I caught an episode of 7 Days of Sex last night (hear me out). It’s not what you think, there’s nothing lurid about it, but it was an interesting glimpse into two different relationships and how marriage should work universally.
The two couples featured in the episode go on television with the goal of making their marriage better through an experiment: having sex with their spouse every day for a solid week. Each couple (so I’ve read) takes a day to plan things that the other would enjoy and to give their spouse one challenge to work on.
If you made a commitment to have sex with your spouse every day, would it change how you spent your day and evening? Would it change your marriage?
A simple gesture of caring
Both men had been married long enough to realize that their wives needed to feel understood and not taken for granted for sex to happen later that night. And they did simple gestures to bridge the chasm – like bring her a bowl of her favorite ice cream after the kids were in bed, or help make lunches for the next day and tidy the kitchen.
A conscious effort to connect
One wife challenged her husband to stop working and spend time with his son so she could have an hour to herself while the baby slept. (The son looked to be about 3 and the husband admitted he’d never taken his son to the park in a father/son time outing before.) The other wife made reservations at a restaurant and challenged her husband to come up with a romantic gesture – something thoughtful. (He ordered two dozen fresh tulips and had the restaurant place the tulips on their reserved table. The wife’s favorite flowers were tulips – thoughtful but not complicated.)
One of the husbands wanted his wife to stop brushing him off when he tried to touch her during the day – and in fact initiate a few of those moments. The other husband had his wife attend a kinky sex seminar with him (nothing kinky was shown or demonstrated) – which was actually pretty funny because she was horrified and he walked away realizing he wasn’t interested in any of that either.
Thinking of the other person first
Both wives made a concerted effort to accommodate their husbands on issues they’d long held out on. One wife accompanied her husband to the hardware store and let herself be persuaded to put locks on their bedroom door. (This made me laugh because it’s the first ‘renovation’ we do every time we move.) The other wife went to the gym where her husband worked as a personal trainer because she wanted to spend time with him, but also to feel better about herself so she could feel comfortable being nude in front of him.
They laughed together
I noticed this right away. The older couple were able to laugh about a lot of things, they shared a sense of humor that had clearly brought them through some difficult times. It took the younger couple a day or two to get there, but by the end they were laughing and playfully teasing one another too. The laughter released tension and brought them closer together.
In essence, they spent the week paying attention to their spouse and intentionally putting their spouses’ needs before their own. And the experiment brought fresh perspective. Everyone’s busy: work, house, kids, family, etc – but by being committed to making this happen they rediscovered how important these little things, and the intimacy, were. We can forget what brought us together and take one another for granted – and that it’s the simple but intentional gestures that carry us through those busy times.
So – would you take this challenge? If you knew you were supposed to have sex with your spouse at the end of every day, would it change how you spent your day and evening?