do this.”

Shannon swallowed around the lump clogging her throat and pressed her shaking fingers against her belly. “I can do this.”

Setting Beats

A character’s perception of the setting can be used as a beat. Remember, it’s all about how the character perceives what they take in – do they feel encouraged, set upon, beat up, blocked – how can the natural world around them or the physical setting show this?

“So you’re leaving? There’s no changing your mind?” Steve leaned against the faded pencil marks on the doorframe that had tracked their childrens’ growth over the years that now seemed more like a countdown clock to this moment.

“I don’t believe you. He was fine this morning. I kissed him goodbye.” Cynthia glanced out the window and the last leaf let go on the maple Joe had planted, scattered to winter’s coming chill.

Tone Of Voice

I find this one is very effective, but often overlooked as a beat. Tone of voice shows us so much about how a character feels. The actual meaning of the words we speak are only one third of the information we take in when deciphering communication: meaning of words, body language, tone of voice.

She couldn’t keep the quiver from her voice. “Everything is my fault.”

Steve crouched down to the child’s eye-level and forced some cheer into his voice. “I’m home now. Still wanna play?”

This is also effective when the POV character is interpreting what others are saying to them. Consider these examples. Barric is NOT the POV character in any of these sentences, but the POV character is taking in more than just his words to interpret the meaning of what he’s communicating.

“Well, you’re stuck with me.” Barric didn’t raise his voice. Like he wasn’t mad at all. “We don’t get to choose our families.”

“Edric was doing his job.” Barric’s tone grew sharper and his accent more pronounced than it had been. “Don’t find meaning in actions where none was intended.”

Internal Dialogue

Yes, you can use a thought as a beat. In deep POV, italics or he/she thought tags are avoided and beats used to attribute thoughts as well. Some writers *I think* fear that if they don’t tell the reader the character is thinking they won’t know thoughts from narrative, but in deep pov all of it comes from the POV character. Thoughts, when used well, can be very effective beats.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Lynna had told him the truth and he was still saying no. (Lynna is the POV character)

Unique To Your Character Or Storyworld

Many of us have “tells” that tattle on the emotion we’re feeling or even trying to hide. Does your character have a tick or a specific mannerism that readers will associate with a specific emotion? Do they twist buttons, or pick at loose threads, or bite their lip? Are there any objects they carry or have at hand to help them stay calm or find motivation?

Sara wiped the blood off her sword and stood straight. “I’m fine.”

Judy perked up her antennae but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. “All clear, Captain.”

Using Subtext

The above beats, when used strategically, are very effective. But challenge yourself to go even deeper! Try using subtext to replace dialogue between people who know each other well. (read more about replacing dialogue with subtext here).

Steve caught Marcy’s gaze, tapped his watch, and lifted his brows. “It’s ten o’clock.”

Marcy threw him that saucy smile of hers, and then turned her back on him and kept right on talking.

Complex Beats

Try combining two of the above ideas to create a nuanced beat that really pulls readers in and grabs them by the throat. Go deeper than an internal sensory beat (a racing heart or trembling fingers) and also incorporate internal dialogue or metaphor to add depth and realism. The goal is for the reader to feel like they’re right there in the room, inside the character’s head, in their skin almost. Show what they’re feeling!

“There’s been some mistake. I’m Joe.” He straightened to his full height and looked down on the girl.

This example uses dialogue, an action beat, and subtext to show emotion.

Stacy’s heart pounded against her ribs like a wrongly-convicted prisoner behind bars “You’re Charlie. I heard you give that name to the maitre-D.”

This beat uses an internal sensation and a metaphor.

You’ll notice that I haven’t included stating emotions in any of the beats. That’s because in deep POV, using emotion words (most of the time) is considered telling. It’s fine if you’re writing limited third person, but the goal is to eliminate the author/narrator voice in deep POV. The following types of beats would be considered telling in deep POV, but perfectly acceptable in limited third person:

“Steve, you came!” Natalie bounced on her toes and clenched her hands against the nervous flutter.

Mark stamped his foot in anger. “I’m not going!”

What other beat-creation tips do you use when writing in deep POV?

Creating unique voices for multiple POV characters – and how to show their emotions

July 29, 2020 by Lisa Hall-Wilson 2 Comments

So excited to have Aiki Flinthart on the blog today. I’m recovering from knee surgery and Aiki generously stepped in for me and is sharing about creating unique characters. Aiki describes every pantser’s nightmare below, *grin* but don’t panic. You would go through all the same steps to pants your way through this, you’d just do it through a first draft and a lot of rewriting.

Be sure to check out Aiki’s book for writers (I’ve already ordered mine):

As authors, we all know that she who makes the reader cry, wins. If a reader connects strongly to your character, then they will react emotionally to the character’s conflicts.

But, for many genres, it’s not the external conflict the reader gets caught up in – it’s the internal conflict; the character’s feelings about what’s happening. That’s where the treasure lies.

So how do we ensure the reader cries when we want them to? Or laughs? Or gets angry?

By creating characters the reader identifies with in some way. Then showing how that character reacts, so the reader can easily imagine themselves in the story.

A Personal Challenge

A couple of years ago I wanted to improve my ability to write unique character voices, in close first person POV, with deep emotional connections for the readers.

Sounds good, huh?

Yep. Except that I like to make things hard for myself and chose to create a mosaic novel – a collection of intertwined short stories that all advance an overarching narrative.

But wait! It gets trickier.

Set in 1486 London, Blackbirds Sing consists of 24 short stories, each from a DIFFERENT woman’s POV. Each story is stand-alone, but also interlinked with the larger narrative (someone trying to kill Henry VII). And various POV characters pop in and out of each other’s stories for continuity.

One of my readers has called it the literary equivalent of a quadruple back somersault.

It certainly wasn’t easy.

And the hardest part was creating so many unique voices, unique backgrounds, and unique emotional reactions to conflicts. Twenty-four different characters that people cared about enough to cry over in just 4500-word short stories! Sheer madness.

Readers Bring Their Own Past Experiences To A Story

When the book came out, I sat back, biting my nails. Would it work?

Then I started getting message from readers. So many said they’d loved this character or that; cried at various points; stayed up all night reading.

You know what was most interesting?

Different readers cried over different characters.

I counted that as a win. It meant readers were bonding deeply with all the characters. They cared when terrible things happened to these women.

Here’s how it worked.

Planning Twenty-Four Unique Characters

To begin with, I ensured the overarching narrative, the novel’s theme, and the internal conflicts/character arcs for every POV character were all closely related. Then I made sure that each short story’s external conflict also revolved around the central, universal theme. (The sacrifices people make to protect their families, lives, livelihoods).

Next, I meticulously created the POV characters – resulting in a very large, complicated spreadsheet. (I’m sure there are better ways of doing that part!)

I started with their birth-personality (use whatever personality profiling system you like) then layered on backstory influences – traumas, culture, family life, physical and mental limitations/issues, mental health, wants, needs, occupation, etc etc.

Then I noted their dialogue and physical tics – the ways of speaking or moving that indicate to a reader which character is talking even if you’re not using dialogue tags. So every character had a unique way of speaking, favourite words they used, way of swearing – all of which reflected their upbringing, personality, and education.

And when they were under the influence of a strong emotion, their dialogue would change – perhaps become faster or choppy when they were angry; halting and hesitant when they were feeling vulnerable; sullen and monosyllabic when hurt; etc.

They also each had a unique stress-tell. A physical action to show the reader the character was upset or worried. Perhaps rubbing at their skirt, fiddling with hair, or twisting rosary beads etc.

Additionally, I worked out how they filtered the world – what they noticed around them. That’s usually based on either their occupation and hobbies/interests, or on their emotional state/priorities. A pessimistic work-a-holic girl who’s frightened and walking the streets alone at night will notice different things than a scatterbrained optimistic girl who’s partying on with a group of friends as she strolls home. The frightened girl will jump at noises and shadows that the party girl won’t even notice.

The spreadsheet noted each one of these traits for each of the 24 POV characters, so I could keep their reactions consistent.

Lastly, came 24 internet images – one for each woman – based on physical appearance and personality. If the character was 40-year-old dark haired woman with a happy-go-lucky optimist personality, I’d google ‘happy middle aged woman with dark hair’ until I found an image that suited. It helped to remind me of how she would most likely react to conflict, and how to describe her facial and body movements to reflect her emotions.

All of these things, when added in as little details to each scene, help immerse a reader into the character’s feelings without ever having to say, “Sarah felt frightened.”

Of course, not all characters need that level of creation information. But even listing personality, dialogue tics, and physical tics for a minion will help the reader to understand what each character is feeling, and to distinguish between various characters. Which, in turn, helps them connect with the one they love best.

Show Your Character’s Priorities – Don’t Get Distracted

Spend time creating a fully-fleshed human for your POV characters before you launch into writing the entire novel. Whether you use a spreadsheet or do some freewriting from that character’s POV, it doesn’t matter.

Just learn how each character thinks, reacts, swears, talks, moves etc. Then use that information to show the reader how the character feels about the conflict.

One more crucial thing: leave out the distractions – the details that don’t show us what’s important to the POV character.

Keep only what will make your reader understand or care more deeply about your POV character/s. Keep only what makes each character – each person – unique and fascinating. Keep only what will make us smile, or laugh, gasp, or cry.

What’s your process for creating unique character voices in a multiple POV story?

About Aiki:

Aiki Flinthart has 14 published speculative fiction novels, two collections of short fiction, two non-fiction author craft books, several short stories in anthologies and e-mags, a romance novel, and has edited several short story anthologies. She has been three times shortlisted in the Australian Aurealis Awards for Speculative Fiction, and a top-8 finalist in the USA Writers of the Future Competition. When not writing or running her business, she teaches workshops to authors, trains in martial arts, knife-throwing, archery, and lute-playing. Every once in a while she even sleeps. Find Aiki on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.