Did You Marry Wrong?

Ever wonder if you married wrong? In the trenches where life is hard and you’re not getting along and there’s a thousand worries, you figure life would be a lot easier if you had married the right person instead of the one you’re with. Here’s how I came to realize I married Mr. Right. It wasn’t something I knew on my wedding day (in hind sight), to be perfectly honest I think this is a fairly recent revelation.

Original photo via Flickr Creative Commons by Dragunsk.

Original photo via Flickr Creative Commons by Dragunsk.

It’s Saturday morning, the first Saturday morning we’ve both been allowed to sleep in for a long time. Sun is streaming in the window, and I’m blissfully snuggled up next to my personal heater between our flannel sheets. He’s staring at me. Behind the glasses, he has these really beautiful deep blue eyes (my hazel sometimes brown eyes are a little jealous). And he just stares at me.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he says.

But he keeps staring at me. Like he’s trying to perfect visual osmosis. I laugh. “I don’t believe you. What are you thinking?”

“Just that I love you. A lot.” (and then he said a bunch of other stuff)

I was left wondering how we got there? How did we get to Saturday mornings in bed? How did we get to reading each other’s thoughts with just a glance? How did he become Mr. Right? Because he wasn’t always Mr. Right.

When we got married he was Mr. Makes-me-laugh, Mr. Listens-when-I-talk, Mr. Never-says-my-dreams-are-too-big, Mr. Thinks-I’m-beautiful and if I’m honest there were days I was convinced he was The-only-Mr-who-wanted-me.

Even when you add it all up, it falls short of what the fairtytales say Mr. Right should be.

Would he ever be Mr. Right?

Ann Voscamp wrote: “Don’t buy what anybody else is selling:  Everyone always marry wrong. Because what’s wrong in the world is always us…None of us ever know whom we marry. And falling in love never made anyone angels…The challenge for the vows is to fall in love with the stranger to whom you find yourself married.” (read her full post here)

The Hubs proposed to me 17 years ago. Our lives together have changed us, changed me and him. All our wedding gifts are wearing out, the mattress sags in the middle and the towels have tattered edges, we both have a stack of clothes we can’t fit into anymore, and Saturday mornings are filled with errands and sports and obligations. Our love has scarred us – left stretch marks and laugh lines.

Sisters, don’t stare at the man you married and believe the lie that you married wrong. You might have married Mr. Makes-me-laugh, Mr. Makes-me-feel-safe, Mr. I-like-who-I-am-with-him, Mr. I’m-afraid-to-be-alone — but he’ll become Mr. Right. In time. Over burnt suppers, inside jokes, Saturday mornings in bed, and that hand-me-down family Bible. There’s no recipe or formula. There’s no magic bullet.

And when you wake up next to him one morning, sunlight streaming in the bedroom window, and realize he’s become your Mr. Right – smile. Take the time to share that with a sister who’s struggling, who’s in the midst of the worry lines, the arguments, the growing, stretch marks and the next-size-up clothing. Encourage her that she’ll get there too.

Finding Mr. Right doesn’t happen when you’re dating. Not even close. You take a leap of faith and commit to loving that person every day. When they’re happy, when they’re mad, when they’re mad at you. Find something praiseworthy and something that you love about them every day.

Every day.

No matter what.

Wish I’d been better at that.

That’s how you find Mr. Right. One day, one smile, one worry line at a time.

Comments

  1. says

    The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvellous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life.

    ~ by Sir Hugh Walpole ~

  2. says

    Wow, I love this. Because I think it is something we all think or feel at some point in our married lives. In fact, I have had friends divorce because they didn’t believe they had married “the one”. The person you marry becomes “the one” because of how you handle your marriage, and what you put into your marriage. Thank you for a lovely article.
    The Baby Mama recently posted…Day 23:  Gifts of the Spirit

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